unbreakable

My immune system is definitely not weak, I hardly ever catch the common cold even in the nastiest of weather, I eat clean and walk a lot. But I still can count on two hands the days I didn’t have any symptom since getting infected in 2017. It’s the worse before my period, because of the hormonal changes... do I maybe have a normonal imbalance that’s affecting me the whole month? I don’t have any other issues that would point to this being the case. My weight is okay, my appetite is okay, my mood is okay besides the hopelessness of never being healthy again...

The instructions usually say that silicone/latex can be cleaned with mild soap. But is the enough to kill any virus on the surface? I’m worried about shedding without symptoms and causing myself an outbreak later. Also, solo use only, I don’t share my stuff. Thanks!

I got herpes from an assault, and every single time I have to talk about having it I am reminded of the incident too. I can’t recover like this, mentally. I’ve been having flashbacks of the trauma for 2 years now. They occur again and again just like herpes itself. The worst is, nobody takes it seriously. A lot of people just don’t understand that sex is not always a pleasurable thing (for instance, definitely not if it’s not fully consensual).

My life has been pretty horrible emotionally since I got H. Stress can take a toll on the body, I know, but I’m worried what if some problems I have are because of H. Stress can be eliminated but the virus can’t... I cause myself further stress by worrying, though... For instance, my nails have gotten weak. No matter my vitamin intake or my diet, they still break all the time. I used to grow them out and they looked like fake nails, now they can’t even stay intact unless I have many hard layers of protective nail polish on and I keep them short Also, I have always been sensitive to sugar, it made me unfocused and “hyperactive”, but it’s gotten even worse. If I drink one single cup of fresh fruit juice (with NO added sugar!) I get dizzy... Will this damn virus consume me? Or should I just get herbal supplements to battle stress, and try to calm the hell down?

I was in very dark times when I caught H. My mom was a single mother, after a bad divorce, and she died very young. After her death I was depressed, and later I met someone who made me believe we could be happy. However, he left me after I lost my virginity to him. So I was without parents, without love, disappointed as hell, and only 20. It was downhill from there. I let everyone close to me because it didn’t matter. I thought atleast they will have fun if I can’t... I had a barely consensual encounter with a terrible older dude. I didn’t wanna go on a date but did anyway. We had sex with protection. Later that night he wanted to have sex again, woke me up, and he lied about having used the last condom. I was tired and hopeless and barely conscious. We had unprotected sex and I caught H. He did know about it but never even disclosed, only accidentally, while bragging about how strong and healthy he was... a terrible narcissistic person... Months later I met a nice guy. He really seemed great. I wanted to just talk and get to know him but he got a little too drunk on the first date and begged me to let him in my room until I did. I had no idea H was incurable, I didn’t believe anything can be incurable, even HIV has a cure... so I didn’t talk about it, especially because I did not even think about having sex. We ended up having sex anyway, he wanted it and I just went with it. He was pushy and I kind of froze because I had a flashback of what happened in the past. He got H from me then. So I need help with forgetting the trauma that old creep caused me by ruining my healthy young body, and I need help forgiving myself for causing harm by being too weak to face the truth and say no when needed. Any one of you had success with therapy? Could you forgive your H giver or yourself if you gave H to someone?

By the way, I stop taking acyclovir when my period approaches, because if it can’t stop the outbreak then it’s unnecessary work for my liver... How to reintroduce it? I usually just take one 400mg pill the day my symptoms subside...

Hi, Everytime I get my period my hormones act up and H starts rearing its head. In spite of acyclovir How do I prepare? What vitamins to take? How to shorten the outbreak?

