Today Was A Good Day -

[Cecilia]

Hi,

 

I thought I would share today... seeing that I have been so graciously accepted by everyone on this site and received such wonderful information and guidance over the past couple of days as I begin to process my diagnosis of this disease over this past week.

 

Of course, today would start with me making a following up with my OBGYN and the office saying my IgG was negative. I knew I had a positive swab (the week before) so this was a mere blissful moment of me thinking maybe....just maybe...I got a false positive swab result. HA! Very, very doubtful with the symptoms. So back to the doc in the morning to see what the next steps going to be.

 

I am now better educated because I took some time to read a ton of info from Terri Warren. I read the updated version of her Herpes Handbook. So I am not holding out for a miracle here but I do feel more educated and I believe that I have a better understanding of what is happening in my body and what I can do (or have control over). I believe this will help my body image and self-confidence....also positive self talk is helping. Thanks to @HikingGirl who has followed up with me on questions and whom I feel is constantly contributing such useful, logical,educated and caring responses to delicate feelings and situations that some of us shy away from responding too... due to not maybe feeling like we can say something as eloquently. I will try to make responses to the courageous discussions put up by so many.

 

Okay so back to the day...

 

I took a shower today (woot woot) and looked at myself in the mirror...Today I didn't see Herpes...I did my hair and used my new fabulous simplehuman make-up mirror I got for mother's day and thought...I'm looking pretty good for 39. I even pulled out my fashion magazines and cut out some looks. Yes, as I mentioned to Adrial...I used to love fashion and for the past week I have not been able to put anything together or even look at my stack of recent arrivals.... due to me feeling like Herpes 2 has made me undesirable. However, that is negative talk and after I got ready (minus the burning sensations) I felt pretty darn great. I plan on spending a day with my father for his birthday Tuesday after my doctor's visit. Turning the music up loud to some of Prince's Greatest Hits and just being okay with not actually having a doctor deliver a death sentence but a chance to make me better. Yeah this sucks, but life doesn't always give us what we want. ---I think I'm going to put in The Rolling Stones's Greatest hits too...

 

I've pretty much grieved the loss of the boyfriend who thought "he would find out who was lying" - His test results come back in the morning. However, it's been 5 days but hey 21 days to break a habit...not much longer to go.

 

I know and have to keep reminding myself that I am the only one that can make me happy. I sat out in the sun today (okay shade) and watched the trees move with the wind on my back patio. Single...I felt empowered to make some changes in my life. I ate well today, drank some black tea and watched my son build a dig site over the flowers that had just been planted. I laughed. Isn't that what it is all about...this life gone so soon but those moments when we forget about everything feeding us negative vibes, self inner hatred and low self-confidence and laugh, even happy cry and enjoy the moments that go fleeting by...So many new memories to create now. I am going to choose to live in my new future. It's not perfect but new meanings will be found and journeys to be met.

 

okay...blah blah blah. Have a nice evening/early morning.

 

Cecilia

[Katidid]

@Cecilia.... I just have a big ole "go girl" for you!!! That's right....look into that mirror and see that beautiful woman looking back! It's perfectly ok to appreciate yourself just as you are doing and why the hell not?? I take very good care of myself, workout like it's my job, have an exceptional physique, great personality (ask me lol), get lots of rest, work full time sometimes Sat and Sun too. I take time to look as nice as I can every day before I leave my house because if you look good, you feel good and when you feel good.......everyone benefits!!! Have a wonderful day and keep us posted. You own this girlfriend!!!

[HikingGirl]

I loved reading this, @Cecilia! Recognizing that putting our focus on things we can control is so empowering, isn't it? It's so easy (myself included, for sure) to live in the past ("I can't believe I got herpes") and/or the future ("No one will ever love me again") that we look right past all of the small, beautiful moments of the present. You are a rockstar!