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Not Sure If I Should’ve Disclosed So Soon

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Hi guys! Lemme start off by saying I’m thankful for this site, I didn’t believe there were as many people that had this in common with me, and I admire each and every persons story that has to deal with this. Anyways, I’ve had H since 2016. I was diagnosed on my 19th Birthday (Happy Birthday to me right?). When I found out I felt like my life was over, right when I was actually starting to live it. I was gifted by a partner I had been back and forth with for over a year, and when I moved to his city, one night something seemed off when we had sex, I had a gut feeling, I looked at the dresser and thought “use it” but I didn’t, and now I’m here. Long story short, it’s taken me a while to come to terms with this. I was in denial for a long time, thinking maybe it would just go away, then I’d have an OB and sink into a dark pit of depression again. I’m 21 now, and I’m just now starting to feel like myself again, especially since I’m having less OB. Well, I recently met this new guy, he’s 13 years my senior though. (34). We hit it off great, hung out a few times at his place, and he doesn’t make me feel like there’s a big age difference.. I haven’t felt like this about someone in a while.. especially with my condition affecting the way I viewed relationships with people for a LONG time. But there’s something that’s so genuine about him to me. Anyway, I let him know off rip that this wasn’t about just sex for me, I want to build slow and see where it goes. So the first couple nights things went smooth. He was respectful and we just talked mostly. Watched movies. Fooled around a little. Well last night, things got heated, and we had sex, protected, it didn’t last more than a minute. But I didn’t get a chance to disclose yet and I was in the moment. Well when I left, I was so weighed down by guilt, I had to say soemerhing. I haven’t disclosed to everyone I’ve been intimate with. Something I’ll always regret. But I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I just want to live in my truth. So I broke down and told him when I got home. I sent a long text message letting him know I was sorry for taking away the choice from him like what was done to me, and he wasn’t mad at all. He called me the next morning even and talked to me about it. He seemed very accepting of me, told me that he appreciates the honesty, and basically told me that the ball was in my court for how I wanted to pursue this relationship, and he promised he wouldn’t ever tell anybody. (My town is small) So I hang up, cry tears of joy because I’m relieved.. and go about my day.Well usually he texts me all throughout the day, I didn’t receive not one text. And he seemed short of words when I texted him first. He even said he was going to bed at 9.. which is the earliest I’ve ever heard of him going to bed. Usually he carries good conversation so I guess my question is, how do you deal with rejection? Because I feel like that’s what it may come to, and I don’t know how I’ll take it if he changes his mind and decides not to pursue a relationship  with me anymore. Am I overthinking it for it only being one day? This is why I don’t date out of my range because I have no clue how to analyze how an older man may feel about this situation. He seemed very knowledgeable of the situation when I told him, and now I’m completely confused. What do I do? 

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Hi Sunshine,

I'm really sorry to hear your story, it has some similarities to what happened to me.

I found after I had disclosed, that the lady I was seeing became very hot & cold towards me,
until it just got became cold & she never wanted to meet up with me anymore.

That doesn't of course mean it will be the same in your case & really I hope not,
but the best advice I can give is to give it time, as different people react in different ways.
Sit back don't hassle him & let him contact you when he is ready & if he doesn't,
he wasn't the person you thought him to be.

Wish you luck

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Maybe my case is little lighter but I want to share it. I had never disclosed before, and recently a man rejected me only because I git an outbreak on my lips. Same as you, everything between this guy and me was perfect! I never felt so connected to a person and I am sure that to him a was the same. But whe he saw me with an aoutbreak on my lips, he react avoiding me and changing his behavior. Two night a go, he told me he was not prepared for this. It does not care to him how cool this relationship was and  I am not blaming him, his fear and ignorance about this was bigger than us, just that. As far as I know, is not genital my case. To be honest, I was so used to the virus and never gave it no anybody, that never though it was necessary to say it. Of course the risk was always there but m8 ex boyfriends (all of them!) they eventually knew it and accepted me very well. But not this time. What I am trying to say is thatthis is not as bad as people think and there is a lot of stigma out there! Prople are soooo ignorant about this. They prefer to kiss a person with mucus in the mount because a flu but they do not want to kiss you even when you do not have an an outbreak? What is wrong with them? (Notice that both virus are contagious and have no cure) If I have herpes type 1 and is less contagious than a flu and everybody are used to it, why should I tell everybody that I have it if I do not have symptoms? Does anybody out there says: "hey I need to tell you that I have the virus of the flu" Before be in a relationship with someone? No! And is because people are used to it! Herpes is so common! People need to get over it and move on from the ignorance, is their problem, not ours. Honestly, I never expected that discrimination was going to happen to me. And you know what? They can go to hell. I considered myself pretty, successful, with good feelings, never irresponsible about my health and I can make a man very happy if they let me. You do not need to tell anybody you have it, as long you are responsible about it, I do not know what type of herpes do you have (I am assuming that type 2 maybe). On the other hand, if you decided to tell someone, tell it since the day one and not waste your time, believe me if they are interested in you, are going to accept you in any way. I would accept this guy who reject me even if he would told me he had HIV. No problem, I though it was worthy. See? If someone is really interested in you, it will help you and never make you feel bad about it, if is not the case, is one less on your check list and move one as soon as you can. In my experience, I am looking that he is going in that direction. If you want to stay a little bit, do not chase him or even try to talk to him to see what is happening, I think you already know that this is not a good sign. Give time, be brave and believe me that there are people out there that will love you no matter what, good luck. 

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