My experiment disclosing on a dating app

[sweetlove884]

I previously posted this replying to a different topic, but I thought it might be seen more in a post of it's own.

I just did a little experiment with a dating app similar to Tinder. I stopped swiping with 6 matches. 

After introductions I told them I was looking for someone with herpes, because I have it. 

They all said they didn't have it. I thanked them for their time and basically said they were dismissed. 

2 very strongly want to meet me and date me anyway. 1 discussed some creative, safe things we could do and is still hanging around. The other 3 unmatched, but ALL we're super sweet and understanding.  

It was a great experience 

Hope this helps someone feel hopeful. 

[Ishmael]

Thank you for sharing. These kind of things are important to share and it's so easy to forget about those who are still suffering when you are starting to move on. So coming here and posting this is so vital and could make a huge difference in someone's life. One thing I wonder about is telling them that they're dismissed. It seems like a way of avoiding rejection, which I sympathize with for sure, but every act of disclosure can be an invitation to someone to get educated about this condition, which can help decrease stigma. Even if they are still not interested, they will likely move forward with a better comprehension of this condition than they had before. Also, as you can see from the responses, you don't actually need to limit yourself to HSV+ people. 

On the other hand, it's not on you to educate people and first and foremost you need to look out for your own mental health and have control over how you handle this. Again, thank you for sharing this; I think you've given hope to anyone who reads this. I know you have to me. 

[sweetlove884]

Hi Ishmael, 

All good points. Thank you 

At this point, I can't educate anyone. My own knowledge is very limited, since I just found out and lost my boyfriend.  

What I said as far as dismissing them was along the lines of--thank you for your time and matching with me. I wish I was clean.  You're so handsome (or hot)!

Honestly, I really would prefer to limit myself to those with herpes. I've already infected my boyfriend and I never want that to happen again. The fallout was huge and I bear a lot of guilt. 

 

[Ishmael]

14 minutes ago, sweetlove884 said:

Hi Ishmael, 

All good points. Thank you 

At this point, I can't educate anyone. My own knowledge is very limited, since I just found out and lost my boyfriend.  

What I said as far as dismissing them was along the lines of--thank you for your time and matching with me. I wish I was clean.  You're so handsome (or hot)!

Honestly, I really would prefer to limit myself to those with herpes. I've already infected my boyfriend and I never want that to happen again. The fallout was huge and I bear a lot of guilt. 

 

Totally fair. However you handle this and move forward with it is 100% valid if it's what works for you. I'm glad that you're getting out there again and finding success, and thanks again for sharing!

[dreamerb2257]

17 hours ago, sweetlove884 said:

I previously posted this replying to a different topic, but I thought it might be seen more in a post of it's own.

I just did a little experiment with a dating app similar to Tinder. I stopped swiping with 6 matches. 

After introductions I told them I was looking for someone with herpes, because I have it. 

They all said they didn't have it. I thanked them for their time and basically said they were dismissed. 

2 very strongly want to meet me and date me anyway. 1 discussed some creative, safe things we could do and is still hanging around. The other 3 unmatched, but ALL we're super sweet and understanding.  

It was a great experience 

Hope this helps someone feel hopeful. 

Thank you so much for sharing! As someone who is newly diagnosed, I truly feel like it would be easier to find someone who also has the virus. However, your post gives me hope that it won't be a "deal-breaker" and we can truly do our part to try and end the stigma.

xo