New to the life

[Itwillbeok]

Hi everyone. first and foremost thank you for all you do here. The new diagnosis is scary and extremely depressing which is a bummer but you all help the loneliness that comes with it. I was diagnosed late jan and while at first i was pretty numb to it the depression hit fast. It goes in waves as i know deep down in the grand scheme of things it's really not a big deal but of course I've played the what if's game and blaming myself. However in reality the only thing I blame is my real lack of knowledge on the subject. I was always pretty careful and had a deep seated fear of HIV but I kind of just thought the only way you got Herpes was from sex with someone who has oozing sores everywhere which obviously is very far from the truth. I haven't been dating since, (and even before finding out) however i have relatively high hopes for my future as I live in a very populated section of Los Angeles where either people are most likely open minded about it or have it (a good friend claims she's slept with tons of men with it. Of course I'm still nervous about disclosure as I'm a fairly confident, good looking guy(at least I think) in my late 30's who somewhat has his shit together, plays in a band etc. I've gone through talking to women and feeling gross, feeling like a diseased freak, thinking I'm a walking shedding virus since finding out. However I am extremely upset about not being able to eat my favorite food Peanuts and peanut butter, as well as chocolate and coffee. My first visit with a new PC doc is in mid March and I'm going to beg for suppressive therapy if anything for a piece of mind in my first year.  I'm wondering when you go on ST pills has it made it easier to live a somewhat normal life in regards to eating, not worrying so much about OB's etc? My first outbreak was so terrible and i had no idea what it was, I was bedridden for a week, sick, night sweats couldn't go to the bathroom it was horrible.  I've heard that usually the first is the worst and it gets much easier, especially I think my immune system is solid I rarely get sick. Again thank you all for the support on here it really is something of a god send

[forgivenessandpeace]

My first outbreak was horrible as well: I went to the emergency room twice because I could NOT urinate.

I felt run down for several months after that. Plus I was furious and devastated and all that crap. I never have tried restricting my diet and acyclovir gives me headaches so I refuse to take it.

Now I'm 6+ years out and just began the best relationship I've had in my LIFE. I disclosed early and fully clothed. He bangs me like there is no tomorrow 😁😁 and I am soo soo happy

[Itwillbeok]

how have subsequent outbreaks been? Were you diagnosed w HSV 1 or 2?

[Lonelygirl88]

I'm 30 and I feel like my relationship days are over but I def. Need to work on myself now and my career. I've been with a guy for 6 years who never appreciated me or made me feel special or even really wanted.. so it really did a number on my selfesteem.. I really want to learn how to love myself and feel like me again.. having this diagnosis sucks major balls but it could be worse and I am definitely not dying... If a man wants me then great, I hope I can finally have a love I've always thought I deserved.. 

 

[Itwillbeok]

9 minutes ago, Lonelygirl88 said:

I'm 30 and I feel like my relationship days are over but I def. Need to work on myself now and my career. I've been with a guy for 6 years who never appreciated me or made me feel special or even really wanted.. so it really did a number on my self esteem.. I really want to learn how to love myself and feel like me again.. having this diagnosis sucks major balls but it could be worse and I am definitely not dying... If a man wants me then great, I hope I can finally have a love I've always thought I deserved.. 

Think about it like this, you never know if anyone is interested if you don't try, and for every person that rejects you, there is definitely one that wont. That's the approach I'm trying to take with the disclosures I'm about to face. Including a woman I've been crazy about for years. I'm so nervous because my plan this year was to finally ask her out, but now I have a bit of an albatros...... I went through a brutal divorce (she was a cheater!) and have only had 2 extremely toxic relationships since. I went on an extremely unsafe sex bender for 2 years probably sleeping with over 200 women and low and behold in the past 2 years I've had a pretty dry and mundane sex life and a herpes diagnosis appears! I've been pretty depressed too  so I know how you feel, but I know I can't keep being upset because like it or not I'm stuck with the H. Look up the instagram comic "My boyfriend has herpes" it really made me feel good.

[Lonelygirl88]

Well good luck with your crush.. I really hope it works out for you. She should definitely appreciate you being honest with her and actually giving her a choice. 

Hopefully one day we will see a cure.