2,5 years hsv2 and still not being confident

[bootox]

Hello,

Here i am again, now 2,5 years after my diagnosis and my major problem is still that i feel

absolutly not in control and confident of my own body. Everytime i look down at my penis

i never feel like “ok that looks quite normal everything should be fine“, i just dont know how the skin, the glans should look like if everything fine atm. Not knowing this drives me insane, how should i ever find a girlfriend or have sex again if i never get to be confident enough to say. Unprotected sex or oralsex is also of the table forever if i dont get to be confident about my herpes. I lost nearly all my self confidence because im just to stupid to monitor or journaling my body and i guess 2,5 years in its already late i should've tried in the beginning.

 

I just dont know what to do i feel like i never get to that point where im comfortabel to have sex, hopefully not always protected atleast oral, but i guess aslong im not confident rnough about my herpes and getting my self confidence back there will be no girl who wants to be with me.

But i dont see me ever getting there because i dont know how, i went to different dermatologist to ask them about what ivthink looks strange most of the time on my glans, all they could say is that i could be herpes related but nearly impossible to find out, i cannot afford getting a swab everytime.

 

Losing more and more hope to ever be able to get along with my herpes, i feel lost i guess i shoukd just stop to want a girlfriend or sex woukd be way easier :( :(

[HikingGirl]

Hi, @bootox. It's never too late to start keeping track of changes with your body. I acquired HSV 18-25 years before my diagnosis, and I didn't start keeping a calendar of symptoms (and possible triggers Iike a day of eating junk food or a night of no sleep) until a year after my diagnosis.

 

When I read your post, what jumped out at me was the feeling that you can't move forward with confidence because you don't have certainty about your symptoms. Is that true?

[Katidid]

@nootox are you on anti vitals daily? It may be what you need to get your glands to settle or a gynecologist to have a look....as hikinggirl said above, it's never to late to journal. The anti viral daily might be your best friend. It's certainly worth a try for peace of mind and a chance at no outbreaks and may make disclosure a little easier on you.

[bootox]

Hi, first thanks for the answers and sorry for responding so late.

 

no i'm not on anti virals daily and guess i never will cause i'm really afraid of side effects, especially of losing hair, i'm kind of proud of having still all of my hair as a 31 year old male, and i find nothing where it says the hair comes back after stoping the meds.

 

the one thing is i don't have symptoms like tingling and burning, sometimes i have tingling yes but it never get to an outbreak after that, i'm even not sure if this tingling is realy related to herpes, because it happens most of the time when i worry to much about herpes and i have a history of psychosomatic symptoms, so it could be only that and not related to herpes i just dont know :( but better safe than sorry, so i would just act like it would be herpes related.

the other thing is that when i look at my glans it never looks normal in my eyes.

there are always some spots that seems to be discolored, but it never looks the same for me its just confusing me so much, i guess it could be herpes realted but i see no way to find out, what could a doctor do? it doesnt look like "typical" herpessymptoms, doing a swab which have a high chance of a false negative? would be just waste of my money doing this i guess. i even dont know how i should problably discribe these spots to see for myself if or how it maybe changes, maybe its just how my glans looks like ...maybe .... aaaaahhhh i dont know .... soooo confusing ;(

 

I don't know if u get what i want to say, not so easy to discribe this in english for me.

 

i started journaling but had to stop cause it reminds me so often about this virus and that get me in a bad mood, i want to try it again in near future but before i have to find a way not getting in such a bad mood nearly everytime herpes comes in my mind ...

 

@HikingGirl u are right i want to have more certainty so i can move on with confidence