Disclosing

[Uklad]

Hi everyone, got diagnosed recently iv seen some great disclosure videos on YouTube  and  figured out my talk practised saying it and pretty comfortable with it. Anyway met a girl who pretty much ticked all my boxes. Iv built up the disclosure courage. Got all my statistics and everything ready but I’m curious as to how it’s gone for other people? Especially males disclosing to females. Thanks in advanced. 

[Sunshine75]

I’ve only disclosed to potential partners twice— I’m still new at all this. Female to male disclosure. Like you I read posts on here, looked at the stats, read other articles, etc....

Both times I ended up disclosing by text. Not my choice going in, but just the way it worked out. 

First time around I was so nervous but wasn’t yet really invested in the guy, but there was some potential and I figured, just go for it— consider it practice if nothing else. I really figured he’d drop it right there and I’d never hear from him again. But I was surprised to find him open to it. Said it really didn’t matter, he had a friend who had it and had been there for him so understood. Relationship never fully manifested into anything physical, but that ended up being more about distance than about HSV. In fact, that never was an issue at all.

second time was just last week with the first guy I’ve met in a LONG time that I just immediately clicked with and have high hopes for something longer term. 2nd date in, I knew i needed to disclose. We were both on the same page wanting more from this. He was getting ready to travel for work the next day, so I figured it was better to disclose and give him time to think on it before he came back. So I used a similar script to one shared on here in another post— just opening with how much I was enjoying getting to know him and that it seemed clear we both had interest in exploring where this might go. That I felt it important to be open about something that was somewhat hard to share. Said I had been diagnosed earlier in the year with HSV2, the virus that causes herpes. That there is a lot of misinformation out there but the reality is, it’s a skin condition that many people have— just not so many know they have it. Gave a couple stats, shared the disclosure pdf from this site and said I’d be happy to answer any questions or concerns he might have. 

We had a nice back and forth on text from this. At one point I apologized for dampening our otherwise wonderful evening by sharing (after all, we’d ended our date with a pretty great kiss and then he has me texting about HSV). His response spoke volumes— he said I hadn’t dampened the evening at all, if anything “made it better”! He said that it was so refreshing to know someone would be so open and honest. He suggested he go get tested since that would only be fair to me— he’d had two partners since he’d last been screened for everything anyway and felt that was only right for both of us to have a full picture of what were dealing with. And said he’d also talk to his doctor about it. 😊 but also said he felt like we had a great start to something here and we’d figure it out!

That was last week and I am hopeful for where things might go with us. I am also trying to keep my heart in check to a certain extent until he’s been to the doctor and he has the information he needs to determine his options, risks, etc... but, no matter what, I have given him the choice that I never had on deciding to take the risk or not.

i truly hope you have an equally receptive partner on the other end of your disclosure! There is something empowering about sharing this and opening up a level of honesty and openness with a potential partner early on! Doesn’t make it easy and I’d certainly never wish HSV on anyone, but you’ll know in their reaction if they are there for the right reasons!

good luck to you! I look forward to hearing how it goes!

[Michgirl73]

1 hour ago, Sunshine75 said:

I’ve only disclosed to potential partners twice— I’m still new at all this. Female to male disclosure. Like you I read posts on here, looked at the stats, read other articles, etc....

Both times I ended up disclosing by text. Not my choice going in, but just the way it worked out. 

First time around I was so nervous but wasn’t yet really invested in the guy, but there was some potential and I figured, just go for it— consider it practice if nothing else. I really figured he’d drop it right there and I’d never hear from him again. But I was surprised to find him open to it. Said it really didn’t matter, he had a friend who had it and had been there for him so understood. Relationship never fully manifested into anything physical, but that ended up being more about distance than about HSV. In fact, that never was an issue at all.

second time was just last week with the first guy I’ve met in a LONG time that I just immediately clicked with and have high hopes for something longer term. 2nd date in, I knew i needed to disclose. We were both on the same page wanting more from this. He was getting ready to travel for work the next day, so I figured it was better to disclose and give him time to think on it before he came back. So I used a similar script to one shared on here in another post— just opening with how much I was enjoying getting to know him and that it seemed clear we both had interest in exploring where this might go. That I felt it important to be open about something that was somewhat hard to share. Said I had been diagnosed earlier in the year with HSV2, the virus that causes herpes. That there is a lot of misinformation out there but the reality is, it’s a skin condition that many people have— just not so many know they have it. Gave a couple stats, shared the disclosure pdf from this site and said I’d be happy to answer any questions or concerns he might have. 

We had a nice back and forth on text from this. At one point I apologized for dampening our otherwise wonderful evening by sharing (after all, we’d ended our date with a pretty great kiss and then he has me texting about HSV). His response spoke volumes— he said I hadn’t dampened the evening at all, if anything “made it better”! He said that it was so refreshing to know someone would be so open and honest. He suggested he go get tested since that would only be fair to me— he’d had two partners since he’d last been screened for everything anyway and felt that was only right for both of us to have a full picture of what were dealing with. And said he’d also talk to his doctor about it. 😊 but also said he felt like we had a great start to something here and we’d figure it out!

That was last week and I am hopeful for where things might go with us. I am also trying to keep my heart in check to a certain extent until he’s been to the doctor and he has the information he needs to determine his options, risks, etc... but, no matter what, I have given him the choice that I never had on deciding to take the risk or not.

i truly hope you have an equally receptive partner on the other end of your disclosure! There is something empowering about sharing this and opening up a level of honesty and openness with a potential partner early on! Doesn’t make it easy and I’d certainly never wish HSV on anyone, but you’ll know in their reaction if they are there for the right reasons!

good luck to you! I look forward to hearing how it goes!

