Still Struggling

[YoursTrulyB]

Hey guys! I'm new to this and I'm just looking for some support as I've really been struggling lately. I' was diagnosed with HSV-2 about three years ago. I was so devastated. I was in a relationship with someone who I thought loved me and had my best interests at heart. We had the talk about unprotected sex and decided it was time to take out relationships to the next level. We trusted each other so it didn't seem like a bad idea... little did I know. We had unprotected sex and the very next morning I woke up in horrible pain. I couldn't really walk, use the restroom, I know something was wrong. I went to the emergency room and sure enough, it was herpes. I was mortified. I immediately went to my partner and told him what I just found out. His response? "Are we done here, I have to get back to work." He knew he had it. I guess my well being and safety didn't matter to him. Two weeks later, he moved to Cali. Needless to say, I was going through an emotional roller coaster. Not only was I just diagnosed with herpes, my "man" knew he had t and didn't care he gave it to me, and he was already planning to leave me (which I knew nothing about). I have struggled everyday since trying to cope with this. How do you trust anyone after something like this? Who is going to want to be with someone who has herpes? How do I tell people I have this? Will I be alone forever? Some days are easier than others but the worst is meeting someone new and having this thought longer in the back of your mind. I recently met and AMAZING guy. He was everything I had been looking for, seriously. We had an amazing connection and he acknowledged that as well. Things were moving fast so I decided to have the talk. He took it pretty well, said that it didn't change his feelings towards me, and that we would just be careful moving forward. I was ecstatic! Finally, someone who wanted me just as much as I wanted them. A week later I got the TEXT. " I don't think I have it in me to be with someone in your condition". Heartbroken. Everyday since I've felt so low. I don't know where to go or what to do. All I want to do is cry.

[Findingmexo]

Hey I feel your pain !! I know the feeling but please keep your head up and remember anyone who doesn't want to with you because of that wasn't meant for you in the first place. Seek help and form a relationship with god !! As I'm trying to do the same, be blessed !

[YoursTrulyB]

I keep telling myself that and I'm really trying but it's so hard. Before people find out, they're all about me. Once they find out, they disappear. It's almost like, is who I am as a person not good enough? Is anyone ever going to be able to see past this? I try to pray about it and stay positive but I'm really struggling. Thank you for the kind words!

[SPATX919]

My giver knew and didn't disclose either. I didn't show symptoms for a couple months and he'd rejected me before I was diagnosed. He'd been actively trying to reconcile with his ex the whole time we were sleeping together. Got hit with a one-two punch just like you. My pain is still fresh so I'm afraid I don't have much in the way of wisdom to impart but just wanted you to know you're not alone. These men are the WORST but I have to believe not all men are like that. Keep your chin up!

[YoursTrulyB]

@spatx919 Thank you for reaching out. It is a horrible feeling when someone you cared about does something like this to you. It happened three years ago and I'm still angry. It is nice to know there are people in my boat as well. I hope things get better for you and my inbox is always open if you need it : )

[Katidid]

@YoursTrulyB.......jeeze, one day following unprotected sex and you got it!? That, in itself, is baffling only because of the odds of "one unprotected sex act." Given his "cold" nature after you told him, he may have had an outbreak and just didn't give a shit. Had you had protected sex up to that point? Just curious. I've had H for 30 plus years and you will find someone who will love you for you and H will take a back seat!!! I promise it will happen. I know it seems like the world has caved in, but your prince is out there. Just keep reading all the positive stories here.....it will help.

[YoursTrulyB]

@katydid Yupp, the very next morning. We had used protection up until that point. We had a whole conversation and he assured me he was fine. It drives me crazy to think someone could be that heartless. I could NEVER do that to someone.

 

Thank you for the kinds words! I still have hope it will happen for me, however, it's slowly dwindling down. Rejection after rejection will do that to you. I just found this site and I have to say, reading the success storied really truly helps. Trying to stay positive!

 

May I ask how you found out?

 

[Katidid]

Sure....you can pretty well ask anything here which is so nice. My story is also in the veterans section here. My giver knew he had it. Hardly any info out there like there is today. Not even anti viral. We had been having unprotected sex for months. Then one night he said he thought he had an infection so he used a condom. Well, the condom came off inside me and I had to fish it out. It was about 4 days later I developed an open sore just inside which hurt like hell. I don't remember being sick or any other symptom other than that. I mentioned it the next time we saw each other (remember no cell phones back then) and he was just like hmm that's odd. So, I went to Dr and even the Dr couldn't see anything....really?? So I went back to Dr with a mirror and showed him. He said he didn't think it was anything to worry about. So long story short. I healed and the next ob was blisters so I knew what I had. Went through my bf's med cabinet and found the cream they prescribed for herpes back then.....my proof!!! I then confronted him and he came forth apologizing profusely. I found it in myself to forgive him and we are great friends to this day. I've disclosed twice since. 1st guy said "well, that's something to think about". Two weeks later he came back and apologized for handling it wrong and wanted another chance. We dated for about 3 months. He moved to another job and new life out of state. 2nd was my now husband of 21 yrs who is H negative still. He is a gem. Never, ever brings it up. Never made a big deal out of it. He does, however use condoms, but we have way more oral (unprotected) than anything. So life does go on and there are good men out there.

[YoursTrulyB]

@katidid do you think he would've never really told you had ou not found the cream? That's a pretty crazy story. Being told it's not something to worry about and later on finding out it is what you thought it was. I'm sorry it happened that way. I am glad to hear that you did find someone one! Definitely gives me hope. I'm still searching and the rejection hurts every single time. It never gets easier (for me at least) I hope the ohhh one comes along soon, idk how much more I can take lol

[Katidid]

No, I feel like had I not done my bit of snooping and found the cream, he would have gone on as if nothing happened. Having said that, this man ended up truly caring very much about/for me and is really one of my dearest friends. His morals have changed so much over 35 yrs....we all are capable of changing if we want to! I cant imagine life without him tucked away in it. He is very happily married now to a great woman. So, again.... I'm sure this time he disclosed and found a wonderful woman who accepted the H. It happens all the time.

[YoursTrulyB]

@katydid That's great to hear that you and your friend have both found someone who is accepting of this. Seriously, that makes me very happy to hear and gives me some hope.

 

Have you ever had someone reject you and then come back? I'm asking because the most recent guy I wrote about was perfect for me and from his actions, I was prefect for him. Things were moving fast and it looked like I would be in a great relationship in no time. When I told him, his reaction was the best I'd ever received. He held me, told me to calm down, and said that this doesn't change anything. He was still interested in getting to know me. A week later, he said he was having doubts and didn't know if this was something he could do. Usually, I'll accept the rejection and move on pretty fast. This guy is different. I know it sounds silly, but I'm really hoping he just got freaked out and after some time to think, he'll come back. Idk, I know I'm stretching but I really felt something different with him.

[YoursTrulyB]

@katidid Sorry, misspelled your username lol

[Katidid]

Yes....read my 2nd post to you again. It was the first guy I disclosed to. I'm still in contact with him to this day. He came back two weeks later and wanted another chance

[YoursTrulyB]

@katidid Sorry about that. I looked thought the post before asking but I must've missed that one lol I really do hope that's the case. You've been so helpful with your advice and sharing your story! I really appreciate it

[Katidid]

Any time!!! You can also text my inbox on here if you want to be a bit more personal. I'm glad to help any way I can. It might help you to read Hippyherpy's threads from day one. He has no problem with the ladies and he always discloses