happyman_adventurous

He accepted because you are precisely worth it!!! You have the right to be happy, don't deny it. Herpes is reduced to (barely) nothing if there's love. Regards,

It is true we have to re-love ourselves and our sexual parts, but is doable. The fact that herpes is an on-and-off illness, gives us the chance to recover and understand we are not 100% of the time outbreaking or shedding, so we aren't that dangerous or contagious. Many people catches the common flu once or twice a year, so our goal needs to be bringing our outbreaks to something similar, using all the tools we have. Most of the time we'll be fine, and if we take the medication and keep a mature monitoring, we'll bring the outbreaks and shedding to an anecdotical lapse. You'll be an awesome woman (and lover) with this thing or without it. Also, because of hornyness and less of an stigma, we guys are (eventually) more willing to accept an infected partner - specially if there's a long-term commitment orientation in the relationship.

Hi @justfine, 1. Personally I never have any discomfort after sex that I can relate to the virus. If you are very self conscious about the area it may give you this feeling, but in my particular case, it never happened. What did happen in my first months was having sex then having an outbreak (clear and visible, a day after sex), but without any warning. 2. Yes it is possible to have little outbreaks regularly, at least this was what I experienced during the first 6 months. But they last daysm not hours. Once you are on daily medication, and once you are deep in your first year, this frequency diminish. However, "one hour duration" outbreaks aren't something I ever heard about. They can be small, but they take at least three good days to heal if the area is external, and you use some topical remedy (I think of Aloe Vera for example, that helps a lot for me). 3. It is normal to be hyper-vigilant at first, and it makes sense to keep a daily eye on it, but you'll learn to time more properly your visual exams. That is, you'll learn that it makes no difference if you are 24/7 looking at it, and with time you get more skilled in detecting real prodroms. I for once do a physical exam when I wake up and sometimes by night. During the night, in my case, is when the outbreaks develop more frequently, I don't know why. 4. To my knowdledge, yes, the place where the virus enters is the same place where outbreaks tend to occur *most of the time*. I have read that over the years the virus *could* move and reappear in other places. But most of the time it has a "memory" and it travels the same nerves to the same location (a kind of survival strategy for it, so it can reproduce on places it knows are "weaker", I guess). Take care, and best regards,

My site of infection is always a little bit darker than the rest, even when no outbreaks are present. It's on the base of the penis, right in the center so you can see it easily. Is this common? Could it be that I'm mistaken / paranoid and is just an unrelated skin issue?

Hi Ishmael, I do share the same concern than you. I think if you ever buy one like this, it will be already extra sure, and probably overkill! I don't think you'd need to wear boxers on top of it. The reason is because the belly area and the thighs and buttocks are safe places against asymptomatic shedding (that is, unless you had open sores on it), because the skin on those places is too thick and will contain the virus unless there's an (unlikely) outbreak on there. I also think that is very strange there isn't a common solution that covers the critical areas: the base of the penis, and maybe the balls. I have found however that the thin "ultrasensible" condoms wrap better the penis, and keep better on their place during sex, and can cover more of the penis base when they are well placed/stretched. Not completely, but if an average condom covers 75%, those would cover 85%. That is my experience. However I'd like to know if there's a middle ground between a full latex boxer like that and a typical condom, including the ultrasensible ones. Entrepreneurs are missing a huge market!!! Finally, we have to consider that many couples use average condoms and take the suppressive therapy, and avoid sex during outbreaks, and this is enough for them to never pass the virus - so there's a reasonable margin of safety if you follow those steps. Having a better "herpes condom" though, would be really good news for millions and millions of people. Could be that the industry of average condoms are slowing down any project to avoid losing market share? I don't know.

I find this perspective very interesting. Theoretically there are always virus remnants hidden on some thousands (maybe tens of thousands, I don't know) of nerve cells (neurons) specially on the sacral ganglia (at least for HSV-2). Those virus, under certain conditions, awake, reproduce, and travel to the site of infection or nearby, in a kind of "reversal trip". The fact that they hide in neurons deceive our inmune system, that thinks (correctly, in a way) that neurons are "sacred" and can't be investigated / killed. That is how the virus sneaks the inmune system's controls. When the virus is out in the wild can be killed, but not when it's hidden. This is what I understood so far, but why not? It should be a way to make the virus to quit the neurons 100% and then do an "ambush" on it and kill every instance. Our it could be a way to "inspect" every neuron and kill the infected ones. It HAS TO be a way. Cheers and let's keep writing on this thread please.

