Advice on Disclosing

[Ensolarada22]

I was just diagnosed with HSV-2 on Monday.

I have only had one partner in the last month or so and I actually had taken a year off from sex prior to starting this relationship (due to a bad relationship). I know for sure I was negative 18 months ago, because I was tested at the end of my bad relationship cause he was a cheating loser.

I know it's impossible to know how we really got it, but given the situation, it's certainly possible that it was from my current partner.

I am looking for advice on how to break the news. I am honestly not interested in trying to accuse him, it seems a moot point now. My outbreak started about 3 days after the last time we were together and I've been putting him off since then. But I can't deal with making up lies anymore, and I just want to get it done.

Any advice on how to bring it up? At this point, I'm leaning towards, just saying it straight out and letting his response dictate the rest of the conversation. Thoughts? Suggestions?

[Amando]

Hi Ensolarado22

Sorry you have recently been diagnosed!

I have read many posts on here from people who have recently discovered they have Herpes but have to say,
from reading your post, you don't seem like your massively down in the dumps about it & that is a very positive thing,
(sorry if I'm wrong about that) I was exactly the same when I found out, pretty chilled.

I admire the fact that your not bothered about pointing the finger & you are right, it will not change a thing.

I think your own suggestion is spot on,
When your alone with each other, Just say I need to talk to you & then tell it how it is & let the conversation go where it goes.
Definitely mention that you were tested after your last relationship & that came back negative.
Blood tests are not guaranteed to be correct though, so make sure he has a test too.

Wish you good luck but I think you will be fine, stay strong 🙂

 

[Ensolarada22]

Hi Amando,

Thank you! Well, I'm glad I sound reasonable, I might classify it more as...mercurial...one minute I'm sobbing, the next minute I know it's going to be fine, and the next I'm calling myself a sexual leper, etc... but at the end of the day, there's nothing I can do at this point but accept it and let it go. Based on what I've read so far on this forum it seems like everyone's experience is very unique so I have to just wait and see how it will play out for me (how many/how severe/how often will my outbreaks be), which is what feels the scariest to me right now. It would be easier if someone could just tell me how it's going to be (I've always struggled in situations that I can't control).

Thank you so much for your advice. That's exactly what I did last night. I actually told him to come over and we'd order dinner and watch a game. I'm not sure I could have asked for a better experience honestly. I just said I have to tell you something and he said 'are you pregnant?' and I said 'oh god no'. Then I just said it straight out, and yes his eyes got really wide and I thought he was going to have a heart attack for about a couple minutes. I said, do you want to ask me questions? Do you want me to explain more? He said, give me just a second to process, then he looked over at me and said, ok, now let's talk this through cause I admit I'm not really knowledgeable about it. We sat and talked and read stuff and he even said...so...I could have given it to you. I said sure, that's a possibility. At the end he said, "so, it's kinda like sexual chicken pox that can just come back and people must just freak out about it because it's transferred through sexual contact I guess." 

I actually feel so much better about everything today. I am not good at lying so it was stressing me out to keep acting like everything was fine knowing I needed to tell him. And his reaction was kind of reassuring that not everyone will run away from me.

Thank you so much for your response.

 

[Ishmael]

22 hours ago, Ensolarada22 said:

 

I have only had one partner in the last month or so and I actually had taken a year off from sex prior to starting this relationship (due to a bad relationship). I know for sure I was negative 18 months ago, because I was tested at the end of my bad relationship cause he was a cheating loser.

Are you sure you were tested? A lot of people think they are tested because they ask for STI tests, but it's actually not usually included. 

[Ishmael]

8 minutes ago, Ensolarada22 said:

Hi Amando,

Thank you! Well, I'm glad I sound reasonable, I might classify it more as...mercurial...one minute I'm sobbing, the next minute I know it's going to be fine, and the next I'm calling myself a sexual leper, etc... but at the end of the day, there's nothing I can do at this point but accept it and let it go. Based on what I've read so far on this forum it seems like everyone's experience is very unique so I have to just wait and see how it will play out for me (how many/how severe/how often will my outbreaks be), which is what feels the scariest to me right now. It would be easier if someone could just tell me how it's going to be (I've always struggled in situations that I can't control).

Thank you so much for your advice. That's exactly what I did last night. I actually told him to come over and we'd order dinner and watch a game. I'm not sure I could have asked for a better experience honestly. I just said I have to tell you something and he said 'are you pregnant?' and I said 'oh god no'. Then I just said it straight out, and yes his eyes got really wide and I thought he was going to have a heart attack for about a couple minutes. I said, do you want to ask me questions? Do you want me to explain more? He said, give me just a second to process, then he looked over at me and said, ok, now let's talk this through cause I admit I'm not really knowledgeable about it. We sat and talked and read stuff and he even said...so...I could have given it to you. I said sure, that's a possibility. At the end he said, "so, it's kinda like sexual chicken pox that can just come back and people must just freak out about it because it's transferred through sexual contact I guess." 

I actually feel so much better about everything today. I am not good at lying so it was stressing me out to keep acting like everything was fine knowing I needed to tell him. And his reaction was kind of reassuring that not everyone will run away from me.

Thank you so much for your response.

 

Hi fives to both you and this dude. 

[Ensolarada22]

1 minute ago, Ishmael said:

Are you sure you were tested? A lot of people think they are tested because they ask for STI tests, but it's actually not usually included. 

Yes, I am sure. I specifically asked for the herpes test before when I got the negative result. In fact, I get a lot of ingrown hairs and I've been swabbed multiple times with negative results because they basically do the herpes swab if there are ever any bumps down there.  I get the full STI screening that I know doesn't include herpes every year, in fact, I had just had my yearly exam and testing 3 weeks before this, but that one did not include herpes.

[Ishmael]

47 minutes ago, Ensolarada22 said:

Yes, I am sure. I specifically asked for the herpes test before when I got the negative result. In fact, I get a lot of ingrown hairs and I've been swabbed multiple times with negative results because they basically do the herpes swab if there are ever any bumps down there.  I get the full STI screening that I know doesn't include herpes every year, in fact, I had just had my yearly exam and testing 3 weeks before this, but that one did not include herpes.

Yeah, it sounds like you know then. It sounds like things went well either way.