Am I immoral for not disclosing herpes sooner?

[livingwithH]

Hello, I met a man 2 months ago, whom I have not had sex with; however, we have been intimate. 1 month ago he asked me point blank if I have an STD; I deflected the question out of fear, inability at the time to discuss it properly and not being secure in our status with each other. I did vow to myself that I will tell him before sex. Anyway, I finally just told him, and his reaction was livid for not telling him when he asked. So my question is, am I immoral and distrustful for not disclosing sooner? We haven't slept together, but am I still wrong, especially since we've been intimate? Trust me, I can't eat or sleep over the guilt. But is he overreacting?

[lulu87]

I think that everyone has their right to react how they will... I haven't had this experience but my roommate has herpes and says it's happened to her where people initially react negatively and are able to come back later with a clear head and discuss it. I think it's your choice when to disclose and if you weren't comfortable, then you didn't need to. It's your body and you weren't putting him at risk. If someone asked on a first date, you wouldn't be expected to tell... it's your timetable, as far as I'm concerned, as long as you aren't being deceptive. There are many personal questions people deflect at first and, although you weren't initially honest, I think you can explain why you waited and didn't answer honestly the first time if he is willing to hear you out.

[livingwithH]

Thank you for your comment - really do appreciate it. Been very depressed as I have not heard from him, and I keep vacillating between punishing myself for being dishonest and telling myself that I did disclose prior to sex and perhaps he is not as understanding as I need a man to be.

[kitcattat]

I don't think this makes you immoral or distrustful at all. The fact that you told him before even putting him at risk is AWESOME! Shows you have integrity! It's really scary to disclose ANYTHING to anyone. Like lulu said its your timetable, and you werent putting him at risk, so it was up to you when to disclose. I feel like to be perfectly honest with him from here on out is the best thing to do. If he allows. I mean if he wasn't willing to stick around and here your side of the story maybe he wasn't the man for you? Thats the way I always look at it. Good luck I hope everything turns out ok! Keep your head up!

[livingwithH]

Thank you for your comment. It makes me feel much better to know I did, in fact, do the decent thing. He is still MIA, but that has given me time to reflect on his reactions. His being livid and closed to my point of view, then disappearing says a lot about his character - or lack thereof. However, it is still very hurtful.