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I NEED answers


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Posted

There's one thing that I've come to a screeching halt when it comes to and that is the fact that i will NEVER in my life tell someone that im interested in that i have herpes. NEVER NEVER NEVER. because im sorry but if the tables were turned I'd be absolutely done with the whole situation involving that person.. i know it sounds mean but im just being realistic.. there has to be some other way to live with this without having to basically tattoo it on my fucking forhead... idk i feel like if thats what has to happen and there absolutely no way around it... I will (by choice) be single for the rest of my life and that just sounds soo god damn miserable...

Posted

I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess that you were recently diagnosed, no? Listen, whatever else you do, you need to disclose to people before you have sex with them. It sounds like you're acknowledging that and saying that, since you can't bring yourself to disclose, you will simply never date again. 

If that is how you feel, there are options. For instance, try a dating website. There you can meet lots of people in your area who also have herpes and so there's no real need to be bent out of shape about the condition. 

Another thing to do is take a step back and educate yourself about herpes. Once you start to understand how common it is, and how little it's actually going to impact your life in terms of the symptoms of the disease itself, you might start to also realize that your earlier position about out of hand rejecting anyone with herpes was based on ignorance and stigma. As you grow in your understanding, you might find that you want a partner who can love you regardless of your HSV+ status. It has happened for millions of people, and it can happen for you. It sounds, however, like it might require some growth on your part and an acknowledgement that your earlier stance was, in some ways, shallow. 

For the record, your feelings right now are absolutely normal. The thought that your love life is basically over is something that, again, millions of people who get a positive diagnosis have been through. And yet here they are in the world, on this website, in every country around the globe, living happy, fulfilling lives with people that love them. There are also many people that allow themselves to be crushed by this diagnosis and wallow in despair and depression. I'm not going to lie: going down the negative route is a genuine option. So today, let yourself despair. And tomorrow, and the day after that. But sooner or later you're going to have to ask yourself what path you're going to take in the long run: that of rebuilding self-confidence and finding a truer love than you ever thought possible, or that of wallowing in self-pity and loneliness for the rest of your life. You might not feel it right now, but you are strong enough to take the path that will make you stronger, and years from now, looking back on how you felt then, you'll see how naive you were to think that you couldn't find love. 

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