Stressed and pregnant

[2wheels1love]

Okay, so this is my first post here and I’m really not sure where to dig in. I guess I’ll start with the fact that I’ve had HSV2 for a little over four years now. I contracted it from my boyfriend at 19 and we just decided it would be best to get married because neither of us could stomach the thought of having to date anyone new knowing that we were both “tainted,” so to speak.

I’ve also been an avid cyclist since I was 16, and herpes throws one hell of a stick in your spokes, if you know what I mean. That’s a subject for another time though. 

On to my point here.. I just had my son last year (he’s about 14mo now) and I’m currently due to have my daughter in about a month! They’re close, I know. Definitely didn’t plan it that way, but here we are. Anywho, my husband is a boaty in the army and just left yesterday to sail to NC for a week and almost immediately upon his return will be sent back to NC for a two week SHARP class.... when I will be 37-38 weeks pregnant. I am located in VA, so at least he’ll only be so many hours away, but I’m already terrified that I will give myself another outbreak, as I just got over one about a week ago. My first couple years with the virus, I would often get back to back outbreaks. I’m taking valtrex daily, but my stress has reached a peak that scares me and it seems like a sort of vicious cycle since the amount of stress I have is adding to this fear of an outbreak and vice versa. I feel like I’m borderline abusive to my son when I’m stressed out (not physically, but I’m definitely a basket case sometimes). I feel like I can’t handle being a solo parent for a few weeks when I’m already so stressed about being pregnant in the first place. I don’t know what to do. I honestly had a legitimate mental breakdown earlier and screamed at the top of my lungs as an alternative to head butting the fuck out of a wall, which is oddly one of my preferred methods of self harm. Yet another subject for another time. 

I definitely had some expectations about the end of pregnancy and how I would manage stress, but all of that changed when I discovered that my last month will be spent almost entirely alone taking care of a one-year-old. 

I’m feeling crushed by the weight of everything and I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to have an outbreak sometime in the next month and be forced to have a c-section when the time comes. 

[mr_hopp]

Welcome @2wheels1love ... So glad you're here.

You know, our culture just doesn't give enough damn energy to the importance of supporting women in general, and specifically pregnant women and mothers. It really pisses me off. And it's so sad. Because now is the time that you deserve the *most* support. Now is the time for you to be *surrounded* by love and calm. Now is the time for people to be caring for you, not for you to be doing all of it by yourself. Now is the time you deserve to be celebrated for the magic that you are carrying inside of you. As a man, I will never know the depth of what you are experiencing right now, but I am in absolute awe of it. 

With all that being said, sometimes we have to work with what we have. I applaud you for your strength in reaching out and asking for help. Thank you for that. A big, big hug to you and your growing family.

A few questions for you:

• Are you taking suppressive medication like acyclovir or valacyclovir (avoid famcyclovir since it hasn't been proven safe for pregnancy)? You can start taking it now to help diminish the viral shedding and thus diminish the possibility of an outbreak by roughly half. Talk to your doc for more specifics. Here's an article to read to help arm you with the facts: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3076471/
• What is your support system like where you live? Do you have family and/or friends who you could ask for help? If not, then check out La Leche League. They have been an absolute god-send for my wife when she was going through a lot of nursing pain. Local, in-person support groups, by women for women. 

[2wheels1love]

Thank you very much for your response @mr_hopp. I am very fortunate to have my father and brothers living nearby in case of any emergencies. My husband actually just left for two weeks at the beginning of August and they were very helpful. This week seems to be a busy one for everyone, unfortunately. I’m really hopeful that some schedules will clear up a little for that last two week trip, but I would certainly hate to fool myself into thinking I’ll be getting some relief if I’m not sure I will. 

I think another slight issue is the fact that I’ve been feeling like I could go into labor sooner than I did with my first. 

To answer your other question, yes, I am taking acyclovir daily and sometimes an extra one at night or in the evening if I think I may have irritated things down there for any reason. It’s scary though, on one hand I desperately needed to shave the other day because I was afraid all the little hairs would irritate where I get my outbreaks, but then after just using an electric razor I was scared shitless that I may have fucked up and irritated things on my own. Especially because I can’t freaking see what I’m doing! Lmao 

I’ll tell you this much, my husband is definitely shaving my legs for me whenever he is home [: