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Trying to cope


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Well it’s been 8 mths since I found out I have this lovely virus that has changed my life completely. I sometimes wonder why this happen, because I prayed for a long time for God to take away  the feeling of me wanting someone in my life and then shortly after that my ex entered my life and made me believe that he regreted what he did to me and actually was in love with me and said all these wonderful words to only turn around and infect me with this crap and dumped me 6 weeks later. I have struggled trying to understand how can someone be so hateful and hurtful knowing he has the virus and infecting me.. 😢  I know realize that my life is no longer gna be what I had hoped it to be. I merely just exist until it’s my time to go, this is so hard to live with this and try to get someone to except u as they are thinking how gross this nasty crap is. I would never wished this on my worse enemy.. I keep hoping one day I will feel normal and the pain will get easier. I just gotta come to terms that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life.. I’m 45 and still felt like I had a future I no longer see that and sometimes only wished that I didn’t have to wake up to this nightmare every day.. this secret that I have to keep that feels do shameful. 

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I’m 18 and I just found out I had hsv 2... I felt the same way as you until I’ve done lots of research and learned more about the virus. If you think about it... it’s just a skin condition that causes sores that just happen to be on your genitals... now you’re 45.... at least you got to live somewhat of a fulfilling sex life and got to experience a lot. I’m 18 and my life is just starting and I got hit with this shit... so consider yourself lucky .. yes it sucks but it will get better and you will find someone to love and accept you for who you are and this small virus that you have.

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I know exactly how you are feeling and so I can’t offer you any advice as I too am feeling your despair and feel that at the grand old age of 42, I now merely exist until I’ve had enough or My time is up. Neither can I offer you any words of wisdom as I suspect I was infected only 7 months ago myself.( not very inspiring I know, but this is my reality). 

What I can offer you is a listening ear and the knowledge that you are not alone by any means. There are many of us in the sane situation and I have to hope that this eventually gets better and not worse as it has been doing for the sake of my kids, although I appreciate it is early days. 

I thought I had a handle on it. Even though I can’t discuss it with anybody, not even my therapist and my doctor couldn’t care less. But it creeps up... and the anxiety is all consuming once more. 

You definitely are not alone. x

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JO150,

although I am always grateful of support and encouragement when I’m feeling low about this,  it makes no difference if you contract it at 18 or 45. I’m in my prime sexually now. I have the confidence I never had as a youngster at last! Or I did 😞The emotional impact will be the same. Devastating. And I certainly don’t consider myself lucky because I contracted it 20 years older than you.

yes we’re older and we have had 20 years more life experience without this affliction but on the flip side, your immune system is stronger than mine and stands a better chance of suppressing/ coping with the virus. It is hard as an older person, you feel as though you’re already losing the vibrancy and charm of your youth sometimes and something else has now been thrown in to make it even harder for some to find happiness later in life. 

I’m glad you’re doing research. 

That seems like the best way forward. x

 

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JO150,

although I am always grateful of support and encouragement when I’m feeling low about this,  it makes no difference if you contract it at 18 or 45. I’m in my prime sexually now. I have the confidence I never had as a youngster at last! Or I did 😞The emotional impact will be the same. Devastating. And I certainly don’t consider myself lucky because I contracted it 20 years older than you.

yes we’re older and we have had 20 years more life experience without this affliction but on the flip side, your immune system is stronger than mine and stands a better chance of suppressing/ coping with the virus. It is hard as an older person, you feel as though you’re already losing the vibrancy and charm of your youth sometimes and something else has now been thrown in to make it even harder for some to find happiness later in life. 

I’m glad you’re doing research. 

That seems like the best way forward. x

 

Thank you it’s extremely tough for me. I hate thinking this is the end.. just wake up and go to work come home and do it all over.. I feel myself pushing ppl away my depression is getting the best of me and it’s a horrible feeling. I just don’t know how to move on and not let this get to me.. someday I just wished I would go in my sleep and not have to live this anymore. 😢

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Michgirl73,

Are your ob’s bad? Or frequent? 

I ask because I’m on my fourth outbreak, I’m not taking any anti virals this time as i want to encourage my immune system to recognise and fight it on its own if it can BUT I know I feel less hopeless if I do take Acyclovir. 

The emotional turmoil, the depression and anxiety is still very  real and still there and by far the worst element, but being in pain/ discomfort reminding me that I have this shitty virus every second of the day makes it much much worse. 

I too, am pushing people away. Because I can’t bear to tell anyone what has happened and so they can’t possibly understand why I’m so desperately unhappy. I won’t tell you to talk to anybody about it because I know for certain I never will. 

Keep coming to these forums. Where you can vent and talk safely and be sad if you need to. Keep reading other peoples experiences and take some comfort that you aren’t alone. There are literally millions of people living with this. Sometimes that offers me small comfort, sometimes it doesn’t. But I hear you and I understand. 

One breath at a time. One day at a time. 

 

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