This idea may work for both infected men and infected women in discordant couples. I have tried with a random brand of the sensitive kind of condoms (the thinner ones), and have noticed they wrap much better the penis than the normal ones. They are much more fixed to the base when moving. I guess you have to find your brand. It's like they slide less, and when you put them they stretch to the end and keep there. Seems like the latex has less volume and the vagina won't drag it as much as a regular condom. Those small "drags" (sometimes not so small) can be critical. The "base" of the penis is still partially uncovered so I abstain to push fully till the end, but for me it looks much better protected than with usual cheaper condoms and this translates in better sex. Cheers,

Hi @mr_hopp, @Amando, @JulyP and everyone! I use to apply Aloe Vera every night, as it has helped me healing past outbreaks very quickly, and I just trust it to keep my skin in top condition in general, and on this area in paticular. Today morning, surprise: a micro crust on the base of my penis, just like the ones you have when you are closing an outbreak (very similar to the ones I saw when using Aloe to speed up the healing). Obviously, the night before there were no (visible) symptoms at all. I keep suspecting that there is something more to the asymptomatic shedding than meets the eye (pun intended) and than we are told by researchers and clinicians. Asymptomatic shedding, I somehow suspect, is asymptomatic for the eye and your pain nerves and your inflamation response, but not for the skin itself. I'd say, after this, that all and any shedding are symptomatic, just very discreetly symptomatic, and so is susceptible to be caught, by this primitive method or maybe better ones. It may be wishful thinking, but theoretically it makes sense, as in a microscopic level, every shedding is a break of the skin because the virus concentrates on its internal surface and bursts it. And even a micro abrasion of that kind is a gate for the virus to the outside world, and so could infect someone. Just some thoughts, but I could be misinformed / biased. Anyways I'm going to follow this "Aloe protocol" because it can, at least, give you some extra information sometimes. All the best,

@Next step, I will try to elaborate more on this on this thread in the future, because it's difficult to grasp but is something that I have learned and I have found very interesting - and it has wide implications in your life. Additionally, other conditions or circumstances in life, different than herpes, can empower you the same way. It's like when you are "cleared out", when your destiny is shaped by herpes, you are more defined than your pre-herpes self. The more defined you are (the more concrete and shaped your destiny is), the more force you concentrate on your new life so you shine more brilliantly. Something like that. Given the fact herpes is manageable in many cases, this isn't a complete disaster, but a semi-disaster that still gives you plenty of margin and potential. I guess it has to work similarly for other people that have been hit with situations many times worst. However I'll try to focus on the confidence / sexual part as it intrigues me, and will do some small writing. Best regards to you,

Hi @Whatiswrongwithme, For suppressive therapy, I read on Westoverheights.com that it kicks in after 7 days of taking it. I'd say (but please forget me and go to the original source) that if you take it daily for preventive effects (suppressive therapy) that's what it takes to start circulating on your system with the right power. For treating an outbreak, based on my own experience, it will reduce the outbreak intensity and duration since the very first day. But more opinions are welcome! Cheers,

Hi @monolaurinismyfriend, HSV-1 is indeed less contagious and less recurring than HSV-2, so this is somehow "good news", and something important you have to keep in mind to apease your worries. However, you HAVE the virus, and it's out of the question to think it will never come back. It probably will. But in that order of things, if you "tweak" your mind, and accept/adapt to the virus' reality, you'll grasp better your situation, and you'll suffer less (because your expectations won't be as optimistic as thinking "I'm clean"). That said, you'll be fine, and you'll manage to get it under control, and recover your peace of mind, and have a plentiful sex life and if you take the essential care, your partner will be safe. It is normal to freak out at first, but after some rumination, information processing, and acceptance, you'll find a place of peace of mind and control of the illness. However you have to do this small journey of acceptance, to assess the virulence/gravity (or not) of your particular case. An outbreak every 2,5 years is inside what's considered normal, and on the "good" side of the spectrum, specially if you don't take mediaction daily, that I suppose you don't as you didn't mention it. That's good, and you should be proud of your inmne system. If the anti-anxiety medication promotes the outbreaks, or is in any form related (maybe the anxiety itself is behind the outbreak and not the medication, don't forget about that possibility), you'll have to find another tool to manage your anxiety. Anxiety is known to give the virus a boost. So keeping stress levels under the line is essential (and a good thing anyways). There are countless tools to provide you with a more relaxed mind: moderate sport, yoga, meditation, nature, hot tea, walking your dog, swimming... find what brings more sense to you. Nutrition is as well important. And regarding transmission, woman to men is LESS likely to pass than the contrary. If you: avoid sex during outbreaks and during "prodrome" periods (slight itch, etc), and if you take the medication, and he uses a condom, you'll be perfectly fine with your partner and you won't pass it. More so, if you take a shower before sex, and he takes his shower after sex, you lower still more the chances of transmission. Another key deatil: both of you should avoid razor shaving. Using a clipper is fine. If you have sex with condoms AND you take mediaction daily (consistently daily), the odds of passing it are so slim that they are practically insignificant, to the point they are less likely than getting a pregnancy when using a condom. Here are the stats: https://herpeslife.com/opportunity/free-ebook-signup.html Having a softer sex helps as well. Here's a very good informative page about the two types of Herpes: http://www.healthassist.net/conditions/herpes.shtml#2 For your case, I would focus on this "good new": So it exists some risk but it's small. Please understand that you'll be fine after some work, we can have a very normal life and love life if we learn to control the illness, which requires some new routines and knowdledge. Best regards,

Thanks Amando that sounds sensible I'll be careful about it.

