help! I'm such a bad person what can I do to put this right?!

[Sil88]

You could search for the thread that goes into detail about it, mostly from a US perspective.. one of the other considerations is that it's very hard to prove they were h- before they slept with you, and h+ afterwards, since we don't test.

[WCSDancer2010]

@hippyherpy - please.... stop. You are not helping here.

 

@Geminij

 

The point I am trying to get you to realize is, whether you feel you consented or not, you were in all intents "mentally incapacitated" by the alcohol. No means no. If y ou don't want to prosecute, that is your call, but he continued after you told him no when he said he didn't have a condom....putting YOU at risk too.

 

What that means also is that if he finds out he has Herpes, you can counter that you were heavily inebriated, you asked him to stop, he didn't. He was obviously in full enough faculties to continue (men generally can't keep it up if they are that trashed) so HE is the one who carries more of the burden of any outcome of the evening.

 

The laws regarding things like disclosure are pretty gray.... and usually only pursued if there seemed to be some kind of INTENT to withhold your status. Given that it sounds like you could barely speak and you told him to stop, *IF* he comes up with Herpes, YOU need to make it VERY CLEAR to him that you asked him to stop, you asked him to use a condom, and in BOTH instances, he continued, thus there was NOT consent in the eyes of the court. That won't bode well for him if he wanted to pursue any kind of court case *if* there's a law to cover it.

 

The laws were put in place in some areas I believe because of HIV ... but ended up being an envelope law covering all STD's. Given that H isn't life or death, and given that most of these things are not straight forward, unless a person can prove that someone *intentionally* exposed them, their lawyer is likely to advise that they don't pursue anything.

 

And for all you know, the guy already has it and either didn't tell YOU or doesn't know it (as 80% of carriers are asymptomatic)

 

The idiocy in the UK is that even people who wish to protect partners often can't because most clinics won't give you the antivirals unless you have at least 8 OB's a year ... which is LUNACY if you have a regular partner and are having regular sex... if you have that many OB"s likely you will give it to them before they let you have the meds... esp in your first year with the virus.

 

Either way, I would say that you should be FINE.... so, again.... BREATHE! Learn from this. Grow from this. Become stronger from this. Don't let it pull you down. I tell people all the time: We are all human beings, being human. Meaning we all fuck up at some point or other. So - you just got one of your fuck-ups out of the way. Don't keep beating yourself up over it. Love yourself like you would love your best friend who told you that they just fucked up... because you are being really hard on yourself.... and I would bet you wouldn't talk to a best friend about this the way you are talking to yourself.... right???

 

(((HUGS)))

 

PS - did you look at any of the links I gave you above? If not, I suggest that you do. You may get something from them

[Geminij]

Thanks for your support dancer and sil 88 xx

[Katidid]

For sure you need to get some help with the depression and just let things simmer down a bit. I'm sure if you passed herpies to him, he is the type to get right in your face about it. You will for sure know, but I don't think he'll spread that about town as he would be telling on himself as well. Just take a deep breath and get yourself on track.