chances I spread it to my partner

[alllgood]

So ever since I've been diagnosed my health anxiety, which has always been bad,  has gone through the roof. I was hooking up with my ex this weekend but didn't want to take it too far because I'm not sure how I feel about reconnecting and I was nervous about having an outbreak since I was just on my period. So we basically just made out but there was also "dry humping" and whatever else involved and at one point his penis touched my butt skin-to-skin contact and he also touched me down there over the pants before touching himself. I was wondering if there is a possibility that he could've gotten it from me in that way? There was no touching straight to my vagina only kind of near and my buttocks for a second before I moved. He has been sick ever since the first night we hooked up, however, I've been feeling under the weather as well and we were up all night drinking all weekend. Sorry for the descriptions, didn't know how else to explain this lol. Please let me know I'm extremely nervous about this. I just worry because I know i have an an outbreak go up my buttocks and thighs and even though he might not have directly touched one maybe its still possible? 

[Ann09]

I don’t think the chances are high!

[happyman_adventurous]

Hi @alllgood

I would say he is completely safe. Penis to butt, "skin-to-skin" contact, is hyper-safe, unless there are open sores involved in your butt skin, which wasn't the case.

This is because the butt skin is too thick to allow the virus to get out of your body if there aren't open sores. The virus cannot shed asymptomatically on the butt's skin - as it can do on the vagina labia / internal mucose or the penile skin (thin surfaces).

The butt, the tights, or the under-the-belly / belly area, are thick by nature and will contain the virus.

The only case when those areas are compromised is if there were "open sores". If there weren't, then the risk is non-existent, and your boy is 100% safe.

"Dry humping": clothes are in between, the risk is zero. Touching down there with clothes and then touching himself: the same thing, the risk is zero. The virus dies if it touches clothes, it needs consistent and rough "human cell-to-human cell" communication to spread.

• Sources about skin thickness / clothes and the virus can be found here: Terri Warren https://westoverheights.com/forum/

Personal note

We can get really paranoid about herpes, but if you take the essential precautions, consistently, you'll be fine.

If you take your daily medicine, do it with condoms, and avoid sex during outbreaks, your life can be plentiful and have plenty of relaxed, awesome sex and intimacy, and you won't spread it - provided you follow those guidelines systematically.

There are people who do it without condoms, and take the medication daily, and avoid sex during outbreaks - and they won't pass it to their lifetime partners.

Here you'll find some cool stats about transmission:

• https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

Take care and best regards,

 

 

[alllgood]

On 7/29/2018 at 9:54 PM, happyman_adventurous said:

Hi @alllgood

I would say he is completely safe. Penis to butt, "skin-to-skin" contact, is hyper-safe, unless there are open sores involved in your butt skin, which wasn't the case.

This is because the butt skin is too thick to allow the virus to get out of your body if there aren't open sores. The virus cannot shed asymptomatically on the butt's skin - as it can do on the vagina labia / internal mucose or the penile skin (thin surfaces).

The butt, the tights, or the under-the-belly / belly area, are thick by nature and will contain the virus.

The only case when those areas are compromised is if there were "open sores". If there weren't, then the risk is non-existent, and your boy is 100% safe.

"Dry humping": clothes are in between, the risk is zero. Touching down there with clothes and then touching himself: the same thing, the risk is zero. The virus dies if it touches clothes, it needs consistent and rough "human cell-to-human cell" communication to spread.

• Sources about skin thickness / clothes and the virus can be found here: Terri Warren https://westoverheights.com/forum/

Personal note

We can get really paranoid about herpes, but if you take the essential precautions, consistently, you'll be fine.

If you take your daily medicine, do it with condoms, and avoid sex during outbreaks, your life can be plentiful and have plenty of relaxed, awesome sex and intimacy, and you won't spread it - provided you follow those guidelines systematically.

There are people who do it without condoms, and take the medication daily, and avoid sex during outbreaks - and they won't pass it to their lifetime partners.

Here you'll find some cool stats about transmission:

• https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

Take care and best regards,

 

 

Thank you! I've been feeling really sexually restricted as my ex and I hate using condoms while knowing we are only with each other and i dont want him to think he has to (I will tell him the stats) but I feel like me being me, wants to becasue I'm scared to pass it. but hearing people have intimate sex with some precautions and being safe helps me a lot. I hate feeling like a dirty bacteria that cant be touched without a barrier.. at least all the time. 

[happyman_adventurous]

@alllgood yes it is very frustrating having to use a condom but I agree it's the best strategy to follow, at least during the first year (or year and a half), until our inmune system has a good grip on the virus.

I have urges not to use it, but I prefer to wait until the "year and a half mark", as theoretically it sheds less and less as the time goes by, regarding both outbreaks, and asymptomatic shedding.

Personally I'll use the medication like forever, 800mg daily.

Other measures

I have thought about avoiding sex when I'm ill (weak inmune system) and when I'm stressed out (but typical sex can be replaced by other things during those times). Also we have other tools like pre and post showers, avoiding razor shaving (using a clipper instead), using daily supplements, etc.

It may seem like we have to be on the defensive all the time, but I think we can learn to be 100% relaxed, love ourselves, be on the trust zone with our partners, and take those measures as a simple routine without any further thought. I bet we can. We have a huge life of fun and joy in front of us and this "thing" won't ruin it!

And please don't feel like a bacteria, I won't deny some bacteria are cool, but we are out of their league, and we are awesome and sexy beings, we have to adjust our self-image a little bit after that, but let me assure you we can shine again and be as appealing as always, specially if you have found a good guy.

For girls, ironically, it's harder regarding the pain and the stigma, but it's easier when you meet a good guy that will respect you, as we don't care as much about the risks.

Best regards to you,

[Amando]

On ‎9‎/‎19‎/‎2018 at 8:03 AM, alllgood said:

Thank you! I've been feeling really sexually restricted as my ex and I hate using condoms while knowing we are only with each other and i dont want him to think he has to (I will tell him the stats) but I feel like me being me, wants to becasue I'm scared to pass it. but hearing people have intimate sex with some precautions and being safe helps me a lot. I hate feeling like a dirty bacteria that cant be touched without a barrier.. at least all the time. 

Hey alllgood

I don't like that last sentence about you  feeling like a dirty bacteria, you are not that & never ever will be, you are a  beautiful human being,
Always remember that, love yourself 🙂

@happyman_adventurous Great advice & your a wealth of knowledge!