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Revisiting the forums after a successful disclosure that lead to a 3 year relationship

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It can be done, and it works. Though I was horrified at the prospect of my initial foray into disclosing, the results certainly speak for themselves. Since it was my first time, I couldn't help but to get emotional, as I had no idea what the ride would entail and what thoughts would continue to race through my mind. I think we all tend to assume the worst, but I can think of time and time again throughout my life where my worst fears were just fleeting thoughts that never came to fruition.


The things I said during disclosing were things like, "I respect you, I trust you, and I care enough about you to tell you about this."


She could see the vulnerability in my words and actions, and the trust and respect that it takes to be completely honest and open with another person. This lead to a great relationship that lasted for almost three years, and through proper precautions she remained negative throughout. Our relationship faded for reasons having nothing to do with herpes, and the truth is sometimes people just grow apart, and that's okay. It allowed us to build a base of trust in the relationship that lasted until it just wasn't working anymore.


I suppose what I'm getting at through these words is a bit of positive self affirmation. With the prospect of being back on the ever scary dating scene I wanted to return to the forums and read the positive thoughts of others throughout their journey. A few things I've realized, I'm the same person I was before contracting HSV-2. Probably a better one. Now that I'm in my early 30's I feel much more confident in disclosing than I was in my late 20's. Granted, after learning how to suppress symptoms and seeing the severity of outbreaks decrease, I realize that this manageable inconvenience is nothing more than that, an inconvenience.


My ex and I avoided sexual contact during my outbreaks. I'd jokingly say I had a "situation" that I had to deal with and we'd both give it a quick laugh and move on to making dinner or whatever. I also found there are many ways to remain intimate during these times. I found massage to be something that left us both extremely satisfied without the worry or thought of being unsafe. Intimacy is not just sex, it's opening up your heart and revealing your truest and deepest thoughts, wishes, feelings, and desires that we as human beings have. That in my opinion is true intimacy.


While I'm back on the market and navigating Tinder, Match, the bar scene and other options, my thoughts are now with building something special with the right one. I've learned from my previous relationship just what I'm looking for, and I'm excited about the prospects of finding that person. I may have never had this relationship if it hadn't been for herpes, so in a weird roundabout way I'm grateful.


In conclusion, we are all human beings with unbelievably complex emotions and mental states. However, with a moral core of trust, respect, honesty, and love we can find that reciprocated in someone that we truly care about. Daunting as it all may seem, the proof of my previous relationship leads me no other choice but to believe the right person is out there for me, and with enough time I'm sure we'll cross paths.


Take care of yourselves,



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Ty, this is a beautiful share. Thank you for checking back in! Isn't it fascinating how looking back, herpes can be that thing that initially felt like it was going to be the end of everything, but it actually is the thing that cracked us open to loving on a deeper level? I still find it fascinating for myself, even many years later. I imagine going back in time telling myself when I was distraught and feeling so, so hopeless that this is all going to turn out being so, so good. Grabbing that Opportunity! I have a feeling you'll do just fine in your right person quest. ;)

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

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