Anyone had success with counseling?

[unbreakable]

I was in very dark times when I caught H. My mom was a single mother, after a bad divorce, and she died very young. After her death I was depressed, and later I met someone who made me believe we could be happy. However, he left me after I lost my virginity to him. So I was without parents, without love, disappointed as hell, and only 20. It was downhill from there. I let everyone close to me because it didn’t matter. I thought atleast they will have fun if I can’t... 

I had a barely consensual encounter with a terrible older dude. I didn’t wanna go on a date but did anyway. We had sex with protection. Later that night he wanted to have sex again, woke me up, and he lied about having used the last condom. I was tired and hopeless and barely conscious. We had unprotected sex and I caught H. He did know about it but never even disclosed, only accidentally, while bragging about how strong and healthy he was... a terrible narcissistic person... 

Months later I met a nice guy. He really seemed great. I wanted to just talk and get to know him but he got a little too drunk on the first date and begged me to let him in my room until I did. I had no idea H was incurable, I didn’t believe anything can be incurable, even HIV has a cure... so I didn’t talk about it, especially because I did not even think about having sex. We ended up having sex anyway, he wanted it and I just went with it. He was pushy and I kind of froze because I had a flashback of what happened in the past. He got H from me then. 

 

So I need help with forgetting the trauma that old creep caused me by ruining my healthy young body, and I need help forgiving myself for causing harm by being too weak to face the truth and say no when needed. 

 

Any one of you had success with therapy? Could you forgive your H giver or yourself if you gave H to someone?

[Notgoingthere]

Please! please! Please go to therapy! PLEASE! 

It helps so much! My best advice is to go as often as permitted by either insurance or your bank account. 

I have forgiven the guy that gave it to me and I met a guy who didn’t care and we had unprotected sex a few times. I wasn’t on medication so chances are I gave it to him, but maybe not! He made the choice! He did the research and I was open and honest, so yea I don’t blame myself for that! 

HIV DOES NOT HAVE A CURE! 

Please please please go seek help! It’ll help you but you have to consistent! Make sure you find someone you are comfortable with! Please!

also you didn’t cause harm! You didn’t know and that isn’t your fault! That supposed nice guy wasn’t a nice guy! A nice guy on the first date never would have gotten drunk! And a nice guy never would have asked to come in your room the first date!!! You definitely need to learn to love yourself and so do I! It’s an uphill battle but definitely worth it! Please find someone to talk to! 

If your goal is to forget your trauma than therapy won’t help you. The only thing therapy will do is help you learn how to cope and move on and forgive!