Feeling a bit down again

[Sunflowergirl]

Normally I am a very high spirited and happy person I am usually always sure to be the person telling everyone its okay just be positive. But a month ago I was diagnosed with herpes, it was a horrible outbreak I just wanted to sleep and cry and that was before my doctor had the test results and when my results came back positive I lost myself for 2 days and I lost my job. After those 2 days and up until now I decided to live with it and be positive with my thoughts. But now I'm feeling down again I normally can talk to my boyfriend about it but now I dont feel like I can because he asked his ex wife if she had it and she said no it mustve been me( she has never been tested) she also has lots of cold sores and she sat and blamed it on me! I just started having sex with my boyfriend 4 months and just started having symptoms a month ago I know I didnt have it before him. But I feel like in the back of his mind he wonders what if it was me and she doesnt have it which we will never know unless she was to give us results of her not having it and I know she would never do that...idk I dont know what to do or think anymore its all stressing me out because every bump paranoids me

[Elle27]

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so down and that you lost your job. Has your boyfriend offered to get tested himself? 

[Sunflowergirl]

Yes he gets tested tomorrow. I realize how my post made him seem a bit mean but either way if I had it or his ex wife gave it to me be supports me I just feel weird talking about it after she denied it. 

[Elle27]

Didn’t think that at all. Definitely hard to discuss, you may never get the answer that you are looking for in regards to who gave it to who, especially if it’s his ex wife. I think that’s the hard part of accepting all of this. Fairly certain my boyfriend of four months gave it to me, he’s also supposed to be getting tested tomorrow. I think the conclusion that we’ve come to is that either one of us could have given it to each other and we are invested in each other enough to work through whatever that looks and feels like. For my own piece of mind it makes me feel better hoping that he gave it to me and that he is in agreement that if he tests positive it was most likely him. In the end it doesn’t really matter because of how common it is, and if it wasn’t him it could have been the next person. Wishing you the best and hoping you find peace. 

[Amando]

Hi Sunflowergirl

Sorry you are feeling down & sorry you lost your job too,
we all get these ups n downs!

I know its hard but sit him down & talk to him, communication is the best way, it really is.
You say his ex wife gets lots of cold sores, so then she has it orally.
Have you mentioned that to your BF?
Mention that its the first time you have had an outbreak, if you haven't.
Did he accuse you of cheating when you had this first outbreak because its a fairly normal
response & if not, makes me question maybe he knows he has it.

As human beings we all want answers & I'm one of the worse for that!
but in theory it doesn't change anything, you still have H, whoever gave it to you
& as more people pass it without knowing they have it, the blame game is less.

Good luck in your relationship, best wishes to you

[Sunflowergirl]

Hey he thinks he gave it to me because of her but of course she denied it and said she was tested but she probably thinks it shows up in any std test I dont know but she denied it I think she have it to him through oral. He got tested today...it took his dr a while to have a opening but he said it may come back negative sonce be isnt having a out break and suggests he makes an emergency apointment when he has an out break so he can test it my boyfriend gets an outbreak usually every month