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First Disclosure

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This is my first time posting. I’ve been lurking and finally want to add my own story.


First of all, thank you to everyone who has shared their stories on this site. All your stories, experiences, successes, ideas, thoughts and outlook have helped me more than I can put into words, so thank you! My thinking about H has been completely reframed and I feel like I’m a far better person in so many ways since I was diagnosed. Who would have thought, not this girl!


Now for my disclosure experience. I started seeing this amazing guy about 5 weeks ago. I had decided that I needed to feel I could trust him and also that there was long term potential prior to disclosure. He has done both ten fold. Things have been getting more serious with talk of the future etc. I realized I needed to tell him. Well, tonight I did. He didn’t have a ton of questions, but reassured me it wasn’t a “deal breaker” for him. He asked what his risk of getting H was, so I gave him the rundown. I tried to be confident and straight to the point in how I disclosed. I’m sure I flubbed a bit, but it was my first go round. I told him to do his own research, ask me whatever he wanted because I want to have open dialogue about everything, and to let me know. He shared that he was glad I told him, he appreciated it, and was amazingly supportive. I’m not sure how he may feel after he has time to think about it and learn. He did ask me to educate him about what he should be tested for (I told him I would like him to get tested for STIs for mutual

Informed consent), so it was an open conversation. I’m hoping things work out because he’s seriously amazing. If they don’t, while I will be sad, I know he’s not the right guy for me. What I do know is this, I finally disclosed and it wasn’t as awful as I imagined. Hoping it will be even easier next time.

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Welcome to the club.

Good to hear that you've seen the good in yourself and are able to appreciate yourself as a human being!


You not only did the right thing for him, you did right for yourself.

You gave a real relationship a chance. You gave yourself a chance to experience unfiltered affection and desire, without threat of guilt or regret.

And that is exactly what you deserve!

Keep doing things the way you did, and the only option is that you will find the kind of fulfilling, passionate relationship you're looking for.

Try not to invest too much of your view of yourself in this one guy's opinion. But good luck! I'm sure that however it turns out with this guy, you will keep seeing yourself as a good, kind, caring person who deserves to find fulfillment!

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Thank you for the support and encouragement! I didn’t have the luxury of making an informed decision and I never want to make someone else feel the way I did when I got my first outbreak. I did explain to him that it hasn’t affected my life in any significant way aside from the stress and anxiety I’ve had over having “the conversation.” He truly was kind and open to learning about H. I got the sense he needed time to wrap his head around what I just told him. It wasn’t easy, but boy did it feel good to disclose! We shall see what happens, but I definitely won’t let this crush me if he chooses not to continue seeing me. This site, along with other life events has helped me value myself far more than I ever have. H was life changing, but definitely in more positive than negative.

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Thank you for the words of encouragement! Hopefully I won’t have to disclose too many more times, but it wasn’t nearly as awful as I thought it might be. This site has truly helped me SO much. I actually referred the guy I’m dating here to educate himself and read real life experiences.

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  • 3 months later...

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