Big mistake/Sex anxiety/One day without antivirals?

[Gimmehope]

I've had H for about a year. My partner, who is H negative, is incredibly loving and patient. This past weekend, I think we had sex during an outbreak. I didn't think it was it at the time, it was in a different place and it felt different, now I think I may have done something truly terrible. I can't stop crying, it's hard to work. The idea of giving it to someone so good is too much to bear. Every time we have sex (always with condoms) I worry about whether I have an outbreak and just don't know. The sex doesn't seem worth the heart-wrenching anxiety? Has anyone had these feelings before? How do you deal with it, the possibility of giving it to someone you love or enjoying sex again?

Also, the day before the outbreak (worst one in a year), I missed one day of Acyclovir after taking it religiously for a year. What are the chances missing a day could have caused it?

[optimist]

@Gimmehope I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. Maybe you're already doing this, but I take daily antivirals and that seems to help put me at ease. Just knowing I'm doing everything possible to reduce transmission seems to allow me to put anxiety aside.