H happened very early on. He developed symptoms one week into us dating. Also, I was shocked and in denial but subconsciously still knew I had H, so I could say everything was a lie from the beginning because I didn’t disclose. So it has affected us heavily. He was grieving because of his health, he lost confidence and love for his body, my guilt made me depressed and I had derealization... We can hardly tell what things would be like if it wasn’t for H. I fluctuate between thinking it would be a Disney movie, because the first few dates were really amazing, and between thinking we wouldn’t have worked out anyway because we are different. (No two people are the same, though! LOL...) He lost faith in his intuition because whenever it told him I was a liar I told him I wasn’t. Until I disclosed. So he is kind of torn between two different approaches too. One is that he just wants freedom and endless dates with flirting and laughter and unsaved phone numbers, the other is that he wants to be able to look at me with an honest smile and take me on dates and be proud of the fact that he’s got me. I do love him. He has love for me too. I was a broken person and I acted stupid but I am special and he knows that. I’m caring. I’m funny. I have my own style. I’m not the kind of person to become boring after a while. I am ambitious like him so I support his goals... so yeah, I know my values and he knows why he’s staying too. I just wish he never questiones whether it’s worth it or not. I never want him to think he is sacrificing anything for the sake of being together with me. Duh. Who would want that? I don’t want to leave unless he wants me to but can’t make the first move. I want to fix things. But sometimes looking at him kills all my confidence because all I think is “this is the awesome dude I have hurt badly like some psycho whore... yay now I gotta put a smile on and act less anxious because anxiety won’t fix anything and will only turn him off”. I try to focus on the future. We do have a future. I just want to make the most of it. I’ve always been a perfectionist. Tolerating each other, a “dishonest immature woman” and a “distant exhausted frustrated man” is not enough for me, I want us to be crazy for each other. I want him to look at me like he would give me the world just to have me. I know I don’t deserve it but still. I want him to enjoy my affection: I don’t want to keep him captive as my infected little pet who keeps me happy! I just want to show him love! Sooo much misunderstanding because of my lies about H... I’m not a liar, I was just broken. And after I lied he lied too. I never knew what he was feeling or what was going on, he even had some platonic dates behind my back when we were almost breaking up. I was never attracted to other guys. Anyway. The past sucks, but we’re still present in each other’s lives, so I want to try to build a foundation for a future instead of the mess we had. I really hope the future holds a cure too... It’s ridiculous that so many people have this nasty silly virus but it can’t be cured. Flu can be cured, HIV can be suppressed... and no cure for H?

First I had to suffer from a messy childhood which led me into a short and sad relationship. I was a late bloomer, I waited for “the right one”, but I met an immature person. He made the breakup out to be my fault, I felt devastated, from then on I let everyone who wanted me have me, it just didn’t have any value to me – no I didn’t enjoy it at all. I caught herpes from a terrible older dude who knew he had it but for some reason never told me except for one time accidentally but it was already too late. He infected me Now I have to suffer because I infected someone. I was in denial about my diagnosis, he was pushy, it happened too fast, we got intimate and he caught it. His very ill mother passed away after a few weeks of us dating, my dumb ass thought I was his only help in his grief so I kept quiet about everything except for trying to make him feel better. I lied to myself and to him about me being STD free for a year. (I never knew the grief wasn’t about his mom he knew was gonna go soon but about his health, and my presence just worsened it...) We’re still together, I’ve already came to terms with and admitted having herpes... Of course it’s a troubled thing that will never be pure, a dysfunctional relationship dynamic because of the bad memories we BOTH have. I ruined a big part of his life. I caused him pain. And now I feel like a monster for wanting to leave and finally let him live a free life, because that will cause him pain too! It literally sounds so terrible it would make anyone nauseous... I infected him and I break up with him. From an outside perspective it looks like I just want to escape the consequence of my actions, or think he’s broken and choose to leave for someone better instead of supporting him. None of these is the case. I just know how terrible it is to be stuck with the person who infected you, so I want to leave. That way he can live his best life again (except for having to disclose and to take acyclovir...) and I can improve myself too. I just can’t grow bigger than my guilt, when he’s around. I relapse into self hate and become a terrible partner as well as a depressed and unattractive person. No matter how hot I dress, I’ll still be unappealing. Partly because of the sadness, partly because duh I am the one who infected him with a goddamn virus that can’t be cleaned out of the body. It might not cause frequent symptoms, date partners might not be freaked out about it if they were gonna use protection anyway or if maybe they have H too... But I still f**ed up his health, and his trust. Maybe he’ll never be able to believe a woman again. Who knows? I don’t! And neither does he yet because he hasn’t dated after me – neither before me actually. Getting H when losing your virginity, what kind of luck is this???

It’s best to just forget her. Sounds like a very insensitive woman to me, what a shame! Don’t associate the virus with her in your mind, otherwise you will feel like you carry her and her actions with you. The virus is just a virus. You are stronger than it. I got it from a terrible older dude who convinced me to “give him a chance”, I thought he was mature etc. but turned out he’s had the virus for ca. 30 years and just went around destroying women’s health because of “having used the last condom already”... No idea if he knew it was a contangious thing. Maybe he was ignorant. Maybe he wanted to keep someone captive by taking away her possibilities of dating without having to worry about disclosure. I was so preoccupied with hating him that it brought on stress and outbreaks. I felt like I was cursed by him, whenever I thought about him I would get itchy and sore. Thank God I don’t care anymore. Karma will get him. I will restore my health, but he will still be an asshole... There’s no pill against being a terrible person...

