Contracted HSV1&2

[Doots1]

So I am literally freaking out and depressed. I was head over hills for a guy I thought was perfect for me. I thought he really cared about me. He stayed in a different city at the time of us talking. I felt as though he kept running in and out of my life. I wanted to be there for him so he came down to my town. I was so vulnerable because I just went through a surgery which one of my ovaries was removed . And I thought he cared about me but he didn’t. We end up having sex and immediately I started to feel weird. His energy began to change afterwards because of the way I was feeling. He started to get offended easily while I told him I wasn’t feeling well. I told him I was going to get checked and he said go ahead and he was “clean”. I got a physical again and everything came back clean but I told her to check for the H and I got my results back and I was exposed to BOTH strains. I’m so depressed and embarrassed because I heard rumors of him having this but I trusted him and I asked him this prior to us getting together and he told me that he didn’t have anything. I feel like I won’t be loved . He changed everything when I showed him the results. He even tried to blame it on me . I know I never felt this way before . I’m so confused I even thought of suicide because I just don’t want to deal with the rejection. I made a mistake to even give him any of my time. He is now trying to talk to other girls and I feel like he is just knowingly transmitting this std. I have grounds to take him to court but I really don’t know if it was him or someone from my past being that I never tested for the H test before. I thought it was apart of the physical. So now I’m here alone. I’m scared to tell my friends because they told me to leave him alone. I’m ashamed and leading to a heavy depression. Someone please talk to me . Tell me it’s going to be okay. I’m only in my early 20s and I’ve been going through a lot this year. Now I will never find love with this. I wish I could go back but I can’t . Help me please 

[Doots1]

I cry every night and act like everything is okay when it’s not. I fight suicidal thoughts everyday I need someone’s help 

[Soawful]

Oh man.  I know the feeling. It’s awful. I’ve just started trying to not give into the fear. I know itcsucjs; I’ve just been diagnosed this week—-but this fourum is really helpful. 

[feelingmyfeels]

Thats so painful to hear about how he treated you with such disrespect and my heart goes out to you. Shame can feel so isolating and if they are your true friends they will be there for you. When I start to feel the shame i notice it and try to channel my anger towards partners that weren't understanding and disrespectful. It can feel more empowering including the disappointment too. I encourage you to reach out to your support system whether that be friends, family, or a therapist. I know that All of these people and this forum have helped me cope with having herpes. Have you tried therapy before? This has helped me immensely with anxiety, depression, and ptsd. The more I am coming to terms with the diagnosis the more I am realizing that I will meet someone that won't worry so much about contracting it. I'm not ready to date yet so am really focusing on self love and acceptance which is fuckin hard! Yes, I too will probably be rejected again and for some reason it's not meant to be with that person. Someone worthy of us will come along. I just started reason this book called Warrior Goddess Training by Heatherash Amara. It's really enlightening. Reach out if you need. Take care. 

[feelingmyfeels]

1-800-273-8255  I want to pass along a suicide hotline number if you need it.