Do I Disclose?

[Catlady12]

So about a month ago I was diagnosed with ghsv1. Ive been with the same guy for about 5 months now and the past couple weeks we’ve been separated due to work. He comes back this weekend and I know I should disclose but since he’s been gone and everything I can’t help but think he will automatically assume that I’ve been unfaithful. I still have no idea how/when/from who I caught the virus from. There’s a chance I had it laying dormant for years before him, there is also a chance he may carry it. I keep thinking that he may have had cold sores or something when he was younger and passed it to me through oral but I’m unsure since i have never seen him have a cold sore (we’ve been really good friends For about a year). We did have unprotected sex during my initial outbreak (before I even knew that it was an outbreak/ghsv and just thought it was a little tear) and nothing happened to him. I know that most likely means nothing but I just have so many questions still. If anyone has any advice on what I should do, please I’d love to hear it!  

[Amando]

Hi Catlady12

Sounds to me like there is a good possibility it may of been him that you contracted it from, if you never had problems before.
You could start by asking him if he's ever had a cold sore before in his life, because of course it only ever needs to be once.
If he has, then explain to him that you have got GHSV1 which you believe you have contacted from him as you have always been faithful. If he says he hasn't, I would ask him to have a test as so many people don't even know they have it. 
You haven't mentioned your age or his but as you probably know a very high percentage of people carry the HSV1 virus
& the older you are the more odds of you/them having it are higher.
Its always hard, hopefully you have more luck than my last disclosure because I wont lie, you never know how anyone will react!

 

 

[Catlady12]

@Amando thanks for responding! I’m 21 and he’s 30 so there’s a bit of an age difference there. I’ve never had a problem before him, and I’ve (stupidly) had unprotected sex with my 3 partners before him (was with each guy for about a year each). I also get routine blood checkups and STD checks that were all clean but I’ve read that often blood tests for herpes are unreliable, especially in my case since I’ve had both mono AND chicken pox as a kid. I’m just so scared to tell him because i know the majority of his past partners and there were never any issues there. we all work in the nightlife industry and information spreads so fast in our line of work as everyone knows each other so if something has happened in the past I would’ve heard from one party or another. Anyways I plan on asking about cold sores and proceeding from there. Ahhh I’m just so nervous and this is just so new to me it’s killing me. 

[Question Sleep]

Hi! I am sorry about your newfound discovery of having herpes. It sucks for sure. It's true that some people don't react well but you said you've been talking with him/getting close to him for about 5 months. If he is a good guy, he will hear you out. As you stated, herpes doesn't need to come from cheating but can come from past encounters or as you said, maybe he has the virus and doesn't know it. I would hope that a person who cares about you would listen to you and let you inform him about how the virus can lay undetected for years. Take a deep breath. Even though it isn't fun to tell people, I've actually gotten some positive reactions and people generally seem to be open to learning more about it. 

I wish you luck! 🙂 

[Amando]

Yeh I know exactly how you feel, it is so hard, I felt exactly the same about telling someone I cared about.
The worse thing is they can seem to accept it, but then it can all change after a couple of weeks as there mind mulls it over,
that's what happened to me.

Be strong, open & honest when you talk to him & hopefully it will all go well - Good luck