Going to have the herpes talk Sunday... Yikes!

[nic4897]

OK OK OK! Trying to be ready for this... So, about two months ago when I was actually dating someone else (a fellow H), I gave my business card to someone and they have been pursuing me ever since.. pretty much keeping in touch to see when I'd be single again. When the last relationship ended and he texted again, I figured well.. what the heck.. let's date someone whom I am unsure is an H or not because it's obvious he's very interested. So a month goes by and we have 5 dates. I left for a vacation and he's on vacation now (both out of the US so texting was minimal) so the relationship has been slow to progress to my relief. I have not had sex just heavy petting but this weekend I do believe he's planning for "the night." Here is my thing that I'm wrestling with.. I'm still unsure if there is a strong enough emotional connection to tell him something so personal. I like him. I like spending time with him but I have to admit knowing I'd have to tell him someday has caused me to be slightly detached and I am unsure if I am nitpicking everything he does trying to assess if he's going to be a harsh rejector. Are the red flags that I'm thinking of really red flags or is it me trying to protect myself from a rejector? Honestly.. I'm not sure. And, also...if you want to have sex and you are unsure about the person.. is the healthy way disclosing and just having sex to figure that out? I am so confused by this...

[Northoftheborder]

I just had the herpes talk last night .... He was understanding but I'm unsure if wants to pursue.the relationship further.... But disclosing before sex is so important u will lose his trust if u have sex then disclose at a later time.... My opinion good luck :-) u deserve an awesome relationship!

[nic4897]

Absolutely, @Northoftheborder :) I would always disclose no matter what..it was never an option for me and I would NEVER take that away from someone else. In the past 6 years since my diagnosis, I have only dated people with it via dating sites. I always thought it to be easier and probably is but honestly I've suffered in another way.. limiting myself to a small group of people on dating sites and making too many compromises when it comes from compatibility. And, you know what I was getting rejected and disappointed anyhow because I compromised. This is my first purposeful dating experience where now I must disclose. I guess I am unsure (previous to any sexual encounter) does one feel they are ready to trust someone to disclose? Thank you for your good thoughts. :) So nice to have support.

[nic4897]

Oh and @Northoftheborder this guy... I know it's his personal choice and all...but it seems like he lost a really good person. Wishing you the best as well :)

[Northoftheborder]

Sorry nic I had misread ur post .... Head is alittle scattered today ... It was my first time disclosing as well....good luck stay positive strong and remember u are worth it!!!!

[nic4897]

:)

[lulu87]

Just like if you aren't ready to have sex, you don't have to until you're ready. There's no harm in telling this guy that you'd prefer to wait a little longer to have sex (and disclose, but he doesn't know that) and if he's really worth it, he'll be willing to wait it out with you :)

[nic4897]

Lol! You read my posts :) how awesome is that!!! Cool! Yeah I'm actually breaking it off Friday. I honestly don't trust him enough and I think I should by now. Here's to future dating lol cheers xx