Gave SO herpes, and now we're breaking up

[SD1990]

Not sure where to put this, and I'm new to this forum. I found out that I had genital HSV1 about a year ago, after my SO had her first outbreaks, a few days after we first had sex. I have had Oral HSV1, and had STD testing prior to the beginning of our relationship, however not for HSV1 as I would have obviously been positive for it with my previous history of the oral form. I was so guilty, and felt awful. I wished that she would have been with anyone else, as there was plenty of other interest. She was incredibly gracious about the whole thing, and we dated for a little less than a year. Then, this week we decided to break up. 

Its been rough. First of all, I didn't realize the support that we provided for each other throughout our relationship with regards to our diagnosis. It feels like I've been diagnosed all over again. I'm scared to date, and i know she is too. I feel like I can never have a light hearted fun beginning to a relationship ever again. I have a friend that I feel comfortable reaching out too, but she said that she does not. Secondly, I'm plagued with guilt for having put this on her, and now to push her out the door. I can't help but imagine the impact its going to have on her romantic life, and I feel awful every time I think of her getting rejected for telling some guy that she has Herpes. Can anyone provide any thoughts or advice on the situation? Would it be wise to continue to try and support each other in this even after we broke up? How much of an effect will it likely have on her life? I'm in need of perspective perhaps. 

[Kat15]

Hi @SD1990,

I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. I’m kind of in your situation but on the opposite side. My boyfriend gave me genital HSV2, he didn’t know he had it and we are currently still together. I found out about a month ago. I’m not sure how much longer our relationship will last because it wasn’t that stable to begin with but the same thoughts are going through my mind like how many guys will reject me now, how many will be nice about it or down right rude about it. I don’t want anyone to look at me like I’m disgusting. I really commend you on being so considerate about her feelings and her future, it seems like you’re a really nice guy. What I can say is that genital HSV1 isn’t as bad as HSV2, there’s less likely to be outbreaks. Also if she takes daily antivirals as suppressive therapy and she uses condoms from what I read there’s only a 2% chance her partner could get it. Also if her future partner already has oral HSV1 (cold sores) I don’t believe he could get it genitally as well, you might wanna fact check that though. I think it would be nice if you guys could continue to support each other as long as it’s healthy and jealous feelings don’t come about if you start seeing someone new or she does. I really wish the best of luck to you!