To me it’s really all about how my immune system and nervous system is feeling. Stress is the worst thing, whether one has HSV or not, so it’s definitely to be avoided. Try not to pull all nighters, always be one step ahead of getting exhausted - you can party or stay up or worry about deadlines but don’t let it overwhelm you, otherwise your body will need time to heal the damage of stress. I basically run on caffeine, I drink my coffee black, a double every morning. I didn’t experience any discomfort related to it. Drink away. Cheers! As long as it doesn’t get your stress levels up (I mean drinking too much at once, or drinking it to avoid having to sleep longer) you’re good to go. In my experience atleast. Sugar however can promote inflammation of all kinds, so again, HSV aside, reducing sugar intake will help your wellbeing. I do eat sweets sometimes but I prefer fruits and (when cooking) natural alternatives like xylithol or stevia. I never convinced myself to start running, but I do cardio 4x a week at the gym, elliptical trainer etc. Lots of sweating, high heart rate, sometimes my lady parts rub against the fabric I’m wearing too, duh... and no problems so far. If you have an outbreak but don’t feel sick (fever, weakness, typical flu-like “Attention! There’s a virus in the system! Oh no!” symptoms) then you can workout. Use a tiny bit of Lidocaine cream if you have any discomfort. And of course shower soon afterwards. By the way, I found warm salt baths really helpful, it relaxes my skin as well as my nerves. Maybe consider a suppressive therapeutic dose of antivirals on a regular basis, if needed. Dating is not any worse than otherwise. LOL Normally you have to tell potential partners things like “I voted for XY, I like/hate being touched here and there, I prefer (not) to be in control, I don’t like to get physical til the whateverth date”, now you just have to add “I have this little problem but I have it under control, the risk for you if we use protection is minor, but ofcourse I wanted to let you know so you can choose whether to take it or not”. Don’t let the diagnosis bring you down, indeed, it’s just a virus that causes a skin irritation, not a huge deal if you take care of your health anyway! 🤘 All the best.

I had my tonsils removed when I was a kid, I always had a cold and a bad cough so I had to. However, it can grow back in some cases. What I know is that not every strain of streptococcus makes you ill, some you just carry and your immune system fights it. ASO is present in the blood in higher levels when you are currently fighting it or were recently sick. They’re pretty common bacteria. Some strains can affect your respiratory system, which I don’t know is my case – I never feel actually sick, I just sometimes have a runny nose that I thought was allergy or whatnot. Is it possible that my immune system is weakened by having tonsils that collect all this bacteria? Is it worth a try to go and ask the doctors to put that good old lamp in my mouth and check if I have tonsils and if they’re inflammated or not? My lymph nodes are not swollen, by the way. No sign of any problem.

Guilt is sooo much worse than rejection, trust me! Next time the topic comes up let her know how you feel. It’s an important thing morally as well. Hell, even call her if it’s bothering you to let her keep doing this, don’t you let yourself feel like a partner in crime. Sorry to sound selfish but I’m speaking from experience. Her man deserves to know. If there are no outbreaks and he hasn’t caught it yet chances are it’s really just a harmless case of having H, no need to freak out about it. Wish y’all strength.

Let me rant a little. I feel like I’ve messed up the whole relationship dynamic forever! Whenever something bad happens we never know if it’s because of H or not. Because he caught it so early on we didn’t even have time to get to know each other properly. Also, it’s a first serious relationship for both of us. So, for instance, when he buys a Playboy magazine to pass time between meetings, neither do I nor does he know if it’s because of a muffled desire for running wild and getting all the healthy, happy, attractive and new ladies without having to worry about a disclosure, OR y’know, just a completely normal “guy thing”, actually who doesn’t like pretty girls? I’m straight and even I do! And I could go on... Really... If I have a cold but don’t go to the doc after the first few sneezes we don’t know if he wants me to go because he is worried about me because he loves me, or because not caring enough about my health has already caused him problems once and it’s quite unattractive. If I am in a cranky mood we don’t know if he’s annoyed simply because he feels bad about his queen having turned into a dragon which she’s clearly not enjoying, or because he feels like every bad-mood moment spent with me is amplified because of what I’ve done robbing him of his time and denying him the truth. (I lied to myself too but whatever.) Realllllly. Everything seems tainted sometimes. I know there is no magic pill for the emotional mess I made, I just had to get it off my chest, and maybe I’ll get some advice too. Stay strong y’all. Thanks for reading.

