32, single, just found out I have type 2, pretty upset, pretty devastated

[incognitoash007]

So, I just found out that I have type two and am devestated. I’m 32 and I’ve been having sex since I was 14, lots of partners so according to the doctor there’s really no way to tell when I contracted. I have always turned over a negative std result so I was pretty shocked when the first thing that left the doctors mouth was “that looks like herpes.” I do understand the stigma that comes attached with type 2, I myself was fairly promiscuous and almost feel like I’m being punished in some way or another. I don’t understand how (from what I’ve read) type 1 can cause type 2 but only type 2 is categorized as an std. That seems really unfair. I think I had an outbreak about a year ago (I went to the doctor and they told me it was a bug bite, no one even asked me if I wanted to test for herpes then). I have them on my upper buttocks close to my waistline, I guess I should be greatful it’s not in a spot that could be more hurtful like my labia or inside the vagina. For the most part everyone I have told has been very understanding. I reached out to all the men I’ve had sex with in the past year (all but one). One told me he tested positive for type 1 even though I’m not sure how accurate that test result is if lesions aren’t present (he and I also had sex while I was having an outbreak- I didn’t know what it was at the time). Another told me that he tested negative. And another initially told me he tested positive for type 1 but then later said that he was retested and had a negative test result. Who knows how true that is.

 

Right after I found out I started exercising and juicing. Changed my diet, started doing what they say you should with oregano oil and Lysine etc etc. I’m guessing some of you have researched that. Has anyone had any success with mitigating their outbreaks or symptoms? Anyone subsequently test negative or reduce their viral load?

 

It’s thanksgiving week and I’m experiencing another outbreak, two months after the last. I have however, been a complete carnivore this week. Just eating really poorly. This outbreak is def not as bad as the last and I didn’t have to call the doctor for medicine or anything. I also had sex with the guy I was sleeping with when I found out on Monday (today is Saturday) so don’t know how I’m supposed to keep him informed. He claims he doesn’t care at this point. And is totally fine with us sleeping together (with or without protection). I wonder if he’d still be ok with sleeping with me though if he didn’t have a positive test result. In my head I wouldn’t want to sleep with me. He loves to spoon and even that scares me because I have my outbreaks on my backside.

 

I know this is not the end of the world even though it certainly feels that way. The first month was the hardest. I was literally having meltdowns at work. Watching tv shows and bursting into tears, feeling like will never have this type of love. It does help to talk about it a few ppl have even told me that they know others that have it and one told me she does have it. The guys I have told all told me that they would still sleep with me and it’s really not that big of a deal. Idk how I feel about them saying that. Already have anxiety issues as it is, most definitely and experiencing some major depression. I guess my biggest worry and fear at the moment is that I’m 32, will be 32 in April, I’m single, no children and I feel like I have greatly compromised my love life. Or any hope that I could have the babies and the husband and the big house, white picket fence, etc. etc.

 

I don’t know you guys. I’d love any words of encouragement or advice.

 

[hippyherpy]

Get some meds like Valtrex. You are going to be fine. Herpes isn't a big deal. Don't make a bigger thing out of it than it actually is.

[optimist]

Large studies in the U.S. indicate about 30% of pregnant women have HSV2. An additional unknown portion of the 66% of pregnant women with HSV1 have genital HSV1 (either types can cause genital herpes; one type does not turn into another based on location). Either type is high risk if contracted near the end of pregnancy. However, it's rare for established infections to cause any problems in pregnancy. Most of the pregnant women who are infected don't even realize they have genital HSV.

 

I know the stigma sucks. I think the feelings you're experiencing now are very normal but will most likely pass with a little time or at least improve quite a bit. HSV2 is not a punishment for your lifestyle, it's a common virus. Autopsies indicate 40% of people in the U.S. contract it at some point during their lives and the vast majority were undiagnosed in life. While rates do increase with age and number of partners, lots of people with very limited sexual histories have HSV2. It's the stigma that is making you feel crappy and thinking of it in terms of a punishment. I think you've already figured that out to a degree because you mentioned it seems unfair oral HSV does not appear to share the same stigma as genital HSV, even when the infection is spread from the mouth to the genitals (and again, it does not turn into HSV2 in such a case, it is still HSV1, just in the genital region). I completely agree with you that this discrepancy is really unfortunate. When I was newly diagnosed with HSV2, sometimes I would substitute the word "cold sores" when having negative thoughts about herpes and it would always make me realize how much of my issue was about stigma. I kind of had to deprogram myself.

 

As for finding the love of your life, I can tell you I have multiple friends with herpes who found love, married, had kids, etc. I know dating is already hard sometimes, so I don't mean to minimize that, but I want you to know it is not an issue for many people, just as you found with your male friends. I think it's great you're opening up about it to friends who you trust and that they are being supportive.

 

AFAIK, antivirals, condoms, disclosure and avoiding sex during outbreaks are the only things scientifically proven to reduce transmission risk, but there are tons of posts on the site with anecdotal info you may find helpful about Lysine, etc.

 

[incognitoash007]

Thank you. I’m clearly in my feelings bcuz I’m having an outbreak right now. This is only the 3rd but every time it’s like, “oh hi, you’re still there.” I know it’s going to take time for me to figure it out and fully accept I have what I have. I appreciate your comment though, thank you.