Just got herpes from the man that raped me.

[Sunshine1110]

I have only had unprotected sex with two people. The man that raped me and my current partner. I'm scared about how this will affect everything. I love the guy I'm with a lot and I've already told him. He seems supportive but I don't think he'll stay. I'm upset and in a lot of pain and when I told my best friend I got rejected. I have no where to go.

[StillMeButWiser]

First of all, I am sorry to hear you had to experience such evil. Herpes is not your fault in fact none of us wants herpes, we didn't ask for nor do we deserve it. One of life's misfortune, unfortunately. If your boyfriend said he was ok with it, believe him. You are very blessed to have a man who understands what I just said and is willing to love you no matter what flaws you have. Girl have confidence in yourself, knowing what you bring to the table. Like who you are and everything will fall in place. Stop over thinking it and enjoy the love both of you share.

[WCSDancer2010]

@Sunshine1110

 

Hello and Welcome friend!

 

Rape has a way of shaking your confidence to the core, and making you self sabotage relationships. Having H on top of that adds a whole nuther layer of things to work through. So I hope you are getting support/therapy. If not, I request that you get help because you have a whole lot on your plate and no matter how wonderful this man is, *he* can't be expected to know how to handle this with you, no matter how much he loves you. So let him be your lover and friend, and find a professional to help you with the emotional stuff, ok?

 

If your "friend" rejected you, then they are not a friend. Friends love you unconditionally and stand with you through thick and thin. Friends don't judge. Sure, they may think you are crazy as a fruitcake sometimes or they may not like your choices in clothes or men, but they will always be there for you when you need them. Be thankful that Herpes showed you their true colors.

 

As for your BF - what makes you think he will leave? Sure, odds are he may be confused about what this means for him (were you raped before or after you met him?). Even bigger odds are he just doesn't know HOW to support you. He likely hates to see you hurting and upset, but he won't know how to "make it better". And really, he can't. Only time, and a lot of personal work, can . So, again. Let him be your lover and friend. Don't ask for or expect more, and try to understand he's doing the best he can in a situation that no education prepares us for. And live each day with him at 100%.

 

And *if* he leaves, it's not about YOU ... it's because he needs to take care of himself and he's not in a place to be able to deal with things he can't really understand. He's not a bad guy... but he's not the *right* guy either.

 

But for now, he's with you, he's standing by you, and you have to trust that he isn't going anywhere. To do anything less is to set yourself up for him to leave because you will set up a self-fulfilling prophecy through your actions. So just love him and let him love you. And work on loving YOU too. :)