8 Years of H but Its Like I've just found Out

[Amando]

Ok well here's my story!

I've had H for 8 years now, I think its HSV2, it is genital H but of course its possible its HSV1

Strangely when I found out I had H, I didn't think it was that bigger issue, thought it was an overrated skin condition.
my OBs weren't that severe & would go in a week or two at worse.
I was given it from a previous girlfriend, who did not say anything about it & strangely it was right at the end of the relationship, hmmmm

The next girlfriend I dated after, I disclosed & she accepted it very easily, so again I did not think it was that bigger issue.
We broke up after 6 good years (she never contracted it) & after time of being on my own, I decided to date again.

Then I met a fantastic women, that I thought was my soul mate, she was beautiful to the core.
I really thought this was the real thing, it had taken me so long to find someone like this.
As we got closer & the time came that I knew we would get intimate, I disclosed to her.
She asked questions but seemed to accept it, less than an hour after telling her, we had sex,
The week after she came round & we had sex again, it was fantastic & I felt so happy.

But then it all started to change, she became colder & colder towards me & when I asked to see her, she made excuses.
We still text each other for months but she would no longer see me, she agreed to meet me on numerous occasions but it never happened.
It was starting to make me feel really down & depressed, totally different from walking on air like at the start.

Finally I told her this was hurting me to much & as she couldn't accept it, It would be best she didn't text me & let me move on.
She agreed to leave me alone.

3 weeks later she started texting me again, which I ignored, until I text her the next day to say, I really care for you but we have to move on!
A week after that she text me again saying how much she missed me etc
I responded & we had a massive text off, when she told me she wanted to see me & which got very sexual between us.
all of a sudden my hopes were raised, I believed because she mentioned stuff about "H" that she was willing to accept me for what I am.

But after that night, the texts went cold again, until finally I was angry that she had built my hopes up for nothing
& all the stuff she had said that night was just total bullshit.

So I had it out with her & that was it, haven't spoke or text since.

Now for me this is the thing!

Its as if I've only just found out, as the massive hurt from this rejection has destroyed me & made me realise that most women are unlikely to accept me
for having this infection!

I have had a few sexual encounters since & not disclosed (sorry don't judge me) but I hurt so much & can not be destroyed anymore

So it seems I am only going through the feelings of being infected by H now than I was 8 years ago

 

[alllgood]

I'm going through my first disclosure situation and can't bring myself to do it bc of fear of this hurt and rejection. I haven't been sexual yet, but it is with my ex so we already have feelings and I'm scared its going to hurt much worse since I still love him. Why is this so hard. 

[Amando]

Hi alllgood, Thanks for responding 🙂

Its so hard because as you said, you love him, so makes it that much harder!

You know deep down that the right thing to do is disclose.

If he's fine with it you will feel so relieved but as in my case, she seemed to accept it & then it sunk in & she could not deal with it.
So I think you need to take in to account that it can take time for the person to process.

I have to say you should disclose but here's the other thing I will say
If I could go back in time, part of me wishes I hadn't as I would be so happy right now with the special girl I had waited so long to find.
But of course I know I did the right thing.
Many people say if they don't accept you, there not the one for you (hard for me to believe that myself at moment)

I know I have not acted rightly by not disclosing with a couple of recent encounters because of my hurt
but really there should be no excuse & I will try hard to not to let it happen again.

If you chose to disclose let me know how it goes, I so wish you the best of luck 🙂

[Strength123]

@Amando For me, the hardest part about a positive H 2 result is thinking about how it will affect my relationship with future partners. I was recently diagnosed with HSV 2 through a blood test during a routine std screening. I have not had any physical symptoms but have been on an emotional rollercoaster ever since. Immediately after receiving my test results I contacted my current partner of a month and we talked about the symptoms and how our relationship would proceed. He took some time to think, said the right things such as "we will figure this out together" but over the course of two weeks he became distant and eventually stopped talking to me. I have officially had my first rejection and it was from someone who possibly have it to me. The idea of someone accepting my H 2 result in the future seems so unlikely. I re-read that last sentence and know I'm not cheering anyone up, I just want to say that I share your feelings. 

Something that helps me is to read other people's success stories. While being accepted with H may feel unlikely, stories here prove it can happen. I'm going to think of it as a numbers game, the more I put myself out there and disclose, the higher chance I will have at being accepted. We can't let our fear of rejection hold back our potential for finding someone who will accept us. Wishing you all the best.

[Amando]

@strengthThanks for your insight 🙂

Reading other peoples success stories has not helped me at this time because it makes me feel
why didn't she except me. I just need more time I guess.

I think believing is key!

but at the moment I'm not in the right place to believe, I will get there eventually I know that!

Good luck on your journey

[Amando]

Update:

I have recently got back together with my ex girl friend of 6 years (it was me that originally broke it off with her)
but some of the dynamics have now changed for the better, so I believe it is worth the effort.
I always considered her my best friend as we get on so well & I do love her.

I do believe you can have different degrees of love & I have never felt how I did about the women that rejected me,
but there's nothing I can do that will change that.

Someone you meet in life may be who you consider your soul mate but that doesn't mean you can be with them,
that is life! but as long as you can love & be loved back you are more than half way there!

good luck peeps!