How do I explain having hsv2

[angel94]

So I’ve not long been diagnosed with hsv2 and I’ve been dating this guy now for around 3 months. We’ve met up a lots of times and he lives 30 miles away and talk on FaceTime and on the phone everyday more than once! I really really like him and we’ve always said to take things slowly, so nothing sexual has happened at all yet. 

Today we had a lovely conversation over the phone and planned our next date night. Like I said were in no rush to sleep together. Tonight he’s told me that his feelings are growing stronger and stronger, and so are mine. However as I’ve only found out about having hsv2 roughly a month ago I’ve been trying to figure a way of telling him. I’m so upset and ashamed as it’s something you’d never think you’d have to explain to someone. I mean why me?

hes 30 but he has his childish moments and sometimes comes across a bit of a lad towards past girls but how can I explain to him I have this, I don’t want him to just up and jet. However I can’t and won’t sleep with him unless he knows. 

I’m so embarrassed and so ashamed. Would life be easier to just think end it here with him and stay single... will men ever understand? Why do I feel I’m the only one with this in the uk😞...

emotions are all over the place but my main issue is I’ve been on my own over 1 and a half years and this guy really means something to me... 

what do I do 🤷🏻‍♀️?  

Sometimes wonder if dating someone else with this may be an easier option but you can’t choose who you like or want to be with!

 

[AsianBarbie]

I would tell him that we need to sit down and have a talk about something important that needs to be discussed. Be straight and honest and tell him your diagnosis. Print out the handout on here about Herpes and either let him read it or you read it to him. If he’s a real man, he will understand and will be with you regardless of it. I hope this helps dear! 

[OnlyGoodThoughts]

Angel,

As I see it, you have 2 choices:

1. Tell him face to face and either accept his rejection or his acceptance.

2. Write him a letter, explain what you have and wait. He will either call you...... or he won't. But, you will be able to privately deal with your pain, in knowing he was not "The One".

I told my husband, then friend, the first night we met. I got tired of investing time in men, waiting for the right moment, only to be dumped. One guy had the nerve to make a date with me (after we had dated for months, with no sex, but he knew before we met. He stood me up. He didn't even return my phone calls, when I tried to reach out to him. About a week after that, he sent me an email, explaining that he was falling in love with me, but that he would never be able to resolve the fact that I had Herpes. I spiraled into a DEEP SEA of depression. I mean, I told him BEFORE we met. I didn't need his brand of "love" any way.

Now, I have a man who would walk through shark-infested waters to bring me a lemonade. He didn't have Herpes then, and I have not passed it on to him. But, he told me I was worth it. Now, that's REAL, UNCONDITIONAL love. 

Trust me. You are postponing the inevitable. And, honestly, after 3 months, regardless of not having sex, you and he had the same intentions - to get to deeply know each other - with the possibility of a solid relationship down the line. This is going to come as big surprise to him. So, please understand if he feels a bit deceived and hurt by your delayed notification.

Now, there is good news!  Because you didn't sleep with him, you have absolutely NOTHING to feel ashamed of. You were considerate enough to not but him in a compromised situation, where he could have contracted the virus. So BRAVO to you!

This too will pass. I know it seems like the most painful thing in your life right now...., but, take it from a 54-year old lady, who waited 45 years to find the man of her dreams. I would NOT do anything different in my life, because I can close my eyes now, knowing, my husband loves me deeply. And, whether we live 10 more years or 10 more minutes. He is my one-of-a-kind, custom made Prince Charming. So, don't try to make something work that is not suppose to - IF this man rejects you.

I am sending you the biggest hug possible.

Nancy

[angel94]

Thank you for you responses. We are seeing eachother in the week and I will tell him. I mean I couldn’t imagine not telling him and like I said I wouldn’t sleep with him unless he knew and 100% was okay with it. It’s just hard to come to terms with how to break it into a conversation. I’ve never had to break anything to anyone... I’m only 24 this isn’t what I expected my life to turn out and it’s just having the courage to be rejected.. we will see what happens when we have the chat within the week x

[OnlyGoodThoughts]

I completely understand. Regardless of the outcome, please know that you are a pet of a large club. About 1 in 6 people have it. So, I promise you, The One does exist and he will love you no matter what.

[Cia6666]

I understand how you feel but.... You're definitely not alone! Here we all are on this forum. 

I would say write a letter or an email or text if you don't want to do it in person. I would prefer that personally but everyone is different. If you can get the courage it's probably better to say something than to never know.