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cerul

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  1. Hey community, I botched a disclosure the other night with someone who I really liked. I can’t see straight through the situation so I’m looking for some perspective, or a kind word, so I can move forward. We had been talking for a while and went over to his house on the first date, I had asked just to cuddle. Suddenly it’s getting hot and I panicked and disclosed mid-heat. Turns out he was quite tipsy and we just went to cuddling. Next day I sent him a text saying some of the things I should have said- “it’s no big deal, never been an issue” blah blah. He responded quickly saying all’s well, but haven’t heard from him in a bit. It’s not my first disclosure but I can’t seem to move forward, given how much I liked this person. Looking for a kind word, hard to explain to my H- friends.
  2. @mr_hopp and @Amando thank you! Did/do you have anxiety while having sex with HSV- person? I’d love to know if there are mind tips and tricks to this, because I’m so worried about transmitting during sex, it gets in the way. Another reason why I the herpes dating app is appealing.
  3. Yes thank you @mr_hopp!! I totally see where you’re coming from, and I very much appreciated the handout. However I don’t want to have sex with condoms for the rest of my life, and I see H dating apps as the only way I can make that happen?
  4. Hey guys, what H dating apps are you using? I was using Positive Singles, then it disappeared and now I only see H date, but it's sooooooooo thin. Part of me thinks like, cool, maybe most people don't need it..? Or is there one I'm missing? Thanks!!
  5. As always, so grateful for this community <3 I'm turning 30 and going to New Orleans with friends to celebrate. My friends really like talking about casual sex and, in genearl, sex like alllll the time. It still makes me feel kinda bummed when I hear that topic of conversation and usually I just bare it, but given that it's my birthday and New Orleans is my favorite place, well I just don't want to have a bad association with this event, especially since NOLA is casual sex central and where I had a #metoo moment that possibly gave me H. (Unconfirmed) How do I ask my friends not to talk about casual sex that much while we're there??!! Is that a weird thing to ask someone?! Thanks so much for your help, I love you.
  6. I've been meaning to write this for years! Every time I jump back on here I remember how super important these success stories are. A few years ago, I was 27 and had never had a long-term partner. I got used to feeling that I was undateable and that casual sex would be the path for me. Fine. Well, then I get my dx. Fun. I had just moved into a group house with a bunch of hysterical guys who were turning into wonderful friends. One month after my dx, it was the Super Bowl and one of the roommates and I got quite hammered and started hooking up in bed. I told him, listen, I have this thing. He's like, well, we don't know I don't have it. And I'm too old to worry about these things (38y/o) and I like you. We dated for almost 2 years. My first relationship, and right after a dx. We broke up, not because of H. Honestly, I don't know if I would have done the relationship thing if we hadn't been so cool with my dx and made me see things differently - other reasons to date someone besides sex and a sense of humor, and that someone might care for me because of..me. It's going to be ok.
  7. Hey community, I'm wondering if you've ever experienced anything similar? I'm 3 years into my dx and just started dating a nice HSV- guy. For a month I've had this weird itch/pain that feels very different from an outbreak and there's a little bump, but I can't tell if it's an outbreak or not, and it's in a different spot than usual. I've been withholding sex for a month thinking it will go away but it hasn't. I wonder if it's (TMI) a cut from grooming or whatnot. It takes ages to get a gyno appt in NYC and I'm scared he's going to leave me from having to wait so long. Every day feels like a year. What would you do? Also does anyone know of support groups in NYC?
  8. Does anyone have any advice on how to: 1. Avoid getting outbreaks after sex? 2. With a new person, how do you have a conversation about post-sex outbreaks? Is it like, hey babe, sex was great but now I have to wait a week or more before I can have sex again? When does this get easier please??!!
  9. Also, now I'm freaking out that I had it DURING sex and I passed it on??? How do you all handle the gdamn anxiety of this thing???
  10. Hey guys. Grateful for this community. Just starting dating(?) this guy. He's HSV- and a sweetheart. We had great sex and now I have a potential outbreak, but I'm not sure? It's not where it usually is, nor does it hurt like it usually does, and I am wondering if it's (sorry, TMI) from some intense bowel movements I've been having. Should I abstain? If you think so, how long? Should I abstain if the area is far south of where...sex happens? Does anyone do anything specific not to get sex outbreaks? Having to wait after each time I have sex would really suck. Thanks so much for being here for me. Sorry for the TMI nature.
  11. I just moved to NYC, which as you know is like one giant orgy at times. I am living in a group house of good friends who are all having casual sex and talking about it after. They are all HSV-. I loved casual sex and sex parties before getting diagnosed, and now that I can't partake in that lifestyle but hear about it all the time, well it makes me slightly nauseous. How does one be a good friend and listen to these stories without being nauseous all the time, knowing that I can't be normal that way anymore?
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