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How to be a good friend to casual sex'ing friends

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I just moved to NYC, which as you know is like one giant orgy at times. I am living in a group house of good friends who are all having casual sex and talking about it after. They are all HSV-. I loved casual sex and sex parties before getting diagnosed, and now that I can't partake in that lifestyle but hear about it all the time, well it makes me slightly nauseous. How does one be a good friend and listen to these stories without being nauseous all the time, knowing that I can't be normal that way anymore?

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You have some decisions amd some options to approach the situation with.

You can certainly stil enjoy casual sex, but you'll have to figure out disclosing wich seems like it would be a little challenging in a group setting. I haven't ever participated in anything like that, but I imagine standing on the coffee table and making an announcement would be as embarrassing as it would be effective.

It sounds like you chose to abstain from those occasions. Probably a good choice, but you clearly are a little torn on the issue.

The third choice would be to separate yourself from the groups that get together in that way. It would require some lifestyle changes and not hanging out with some friends, but it would eliminate having to sit and listen to discussions about things you no longer participate in.


For your own sake, think about what you want to be surrounded by.

Not everyone in NYC is part of that group, you simply associate the lifestyle and the group of friends with living in NYC.

If you want to participate, disclose and seek acceptance. Take steps to mitigate risk of transmission and let others make their decision about risk.

If you can't or won't do that, maybe for your own sanity, you might need to start building a new circle with a different attitude toward sex.


You certainly don't need to and shouldn't have to subject yourself to such clear torment.


Having found myself having drinks with friends who did have conversations similar to that, realizing they would do so regularly when they got together, I simply excluded myself when certain individuals met up. Eventually, life careied me away from that circle and toward new friends with more similar interests and lifestyle to my own.

Maybe that's not the best option for you, but it worked out naturally that way for me.


Personally, I'm never one to care to hear about another person's sex life.

Unless they are telling me how great sex with me was, haha!

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