I was "outed"

[Newme]

So I've known about my status for a few months now. I thought I was over the hump until the one person I was dreading having to tell found out. When I was going to get tested a relative of my child's father was the front desk attendant and could view my information. I believe she told him. Now he knows and he's upset. We have yet to talk about it but his friend mentioned that we needed to talk and that he found out some information about me. Its the only thing I can think of. I feel ashamed and dirty all over again. We're not together and once I found out about my status I knew that we wouldn't be getting back together so I made it clear to him that I was moving on. I was mostly trying to avoid this conversation. Now we're here and I'm sick. Idk what to say to him. 

[gorgeoustechie]

Excuse me? Which front desk - to where? Where did this happen?  

Is this the only person that could have known? if this was at a hospital/clinic, highly doubt anyone would risk their job this way. 

Why did you think he wouldn't want you after finding out? Most people already have herpes. Having 2 isn't that big of a deal people want to make it out to be. It's more of a pain in the ass than anything else. 

Be careful not to ban yourself from having a life. 

[Newme]

His relative was the front desk administrator at my OB. I was going as a follow up. I knew he wouldn't want me because all he knows about herpes is that's its sexually transmitted. I knew he would associate me having it as me being dirty and a whore. The only other person who knows and may ha e told was the guy I was seeing at the time I found out. I disclosed to him because we had been intimate a week before I found out. 

So now he knows and having to face him is making me so sick. I'm afraid of what he now thinks of me. I just know he's going to say all of the negative things I feel about myself sometimes. This whole ordeal, diagnosis up to now has brought up some issues I didn't know I had. I struggle with feeling like I'm not enough. I also didn't know that I do want someone to love me unconditionally...these seem. To be big issues for me as of late because to some degree, I have been having trouble loving me, unconditionally. I'm tired and I feel broken. I don't know how to pick myself up. 

[gorgeoustechie]

39 minutes ago, Newme said:

I just know he's going to say all of the negative things I feel about myself sometimes.

Then you must ask yourself if he was ever worth it in the first place and stop punishing yourself. 

Sure, yes I understand you're embarrassed by it but anyone worth your time most likely wouldn't give a shit. 

Someone said this to me when i was diagnosed and I thought it was bullshit until I told my ex (not the person who gave it to me) and he was like really that's it? I thought you were going to tell me you had cancer or something. You're making this a big deal and the guy you're with sounds like a douche. Maybe use this "opportunity" to get rid of the negative / toxic influences in your life and find a new OB. 

If you ever want to talk, i'm here.

[Worrier1234]

Yes, the first person I told actually shrugged and said “ you think I’m going to break up with you over a cold sore?!?! We will just be careful!” Guys like that are out there! ps: it’s estimated in reality probably 40% of people have it, it’s common and minor. 

[Newme]

That sounds so promising but so far fetched. I know how minor of a thing it is but people make it seem like it's life and death. I spent all last night worried about what he thinks and anticipating the negative interaction we'll have when we finally talk about it. The thing is, we're not even together!! Someone who had access to my personal records told him..i.had no intention of telling him because there was no need. 

I feel a lot better now. Spoke to my therapist this morning and spent some time with my gfs. Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. 

[Concerned1977]

On 1/20/2019 at 4:29 PM, Newme said:

That sounds so promising but so far fetched. I know how minor of a thing it is but people make it seem like it's life and death. I spent all last night worried about what he thinks and anticipating the negative interaction we'll have when we finally talk about it. The thing is, we're not even together!! Someone who had access to my personal records told him..i.had no intention of telling him because there was no need. 

I feel a lot better now. Spoke to my therapist this morning and spent some time with my gfs. Hopefully I'll get some sleep tonight. 

@Newme I work in the healthcare industry and if someone disclose their personal information that's a HIPAA violation  and they can lose their job  if you can prove it .As long as you're being a good mother to his child that's the most important thing since you guys are not together he does not need to focus on what you have going on sexually.  Just remember it's not your fault and it could have happened to anyone including him so he should not judge you  you're still beautiful inside and out and when the time is right  you will find someone who will accept all of you.