My partner has caught it from me. I was in denial about my diagnosis and we were also a little drunk. I did not initiate having sex, I was just too tired not to go with it. In spite of all this we did fall in love. I hate having betrayed him like this, when he confronted me about his symptoms I even lied for a longer while about not having known about the virus. I know, I’ve been through hell because of it already so I don’t need to be told how badly I messed up. Then I finally came to terms with everything and told everything to him He seems to feel more love for me than any other emotion, he’s still attracted to me, and said he’d much rather let go of his anger and disappointment than let go of the person he feels so close to. Will he ever be able to look at me with fresh eyes and appreciate me for who I am when I’m not a dumbass in denial about her own health? I really want him to be happy and attracted, and kinda start again. I do love him.

So I’ve read that if you have an outbreak during (vaginal) childbirth there is a risk of transmission. I understand that But what about C-section? I am rather petite so I was going to opt for that anyway when the time comes. Can the child have any health problems while in the womb? Or the virus doesn’t affect the womb if I keep proper hygiene and abstain from any activity that could spread the virus deeper? How about acyclovir, can I take it or is it harmful in my bloodstream for the child? Nowhere close to starting a family yet, but I’m a woman and I’d love to have kids one day so it’s a reasonable concern.

Hi Do any of you have a normal sleep schedule? I either go to bed late but sleep enough or go to bed on time but have early mornings. Never a good 8 hours starting before midnight. I sometimes notice very comfortable timeperiods, usually around a relaxing activity. For instance if I go swimming or to the theatre after my long workday I’ll feel more “balanced” below the belt too. Sometimes. I wonder if I could be symptoms free if I managed to sleep enough. Right now it’s just russian roulette, I either feel great or feel sh*tty in spite of 400mg/800mg acyclovir daily.

Since it affects nerves I was wondering... It can cause nerve pain from the waist below but can it also make someone irritable and feel in a low mood? (Without taking in consideration the emotional turmoil it can cause.)

It’s been almost 2 years since I got diagnosed but I’m still not recovered mentally. One of my most important body parts is ruined. I do everything to avoid outbreaks but discomfort still lingers almost always. The part of me that is supposed to bring me pleasure is only making me annoyed and hopeless. As a woman I used to see it as kind of a sacred place, that’s hidden and is complex and it’s a great experience to share it with someone I let in. Now it’s dangerous for others’ health if I were to get intimate with anyone... I feel like I’ve lost a part of me mentally/spiritually. I’m only 22. I have only ever had 5 encounters before I caught the virus from someone who knew he had it, and they all were almost-consensual one night stands. I had yet to really desire someone. I was never irresponsible. This one guy took me home after an anything but successful date and I was so sad and afraid and maybe hoping for a better end to the night than the rest of it was that I let him. We used a condom but “that was the last one he had” and while I was tired and trying to sleep I “agreed” to do it without one the second time. Is my life over forever or? I really have no idea.

I mean we could have been so happy! And maybe we still could be...?! He’s become more mature and more loving since in a relationship. He’s amazing. I’m afraid that he will fall in love with the wrong girl. Anyway, not my problem. I know I’m not the right one for him. I was just a lesson. Thanks for reading.

Is it bad to want to leave a relationship because it reminds me of my past mistakes? I infected a guy I didn’t disclose to but he stayed with me, on some days we get along really well and I actually feel a connection and see a future, but he has slight PTSD because of my deeds and to be honest so do I! I can’t stand the person I was back then, I was letting fear control me... And everytime I look at him I see only a little bit of the wonderful person he is because my mind is clouded by my own self hate, everytime I look at him it’s like a mirror that shows me as a terrible monster! He tries not to mention it to me too often, he doesn’t put me through emotional abuse at all even though I’d kinda deserve it. But he has his bad days, and I can see it in his eyes that he’s withering away beside me because of me! I think he doesn’t know his opportunities well enough, I’m his first girlfriend and he doesn’t know how much better it could get than this relationship. Also he’s afraid he would infect someone. And he tries to forgive me but I think it’s nearly impossible and definitely not necessary. It would be easier to just leave me, to think I was a monster, and to move on. Then I could move on too and make myself understand that I am NOT a monster anymore. I know I f.cked up badly but you know... I DO deserve to be admired with passion as much as he deserves to have a passionate relationship. I don’t have to stay if it’s making me sad more often than him. It might seem like an immature decision though. But it feels right. Feels painful but feels right. I want to focus on myself, not dating just loving myself more. I really wish he would have to courage to fall for someone else without fearing the disclosure! I wish he could let me go... I am witty and caring and I do look good, (I know my worth) but if I’m not making him happy, because of who I am/was, then it’s silly of him to stay! Buuut leaving a person after I had hurt him so severely, leaving a person who still loves me, leaving a person whom I still love, kinda... is just so rude and painful! Or would it not be? I’m so clueless. I don’t know if breaking things off would be a healthy mature decision towards both of our recovery or a dumb decision that my depression and self hate is telling me!!!

