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Too old for this crap.

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Just found out at the age of 51 that I have Herpes 2. After being married and in a monogamous relationship for 23 years, my ex and I divorced because he was very abusive and I couldn’t live like that anymore. Fast forward 10 years and I am remarried to an older guy who I thought was my soulmate. Well I guess he’s not since he knew he had herpes and never thought to tell me about it. I’ve had it for years as I’ve had some outbreaks but didn’t put 2 and 2 together. This last one was a doozy. My husband mentioned it could be herpes and I was like, what? Well he was right. I am completely crushed that he kept this from me and now I have to suffer the pain and embarrassment because of him. Life is so unfair. I just want to die. - clear

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Are you certain he knew his status? Only 1 of 8 people with HSV2 are aware they have it. Or he may have been told long ago that is was only contagious if/when he had symptoms. Some doctors still inform their patients this is the case, though it is inaccurate.


I'm sorry you're feeling embarrassed and betrayed. If it helps at all, please know that is it exceptionally common in our age group. When I tested positive at 47, I was surprised to learn that more than half of divorced women my age have HSV2. Most are just unaware for exactly the reason you mentioned, it can be mild enough to not realize there's an issue. In many cases, there are no symptoms at all.



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Hi Optimist; Yeah unfortunately he knew he had it. I asked him if he was ever actually tested and his response was “no, it wasn’t necessary. I already knew I had it”. He said he was embarrassed to tell me. I’m so angry because I wasn’t given the opportunity to take precautions. He took that from me. All he can say now is that’s he sorry and we can’t rewrite the past. Really?

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Sorry to hear your news. Are you more upset about the lie or the H? Granted he took that choice from you, but had he told you, you love him, eventually you would have stopped taking precautions right? Not saying what he did was fair, but he’s human and it is a fairly common skin rash, not leprosy. Perhaps you could seek joint counseling?

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