At my wits end

[AussieBattler]

First time ever posting on here, but have been a long time reader.

Struggling to type this through the tears in my eyes.

I found out I have HSV2 about 4 years ago, and it has taken me an INCREDIBLY long time to come to terms with it. I'm finally at a place where I feel like I've accepted my actions and the mistakes I made that led me to where I am today, but I can't deal with this anymore. I've accepted my diagnosis, and tell myself that its just a virus, it won't kill me or anyone else, but I can't bear to have to tell someone else. I have the most amazingly supportive family, but I still feel so alone and like they just tell me what they think I want to hear.

I've tried absolutely everything, am currently on once a day Valtrex, avoid caffiene and chocolate, and have tried over the years cutting out other foods like wheat and nuts. But I still get painful outbreaks. I'm still disgusted with myself. If I could just control it I might feel better. But despite all my efforts and acceptance it still this long after makes me feel worthless and ashamed and alone.

Even before my diagnosis I was never one to dive into relationships head first, or wear my heart on sleeve. I always tried to act the strong independant woman I thought I was, and for someone reason struggle to start relationships because Im scared of something but I dont know what. And now I feel like Ill never be able to have a relationship. The constant pain and discomfort is just a constant reminder of barriers I dont need. I dont want to go into details about my symptoms but sometimes I dont notice them, and sometimes it feels like I get a days respite but then they are there again for weeks or months (similar to others Ive read about like anal fissures I think). I'm not under a huge amount of stress at the moment but constantly feel incomponent and in an endless cycle.

I'm sorry for the sob story, but I really just am at my wits end and wish I could control the symptoms forever.... physically and emotionally.

[MMissouri]

Your outbreaks should be lessening. I would go back to the doctor and see if you can either up your valtrex dosage or change to a different medication. Some meds work better for some people. I would deal with the outbreaks first, get them manageable, and then deal with anything else after.

 

Heck, have a piece of chocolate! It always makes me feel better. And your avoiding it is not making your outbreaks better, so indulge. It's obviously not the cause in this situation.

 

Have you tried any of the advice you've read on the forum? (Baths with epsom salts, going commando, keeping the area dry?). Could there possibly be something else messing with your immune system? 4 years is a long time. Constant outbreaks would make anyone have a hard time adjusting.

 

Once you get them physical symptoms under control, It will give you the break to deal with the emotional ones. Hang in there.