New to GHSV and dont know what to do

[annieokay]

Hey guys. I really need to get this out and I feel so lost and alone and have no one to talk to. Maybe you guys can help. My story is very complicated, but I was hoping that someone who understands could help me decipher my delimma.

So about my story: 4 months ago I was diagnosed with GHSV. I am so confused by my results and who gave it to me and letting it go & and forgiving myself as well as the person who gave it to me. At the first signs of my first outbreak, I immediately thought it was the guy I had slept with just a couple days before my first symptoms(we'll call him guy B). I told him as soon as I got my results back and he got tested. A few weeks later, he told me his results were negative. Since then my mind has been reeling with thoughts of who it could of been and how it happened, how I could have prevented it. I started debating whether it was someone I had sex with, with a condom, just a week or two before the other guy (lets call him guy A) or possibly a partner that I had had 6-7 months before.

 My results from my doctor were very unclear. I asked her which strain it was and she said that it didn't matter, that it was genital and thats the only thing that matters. She also said that I contracted it recently, that it want dormant in my body. Logically guy A was less likely to have given it to me, right? We used a condom...With my partners before and after him, we didn't use condoms as religiously as we should have... And if I contracted it around that time, and had symptoms directly after guy B, and he claims his results were negative ( I never really got written proof, not sure if anyone does these days), what are the odds that I didn't transmit it to him especially since I supposedly have just gotten it myself? Im going back and forth on if guy B is lying to me about his status or if I was just that unlucky to have contracted it from someone that I did "everything right" with or maybe it was from a past partner? I dont know....

After my first OB, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should reach out to guy A or my partners before him. Especially since I feared that they would expose me, that they would call me a ton of untrue things and it would send me over the edge. I know some of you may think thats foolish of me, for not telling them. But its my choice. And I know who these men are and what they are capable of, clearly this is why I stopped talking to them. I know I made grave mistakes by even deciding to sleep with them in the first place, and I honestly hate myself for my choices in men. I am trying to save myself from more humiliation and possible public humiliation by not disclosing to them. 

I've been trying to come to terms with this and accept it. But its so hard for me to forgive myself, especially since around the time I was diagnosed, it was the most"promiscuos" I have ever been. And for coming to terms with the fact that I have not disclosed for reasons I mentioned previously. Im trying to not see this as a punishment, especially since I did use a condom, I did the right thing- I was having safe sex. I was doing what any normal 20-something year old woman does. And I still got it.I just keep thinking why me, why now? Why did I do this to myself when everything I did could've been prevented? I keep reading posts on here and its comforting to know that its more common than I thought it was, and that its supposedly no big deal. That herpes happens and its not your fault, its not something you could have controlled. That its still possible to transmit it with a condom and herpes doesn't discriminate. But it is so difficult for me to see it that way. If I had never made the choices of men that I had, I would have never been in this situation. Whats really getting me is that I now have a disease. Someone that I trusted with my body gave me an incurable disease. And now I can never say I am STD free.

How do I get passed this and move on and let go of the things I coulda shoulda woulda done? Do I disclose to these people even though it risks my mental health? How do I forgive myself for the choices I've made? Is my doctor right-does it really not matter if I have HSV 1 or 2? I dont know what to do moving forward with dating and how to say no to people without explaining why. How do you even disclose? I have a million questions about the logistics of this disease because I cant understand how or under what circumstances I even got it.

If you have any suggestions or have a similar experience please, I am open to any support I can get right now. I am currently going through my 2nd OB and trying to decipher what triggered it and how to prevent any others. Any piece of mind would help greatly.

[greydaysandbrighternights]

😞 . I don’t have any advice, I’m new to this too. Can sympathise though if that’s any good. 

11th august ‘18. My first OB and I knew it was HSV. I just knew. I had a swollen inflamed area that gradually turned into one open sore soon accompanied by a swollen gland in my groin and achy joints and fever. I’ve been with my partner 3 years but with big breaks in between. It’s complicated but he was very dishonest about his life and availability. I loved him so forgave. After our “ break” ( during which time I slept with someone else)  he had a rash in his pubic area but explained it by way of his contact dermatitis. Fast forward a year, we were intimate, he developed an angry, irritated area in his nether regions and 6 days later, I developed said primary outbreak. 

At the time he was accepting that he may have given it to me and I soothed him. After reading some info I sent him on HSV, and reading that it can lie dormant for years, he has now decided he would like to know who gave it to me because it wasn’t him.  He works away weeks at a time so I can’t be sure of the details of his stmptoms anyways. * sighs*. Truth is, I can’t know for sure can I? Because there has been others and condoms don’t protect from it and so it’s pointless speculating. I’ve had 4 ob’s in 7 months. It would have been more without meds. My second in January was by far the worst, triggered by a chest infection. Painful and lasted almost a month. I headed the third off in February with meds and just had my fourth which was quite pleasant by comparison, slightly uncomfortable and lasted 3 days without any meds. I have yet to learn what triggers it. Sometimes I read that ob’s are diet related, sometimes that a million and one supplements might help, but I’ve also been reading another doctors work and she’s adamant that it’s all down to genetics as to how well your immune system handles the virus and any outside influences are a waste of time. I just don’t know. I’m still experimenting I suppose. 

Upshot is that I’m devastated and tired of this already. . And I’m horrified I was so ignorant about hsv and am also unable to forgive myself. Why are there people walking around carrying this virus without any stmptoms and yet I get to be in physical and emotional pain with it every month? What’s so different about my immune system than most other peoples that it means this virus is kicking the shit out of me? 

I don’t blame you for not disclosing to those men. I know exactly what you mean and I wouldn’t either. It’s social suicide and absolutely your mental health is more important. Just my opinion.  

From my own point of view, the two main differences between HSV1 and HSV2 are that all in all, HSV1 is known statistically for fewer outbreaks and being generally less bothersome and HSV2 has a far worse stigma attached to it. So i think it’s up to the individual if it’s important what type they have. 

Chin up my lovely. X

[hope27]

I will say it's important to find out which type you have. As @greydaysandbrighternights mentioned hsv1 has much lesser obs than hsv2. Also hsv1 is much much common than hsv2. Knowing what type you have will help you for future. 

[forgivenessandpeace]

On 3/25/2019 at 11:03 PM, greydaysandbrighternights said:

I’ve also been reading another doctors work and she’s adamant that it’s all down to genetics as to how well your immune system handles the virus and any outside influences are a waste of time.

Thanks for sharing your experience. May I ask the name of the doctor you mention here?

[greydaysandbrighternights]

I am unsure of her full name. When I need comfort and support, I raid the internet for information in the hope of not feeling so alone. 

I regularly stumble upon a site called medihelp and there is a doctor ( or a medical professional at the very least) called Grace with many years of personal and professional experience with a no- nonsense attitude.  Im not for a second saying I agree, I’m just open minded.