Awesome !! Gives me inspiration on when I need to disclose, love the way u handled this and you are absolutely right u gave him the choice to move things forward and how nice it is that he was willing to get tested and not give up on something that could be wonderful. I understand u have to kept your heart in check but what positive feedback. Good luck to you!! 

[Uklad]

20 hours ago, Sunshine75 said:

I’ve only disclosed to potential partners twice— I’m still new at all this. Female to male disclosure. Like you I read posts on here, looked at the stats, read other articles, etc....

Both times I ended up disclosing by text. Not my choice going in, but just the way it worked out. 

First time around I was so nervous but wasn’t yet really invested in the guy, but there was some potential and I figured, just go for it— consider it practice if nothing else. I really figured he’d drop it right there and I’d never hear from him again. But I was surprised to find him open to it. Said it really didn’t matter, he had a friend who had it and had been there for him so understood. Relationship never fully manifested into anything physical, but that ended up being more about distance than about HSV. In fact, that never was an issue at all.

second time was just last week with the first guy I’ve met in a LONG time that I just immediately clicked with and have high hopes for something longer term. 2nd date in, I knew i needed to disclose. We were both on the same page wanting more from this. He was getting ready to travel for work the next day, so I figured it was better to disclose and give him time to think on it before he came back. So I used a similar script to one shared on here in another post— just opening with how much I was enjoying getting to know him and that it seemed clear we both had interest in exploring where this might go. That I felt it important to be open about something that was somewhat hard to share. Said I had been diagnosed earlier in the year with HSV2, the virus that causes herpes. That there is a lot of misinformation out there but the reality is, it’s a skin condition that many people have— just not so many know they have it. Gave a couple stats, shared the disclosure pdf from this site and said I’d be happy to answer any questions or concerns he might have. 

We had a nice back and forth on text from this. At one point I apologized for dampening our otherwise wonderful evening by sharing (after all, we’d ended our date with a pretty great kiss and then he has me texting about HSV). His response spoke volumes— he said I hadn’t dampened the evening at all, if anything “made it better”! He said that it was so refreshing to know someone would be so open and honest. He suggested he go get tested since that would only be fair to me— he’d had two partners since he’d last been screened for everything anyway and felt that was only right for both of us to have a full picture of what were dealing with. And said he’d also talk to his doctor about it. 😊 but also said he felt like we had a great start to something here and we’d figure it out!

That was last week and I am hopeful for where things might go with us. I am also trying to keep my heart in check to a certain extent until he’s been to the doctor and he has the information he needs to determine his options, risks, etc... but, no matter what, I have given him the choice that I never had on deciding to take the risk or not.

i truly hope you have an equally receptive partner on the other end of your disclosure! There is something empowering about sharing this and opening up a level of honesty and openness with a potential partner early on! Doesn’t make it easy and I’d certainly never wish HSV on anyone, but you’ll know in their reaction if they are there for the right reasons!

good luck to you! I look forward to hearing how it goes!

Wow fantastic I’m so pleased for you my gut feeling is she will take it well I mean it wouldn’t bother me if I was into her but we will see

[Sunshine75]

@Uklad that you are being open and honest and sharing this with her (especially if you werare not in a situation of choice when you contracted) is really great! 

Really wish you all best!

[Uklad]

19 hours ago, Sunshine75 said:

@Uklad that you are being open and honest and sharing this with her (especially if you werare not in a situation of choice when you contracted) is really great! 

Really wish you all best!

Yes I contracted it through my ex girlfriend who caught it off her ex, I  had known her years and trusted her went on a date too much drink was consumed. Started a relationship together then she told me two months later behind a duvet cover was embarrassed I was like god iv been lucky I’l have no issues only had unprotected sex once but she was my dream girl and I’d fell for her. Six months later she left me for ex. She married him last week ironic. Another six months after that I had minor symptoms went to my sex clinic four times told them the situation, said looks nothing like herpes. Went to three gp appointments still no diagnosis. Demanded urology appointment and was diagnosed on initial appointment. Diagnosis was bad enough but the six month of worry and shit healthcare services made me change into a different person. On the up now it’s a skin disease for me now that’s manageable I just pray that I meet someone who understood on disclosure like I did 

[Michgirl73]

6 hours ago, Uklad said:

Yes I contracted it through my ex girlfriend who caught it off her ex, I  had known her years and trusted her went on a date too much drink was consumed. Started a relationship together then she told me two months later behind a duvet cover was embarrassed I was like god iv been lucky I’l have no issues only had unprotected sex once but she was my dream girl and I’d fell for her. Six months later she left me for ex. She married him last week ironic. Another six months after that I had minor symptoms went to my sex clinic four times told them the situation, said looks nothing like herpes. Went to three gp appointments still no diagnosis. Demanded urology appointment and was diagnosed on initial appointment. Diagnosis was bad enough but the six month of worry and shit healthcare services made me change into a different person. On the up now it’s a skin disease for me now that’s manageable I just pray that I meet someone who understood on disclosure like I did 

Sounds like my ex he gave it to me after getting me back from dumping me previously. I was still in love with him in hopes he really truly wanted a relationship.. never told be in contracted herpes.. we had sex I got it 6 weeks later dumps me again went back to his ex who gave him it and know they are married.. smh. On top of dealing with getting Herpes my emotional well being took a tremendous toll and wish I would of never gave him a chance to know to deal with this alone wondering if I will ever find someone now .