New here, terrified about telling someone I have herpes for the first time.

[geegee]

Hi guys

 

Just joined this site and I'm so glad to have found it :)

 

I found out I had herpes type 1 over a year and half ago. I was nearly a year into a relationship, I've never been particularly promiscuous and had always been careful so it came as a massive shock. My ex denied any involvement or responsibility in giving it to me, which at the time I bought but since then I have been more suspicious about. He had told me at the start of the relationship that his ex had H, but had never passed it on to him. Being naive about asymptomatic shedding, transmission of oral to genital herpes etc, I didn't know he could still have it. And I didn't suspect that he might even be lying.

 

I stayed with this guy after the diagnosis because he 'accepted' it and I was frightened about having to deal with disclosing it to someone else. He was emotionally abusive and bullying for the whole time we were together but I still stayed because I felt that no one else would want me. Better that I just put up with that then faced a lifetime of rejection and being alone. It was horrible.

 

We recently broke up (yay!) and that's great because I feel like I can get my life back. Only now, it's a life with herpes and for the first time I have to face up to the fact that I have this. It feels like a double whammy of crap on top of how he treated me but there you go. I am trying really really hard not to be a victim about this and wanted to say how inspiring I found the posts I have read on here to be. Given that I have type 1 and have only had one outbreak, for a little while I had this misplaced sense of bravado about not telling, kind of 'f*ck everyone, if no one's gonna tell me they had a coldsore as a kid why should I tell them about this?!'. But deep down I know I have integrity and Do Not want a relationship where I can't be honest.

 

I have just started dating someone new. It's very early days yet but I like him a lot. I'd like to be honest with him about the herpes despited the fact that I'm TERRIFIED. I'm so so scared of being rejected but I know I would want him to tell me if the shoe was on the other foot.

 

[mr_hopp]

Hey! Don't have much time to give a full response, but check out the free e-book on disclosure here:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

[geegee]

Thanks so much. I already downloaded. Really useful, I love how upbeat you are about it - it really helps :)