I was going through very hard times mentally, without any help, when a guy asked me on a date. Long story short, I went because I thought we could be good friends and he seemed nice, but he turned out to be way too eager later on and I spiraled into bad memories when he kissed me without me really wanting it, I felt I had no control whatsoever over my life and relationships. We ended up at my place and started off using a condom but it kept slipping so he took it off. I was both aware and unaware of my illness. Tried to be cautious but still refused to believe I had been plagued with a virus at such a young age. (21 when caught it from an abusive person and 22 when this date happened.) My mind was in a constant state of dissociation so yeah. I f*ed up but I was f*ed up too. Not an excuse, just another addition to the story. Later turned out I was his first, hence being pushy and hence not knowing how to use a condom properly. I ruined him for life, or atleast til a cure is found. HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS? Yes he could still date, yes he could still party, but he must have the talk, and he must watch his immune system, so he’s not fully FREE anymore. And he’s never even had any experiences when he was free to have them, he had to provide for his family and never dated or partied... (He was 23 at the time.) Now let me get to the selfish part as well. Our relationship went pretty well before he developed symptoms, my dumb ass believed “oh I’m healthy and happy”, we went on fun dates, almost developed deeper feelings mutually... Then BAMM it happened, he fell ill with a fever, got tested H+, his mother who’s been battling a heart disease suddendly passed away, I was desperate so I told him I was clean of STDS because I didn’t want him to lose the only person who could comfort his grief (I thought I was that person, how dumb). I only recently told him 2 months ago that I did get a + result for H when 21 years old but did not KNOW I had H because I was too ruined mentally. We have been and are still in contact, dating actually, but c’mon a relationship can’t be built on such weak foundations... So yeah, the selfish part is: How the f* do I get over having ruined my chances of being happy with the only guy to this day whom I could hold a proper conversation with??? I have never been a fan of dating, I was busy with my own life but kept an eye out for guys who were interested in me, and no I don’t want to start dating. I was just glad he came along, after getting over my irrational anger about him kissing me too soon. And now I’m mad at myself. You know, maybe if I told him I had H then we would’ve never had sex but I could’ve stayed friends with him and I could have him in my life without feeling guilty and like a monster! Buuut I never had a chance to, because he wasn’t very keen on talking on the first date, he just wanted sex and then to leave... Idk. We both messed up but I messed up worse than him of course. Idk what now. My carreer is going okay, learning self love is fun because I get to pamper myself with gym or hot baths or whatnot, but my soul is a big mess still.

Does working out on a regular basis strengthen the immune system? Or is the adrenaline rush of cardio exercise a kind of stress too? How about working out with an outbreak? With some numbing cream and safe non-exposing clothes is it okay?

I have noticed that even when I’m not having any symptoms of H, I still can’t get ad wet down there as I used to, like something about the ph or whatnot of my vaginal fluids is off. It’s REALLY saddening because sex was much more pleasurable that way, not to mention that everyone I ever dated was very turned on by how responsive I was... Any idea what’s going on and what to do?

Hi, I’m in my early 20s and as far as I know it does not. Acyclovir is specifically made to keep the herpes virus from causing symptoms, it does not affect your reproductive organs because it’s not a hormone based medication. However, it’s still medication so you might want to ask your doctor whether it’s better to clean it out of your system before conceiving a baby or not. I don’t know if it would affect the baby if it’s in your bloodstream when you’re pregnant. Make sure you don’t have an outbreak at the time the baby is born, he/she shouldn’t come into contact with the virus, so if you do have an outbreak then C-section is better. (Tbh I would prefer that anyway because that way my lady parts won’t have to be overworked in order to give birth.) Find a good doc and hit him/her with all the questions. Good luck to you on everything! :)