Hi forum, I have a doubt regarding asymptomatic shedding in men. If the infected area (where outbreaks commonly occur) is at the base of the penis, is the foreskin or the glans susceptible of having asymptomatic shedding as well? Or should I worry about the base only? Thanks,

Hi @TequilaGirl your english is great (but I'm neither an english native speaker myself, lol!) I have to research about the tests as I'm not very aware of that part but I'll try to post here later on. Cheers,

A link to a Terry Warren thread that illustrates what I was saying: https://westoverheights.com/forum/question/confused-and-lost/ Asymptomatic Herpes: https://herpeslife.com/what-is-herpes-asymptomatic-viral-shedding/ Regarding the bladder control question I don't know, but I have read that the virus can create inflammation on the nerves down there (the virus travels and habitates the nerves), and so they can get numb or have some tickling, but this can be treated with the proper medication (that will stop replication) and natural supplements that ease the inflammation, for example ginger (tea) but there are plenty of foods and supplements that can help.

Hi @TequilaGirl sure thing please ask as many questions as you need. I think the most probable is that your boyfriend didn't cheat on you, and was infected before you two were together. Once you started your relationship, you were a discordant couple, meaning he was infected and you weren't. Many people who have the virus won't show any symptoms (up to 80% of them!), or the symptoms they have are so mild that they will overlook them. They literally don't know they have it. However, they are contagious during certain periods, and they can infect you unkowningly. That means that he could have caught it with a girl on his past, and only now pass it to you. This is very usual with this virus, and there are countless stories and testimonials like that. Then, eventually, an asymptomatic carrier can have a shedding period, then a semi or full outbreak, after months or years of having no symptoms at all. Why? Because only under certain conitions the virus awakes and gives you an outbreak: like stress, low inmune system, a bad diet (or an arginine-rich diet), after periods of strong solar exposure or bad sleeping patterns... even simply after having sexual relations, or having a certain body chemistry for some time, etc. There are many factors that can awake a dormant virus. Could your boyfriend have cheated on you? I tend to think "no", given the fact that: is common for a person to carry the virus without symptoms and unkowingly, ...and there are literally countless testimonials on the internet saying they never cheated on their partners, but had sudden outbreaks (super delayed outbreaks years after the original exposure), ...and the fact he had other relationships before you, ...and the fact he says he didn't - but this is my personal tendency: believing and trusting the other person. One can't tell for sure though, but the odds are in your favor. I think there are some ways to know if the infection is recent or not on him, if you do a particular test. I read something about it on the Terry Warren website but can't find it. Terry Warren is a clinician and a great source of expert information (she has a forum). Her words on one of the threads I just found: "It would be good if you could both back away from the cheating idea and recognize that 80% of those infected with HSV 2 don’t know it and can easily pass it and that it may be no one’s fault!" I recommend you browse her forum as well as this one. Also if you Google for Asymptomatic Herpes. This will give you the much needed peace of mind. Best regards,

@alllgood yes it is very frustrating having to use a condom but I agree it's the best strategy to follow, at least during the first year (or year and a half), until our inmune system has a good grip on the virus. I have urges not to use it, but I prefer to wait until the "year and a half mark", as theoretically it sheds less and less as the time goes by, regarding both outbreaks, and asymptomatic shedding. Personally I'll use the medication like forever, 800mg daily. Other measures I have thought about avoiding sex when I'm ill (weak inmune system) and when I'm stressed out (but typical sex can be replaced by other things during those times). Also we have other tools like pre and post showers, avoiding razor shaving (using a clipper instead), using daily supplements, etc. It may seem like we have to be on the defensive all the time, but I think we can learn to be 100% relaxed, love ourselves, be on the trust zone with our partners, and take those measures as a simple routine without any further thought. I bet we can. We have a huge life of fun and joy in front of us and this "thing" won't ruin it! And please don't feel like a bacteria, I won't deny some bacteria are cool, but we are out of their league, and we are awesome and sexy beings, we have to adjust our self-image a little bit after that, but let me assure you we can shine again and be as appealing as always, specially if you have found a good guy. For girls, ironically, it's harder regarding the pain and the stigma, but it's easier when you meet a good guy that will respect you, as we don't care as much about the risks. Best regards to you,

