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LoveTheMountains last won the day on February 17

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  1. Hi there, so I usually disclose somewhere from date 2 to 3 depending on how its going, how I feel about the person (date 4 if I'm really needing to figure out what I think of this person). It is important to me to see if I feel I can trust the person enough to disclose but also do I even like them?? Its not just about them accepting me, its whether I like them enough to want to spend the time/energy having the talk. I've never had a person get upset that I didn't tell them in advance of meeting (not that it can't happen). I think many/most reasonable people understand why a person would wa
  2. @Jasmine10 whoops its been a long time since I signed on so sorry for the late reply Jasmine....well good and bad news on your question. That disclosure went very well (back in January lol). We were on a 3rd or 4th date at a very nice dinner and I decided to tell him there (usually I do it in a private place but after our last date the goodnight kiss was becoming a bit hot and heavy and I didn't wanted to have this discussion before we got in that situation again). He was surprised and then said he didn't want to let it stop him from getting to know me. By the end of dinner he just coul
  3. @Jasmine10 Yay! So glad to read your post and see you are making progress in accepting your diagnosis and moving forward and finding happiness! Yes it comes in fits and starts. You'll feel good then the prospect of telling someone will send you into a tail spin. Just keep moving forward. I've actually written on here about using comedy to jump start me out of my depression. Only I binge on SNL clips on youtube for my "hit" lol. Other things I recommend: hiking, joining meetup groups, taking myself out to dinner and eating at the bar (where I almost always end up having a fun conversatio
  4. I don't know if this info will make it better or worse for you. My H is something of an enigma. I 100% believe I have had it since I was 16. I was with a guy one time. Found out he had H after. I wasn't stressed because I really didn't know all that much about it and this was pre-internet days so no easy access to info, plus I was a teenager self absorbed with my life so didn't give it too much thought other than to get rid of the guy. (In other words I don't feel I was being a hypochondriac). A week later, insane genital itching and bumps. Over the next few months itchy welts on my chin/
  5. @Loving Husband Oh your post just makes me so sad. I wish I had something to say to make you feel better. I think there's something much deeper for her about this and it may not be fixable for her even with your help. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life in that situation because both parties have to be willing to work on this and it sounds like you are already becoming aware that she is not. But I'm sure you will stick with this for as long as you feel you need to. I don't know, I hope someone else on here has some wiser words for you than I can provide. I'm a bit older than
  6. @no_joyride To the best of my knowledge I'm not getting classic outbreaks. I never had a huge problem with outbreaks too much after the initial but like I said prodromols were like a permanent thing for me for a very long time. I have talked about this elsewhere, sometimes when really stressed I would get a sudden itchy red welt/welts on my chin area that would go away within a few minutes. Those started with the initial infection so I've always attributed that to H. I've seen other people on here talk about it too. Also last year I got teenie tiny hard bump like a little bigger than
  7. Right @Fmals. I personally am not a hippy or new agey person at all so my input is coming from a pretty practical and science driven person lol. There's definitely a connection between mind and body. I'm currently trying this approach with some serious lung issues I'm dealing with. Unfortunately I'm not confident it will work as there appears to be some actual physical damage/scarring in my lungs versus say simple asthma that might have the potential to be impacted by stress. But I'm trying anyway. Even a little relief will be most welcome. Also its way way way harder to ignore not being able
  8. Yah really, that's what I did. I'm not saying it will work for everyone and I can't say exactly how it worked for me, other than that we truly know stress is a trigger so if I stopped caring about it I must have stopped stressing about it and at some point my body could heal???? I was so exhausted by thinking about it all the time. It took over my life it seemed. I don't remember how it played out exactly but I probably just broke down in tears and just said "enough" . Like I gave up in a way. This phenomena is also frequently talked about by recovering alcoholics in AA. My dad was a reco
  9. For me its prodromals before periods and when stressed. very rarely get stressed enough to bring them on anymore. Interestingly I was stressing about prodromols usually! About 10 years ago I literally got fed up with perpetual prodromols and stressing about it and decided I didn't give a damn if I had them every day the rest of my life I was tired of it preoccupying my mind. I just started ignoring the sensation and got busy with my life. I wasn't dating at all so that helped b/c I probably wouldn't have stopped thinking about it. I don't know when but at some point I realized it had all s
  10. @no_joyride This is another one you should read. A couple of of list some of our history of disclosing. My history in particular shows a clear pattern of how I sloooowly improved and got to the place where I'm at today. A lot of the women on that post are in their 40's. https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/topic/6001-successful-online-dating-herpes-disclosures-female-to-male/page/2/
  11. I agree, I'd have a big problem with the way he said it. I have a feeling a few guys I've dated struggled for the same reasons but they were tactful to never say it in that manner. And ultimately its hard if not impossible for it to work with someone who isn't all in. Its a risk for sure, and its not for everyone. But there are so many happy discordant couples (I think that's the word for + and - couples) out there that with the right person it doesn't matter when steps are taken to reduce the risk.
  12. @no_joyride Hi again, back to add some more. Check out this link where I posted twice in. You talked about rolling outbreaks; in it I talk about health stuff. And you talk about thinking no one will want you; I wrote some stuff about that. Both are pretty long lol bc I wrote a lot!
  13. @no_joyride Well, hard to say exactly because each is a little different but for the most part it is probably similar to how a lot of people on here disclose. I think some people have written down verbatim and posted it. Like everyone says, don't be dramatic and a tearful mess, that scares people. But honestly many of my early disclosures were that way because I simply didn't have the practice. If I could go back in time I'd just start disclosing away on casual dates that I wasn't that interested in just for the shear practice! I feel like its the repetition (and realizing most men were
  14. BTW I'm in my 40's now and feel way sexier and more vibrant than ever! It really is a surprise to me. I did not expect this.
  15. Hi there, I've posted in a few places that might relate to your question. I don't think I wrote about it in terms of getting my "sexy back" lol but in some ways I guess that's what it was! Trying doing a search for threads that I posted in to read more. I'd link them here but its late and I'm headed to bed. I guess if I could sum it up I essentially got tired of "hiding behind my shame" and just got busy living again, and got more opportunities to disclose, and in the process I discovered whoa men still liked me- a lot. And not just for sex, but liked spending time with me. Realized I wasn't
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