disclosing

[ANON463829]

I just found out that I have HSV2. I've been so upset about it recently and was almost suicidal about it. I've been doing so much research and I cannot believe how common this is and I'm more upset now about how this could potentially stop me from getting married or having kids which is all I want in life. I wish I did not go to get tested because I only had one small cut, but I am a nursing major so I knew to always test everything. I just feel like if I wasn't as vigilant or cautious I would have never known and I feel like its so unfair :(. I'm wondering if it is so bad not to disclose to a partner in the future. I don't want this to ruin my life, I know I would feel so guilty to do this but i'm at the point if i would rather feel guilty or just die. I'm only 20 years old and I feel like my life is over before I even started. I haven't told the guy that I got this from because I don't want to ruin his life like I feel mine is.

[Stayingpositive2]

I know how you feel. I’m 21 and when I was first diagnosed I thought my dating life was over, but people are a lot more understanding than you think. You can still get married and have kids, plenty of people with h do. I think it’s really unfair not to disclose, my ex didn’t disclose to me and I still have a lot of resentment towards him. When I was diagnosed I felt so betrayed and upset that he didn’t respect me enough to tell me. I personally would never want to put someone else through that. It wasn’t the fact that he had herpes that ruined our relationship, but the fact that he didn’t let me decide for myself if I wanted to put myself at risk of getting it. If you really want to have an honest and meaningful relationship with someone then I think it’s really important to disclose.

[RegularGuy]

The worst thing you can do is fail to disclose.

There are tons of examples of the guilt, shame, and depression that ignoring someone you care about's right to consent causes.

 

Remember that herpes has zero influence on who you are and what a great person you can be.

It won't be long before you see that you are just as smart, just as capable, just as desirable, and just as good as you have always been.

Only your choices can change that.

If you choose to use your diagnosis as a weapon to hurt people close to you, you will never feel any satisfaction from it.

Don't let fear make decisions for you.

Find someone worth your time and energy. Find someone you care about. And be good to them so that they can be good to you.

[ANON463829]

I know you guys are right. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I am just so upset that this happened and how it might really hurt me in the future. Thanks so much for your advice.

[RegularGuy]

Try not to feed the fear train of thought.

Focus on all those things that make you a great person!

If all you can offer someone is compassion, empathy, honesty, passion and thoughtfulness...

Think about that.

What more does anyone you want to be with possibly want?

Some people have an unhealthy obsession with penguin figurines, Kardashians, or politics. All dealbreakers to some, but just a footnote to others.

For the person who is right for you, herpes will be equally a footnote to an otherwise fantastic relationship.

[Lollyann76]

@ANON463829 I have been through what you're feeling, when I first contracted genital herpes, then again when I realized my marriage was failing. (Because my then-husband was my giver, I was terrified that no one would want to be with me...) When I got with my giver (ex-husband), he did not disclose to me, and when I contracted it, I was devastated emotionally. It took me a long time to forgive him. When our marriage started to fail, I swore I would not do to someone else what had been done to me. Well, soon after my divorce was final, I got involved with someone. I was too afraid and ashamed to tell him I have genital herpes, and did not disclose. That was a huge mistake on my part. It destroyed me inside. When our "situation" ended, I spent a good amount of time concentrating on me. I've told a lot of people that I have genital herpes, and many times I've gotten the response, "So do I". Most of these "disclosures" were part of casual conversation, the ones I really like are the more difficult ones for me. I recently met someone I really like. I disclosed to him within a week, it just felt like the right time. He was not put off in any way whatsoever. As a matter of fact, he thanked me, and told me that he admired the courage it must have taken. He also said he has a lot of respect for me. He then stayed the night. (No intercourse, as I want to take it slow, and he respects that as well.) He is staying the night again tonight. There are a LOT of people out there that will accept you, herpes and all. There are also a LOT of people out there that will respond with, "I have it too". I hope this helps in some way. (((hugs)))