Hi @TequilaGirl, I'm very sorry to read about all this. It is something that shakes our lives and hits us quite deeply, but after some struggle you can recover entirely and manage th situation, specially if you take care of yourself and treat the virus early with medication. I'm a male in my late 30s and was diagnosed at the beginning of the year. I'm no doctor but I'll try to give some orientation. Other people in the forum are more competent than me but I learned some things so far. It could very well be that your boyfriend was infected long time ago, and has been an asymptomatic carrier until now. In fact, it's the most probable. That means that he hasn't cheated on you, and he simply never had visible symptoms. 80% of carriers do not have symptoms (yes, that's a lot) , and if they do, they are mild ones, and they just feel them for a while and forget about them. But even then,, an asymptomatic carrier is contagious, and will periodically "shed" the virus. That is, the virus will propagate to his/her genital skin (or mouth) from time to time. The virus needs certain conditions to pass (shedding, hard rubbing, skin abrasions, low inmune system, enough viral load, etc), so it's not an "automatic" thing. More so, with time, the virus sheds less and less often, and only the first year it sheds very often. Later on, it sheds only sporadically. That means that a discordant couple can have sex time and time again, and the infected partner won't pass it...until it does. (This, precisely, makes possible that many discordant couples that know their status have sex normally, and the uninfected partner never catches the virus - provided they take care and manage several factors, like taking daily medication, using condoms, and avoiding sex during prodromes or outbreaks.) In your case, it could very well be that your boyfriend was infected but didn't know. That is how most of the transmissions happen. He received the virus in the past, and only recently he shedded the virus for some days, and you had sex by then. It could also be possible that you got the virus not now, but some time ago (months, years), and it has kept dormant just as his, and only recently something awoke the virus in both of you. I will try my best to answer any doubts you have. Here we are to helps us each other, and on this forum there are many valuable people that can help a lot. Many things happen in your mind when this virus hits you and you are diagnosed, and there's a big journey to do to accept it, but trust me when I say that there's a bright light on the other side, even a better light, and here you'll have great support to reach it. Best regards, PS: here are some very useful statistics to better understand transmission: https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf

Hi @GlitterSaur and @Pasxx. I am very sorry to hear that your body is struggling to keep the virus under control. It is frustrating to know you are doing everything right (and even going "extra" on it with high doses), and the virus doesn't seem to respond. Specially when both of you mention high doses of medication, and high doses of l-lysine as well. @GlitterSaur, you are doing everything right, and supplementing very well. Did you try to take the coconut oil as food (a tabespoon two times a day) instead of using it topically? And to both of you: do you try eating lots of garlic in your diet, onions, pure turmeric, green leafy vegetables? Did you tried zinc supplementation? A more alcaline and less acidid diet? Water with lemon works. Also green tea daily works. And then some other questions: Would you say that you are under constant stress? How are your thoughts about this issue in particular? Do you have a positive outlook?

Hi friends, Is there any trick to optimize the condom usage so it covers the entirety of the penis? For guys (both infected and uninfected), the base of the penis is usually a concern because is not fully covered. Thinking back, I know some brands and larger sizes adjust a little bit better than others (I'd need to remember which ones), so they practically cover most of the base and stick to it when you "do it", but other than that... is there some suggestion you would do to optimize condom usage to avoid transmission? Thanks,

Thanks Amando for your experience, it's encouraging!

That is excellent news. I'd gladly take four pills every day for the rest of my life if that meant that I can put an end to the transmission risks... Thank you for the news!

I recently googled and there's a thing called VivaGel Condoms made in Australia that have on them a lubricant to kill herpes virus. I guess those condoms would be good to kill virus on the female if she's infected, maybe also on the infected male I'm not sure. (Which brings me to another thing: topical gels pre-sex to make sure you kill the creature if you were shedding asymptomatically. But that's for another thread). However I'm intrigued about some condom that has a shape / overture in a way that completely covers the penile shaft, and I haven't yet found it (I only found "variants", that are more for fun than for protection, in Ali Express and Amazon).

Hi @gracie thanks! It is reassuring to know other people's experiences and positive outlook. I often think that giving away the condom is like an herpes sentence for your partner, which isn't necessary the case. As long as you monitor yourself, do it when having a strong inmune system (I recently had a flu and my herpes re-appeared slightly), take the anti-virals daily, and take a shower after/before (and avoid things like razor-shaving both for you and your partner), and maybe using some lub to avoid direct friction, then you are doing everything you can to keep the virus at bay. However I'm very risk-averse and I'm unsure about it. Thank you!

I use condoms and anti-virals to protect my partner but we'd like to stop using condoms in some point the future, maybe after the first year of infection (as it is often said that you shed less frequently by then, because your inmune system has understood how to better attack the virus). I am afraid of doing it. For those of you who took that step, how was your first time? How to prepare psychologically for that situation?