Jasmine10
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Posts posted by Jasmine10
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Confused12 - NO this doctor sounds like an IDIOT. The only way to know for sure is to get the blood test. Please get it. I got misdiagnosed by sight and spent 15 months in purgatory. I was like what the FUCK was the point of having to go thru this hell - if it means saving just ONE more person from a lifetime of hell then I won't feel as bad for having gone thru it. Please take the blood test and let me know the results. This does NOT sound like a herpes sore at all. The initial outbreak lasts only about 2-4 weeks. What a DUMB FUCK thing to say that the only way to know for sure is to take valtrex and if it healed you would know you have it when there is such a highly accurate blood test out there. i'm sorry i sound so mad but having been misdiagnosed myself I'm just shocked and mad at how dumb and cavalier this doctor is.
In fact - here's something to try. I have an area in my labia that will have what looks like cut from time to time. When I first got it it would NOT fucking heal even after putting neosporin, or the antibiotic cream my doc gave me. Then i tried Medicine Mama's Vmagic and the cut went away within like 2 days maybe 3 at most. I still put it every now and then just to keep the skin there strong as it is designed to also strengthen delicate vaginal skin.
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Hi!
I have the same thing too, a cut at the labia - mine comes and goes and is friction related not H related and the ONLY thing I found that worked to heal it and keep the skin strong enough to minimize re-occurence (and NO doctor could give me anything to help) is Medicine Mama's Vmagic. HIGHLY recommended! -
hi sorry for the delay! how has the cream been working? I use it when i feel a cut but it def strengthened my vaginal tissue and i very seldom have to use it after the first month or two of using it!
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well i'm so glad to hear that you had two guys in a row not be fazed by it!!!
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thank you all so much for your responses!
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hey @Riseandfall - i use the cream and just apply a dab of it on the cut on the vulvar (yup that's where i had it). oh my tear lasted fucking MONTHS and the doctor said to just put neosporin on it did NOT work. this was the ONLY thing that finally sealed it and it even STRENGTHENED it such that it hasn't teared from vigorous activity since (fingers crossed). read up about it - the makers researched what makes strong healthy skin and created the formulas they use. i absolutely swear by it after NO OBGYN could help me with it. please let me know your results!
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Hi,
Qn for those who have disclosed and found that there were people who didn't give a damn about Herpes. Are you able to explain why they don't care about something that so many of us here think would be the end of our dating life?
I feel like if I knew WHY people didn't care I can start to believe that I can disclose and have guys not care (or even if they care, not ENOUGH to keep them away from my sexy ass!). From my vantage point whenever I hear "I disclosed and he didn't care at all!" I always ask WHY?? Why would he/she not care about a disease that CAN (although mostly doesn't) cause horrible blisters on a very delicate area, and might give you more of these every few months (or more often!) and that if YOU tell people they will run for the hills (which is what we have been told). Why are all these people not caring? I've had two girlfriends tell me in their experience men haven't cared (for the most part) I'm astounded. how can this be the case when it's been so entrenched in our culture as being this awful horrible thing nobody will want you if you have?
Would LOVE any insights thanks!
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I am 1 year post diagnosis and I cannot believe I am still unable to accept my diagnosis. Still can't believe I have this FOR LIFE, still wondering if I will ever have another happy day in my life.
Then I decided to go to a standup comedy show. And I highly recommend it if you haven't tried! (but see someone good) Having a live experience, with fellow human beings, with a real live person standing in front of you (as opposed to seeing someone on TV and MAYBE chuckling to yourself all alone) was such a great experience. I had bought tickets but before the show I was moping in bed thinking how much I hated my life (and I used to LOVE my life. not always, but literally the few months leading up to the fucking whammy I had finally gotten to a place where I felt happy on a consistent basis and felt that I loved my life - life is such a dick ain't it??) and that fuck it i'll just not go even though i bought tix and just be depressed in bed the rest of the night.
So how was it? Well I had some fun laughs, and not one but TWO - one of those gut busting, delicious laugh your HEART out laughs. 2 amazing moments when i FORGOT. I forgot about H. Forgot about the loveless life I think i'm doomed to be living forever. Interestingly enough the second after those delicious laughs came I teared up. To see what a contrast the magical moment was from the reality of how I have been feeling for so long. And I think I cried also because I realized I haven't laughed like that in forever. Although I haven't been feeling all doom and gloom for over a year. Post diagnosis I didn't date for a chunk of time and decided to just not even THINK about dating someone, and actually got to a pretty happy place again when dating was just NOT on my radar. But then I met a guy I really liked, and the depression and reality and fear and emotions have hit me HARD again like a ton of bricks, and all the old stuff I had just put aside as I went through my days trying (and VERY often succeeding) to forget about this shit came pouring down on me again (and i've been struggling for a few MONTHS with my relapse it's not even days or even weeks)
So I came on these forums to just share this tip of hey go see a LIVE comedy show, and saw this inspiration section (which I haven't come to in a while, I had been reading my EYES out in just the disclosure section - still scares the living shit out of me) and I couldn't stop reading! I read one person's thoughts (on hindsight) that really struck me. now that she is several years post D, she kicks herself for all the time and energy and emotions she "wasted" feeling depressed and woe is me. When things did NOT turn out to be so terrible afterall. And I think to myself "that is my NOW. I am doing the thing now that I could very well be kicking myself in the butt years later. So fucking snap out of it!"
So the comedy show PLUS this section is putting me in a far better mood now than before when I was on my bed wishing this would all just go the F away. And reading some of the posts is finally making me even begin to ENTERTAIN the idea of at least telling ONE friend ( I haven't told a single fucking friend. Hence the enhanced isolation. But some posters said it helped, ONE gf with H mentioned that in telling people about it it helped her to accept it as people told her there was nothing wrong with her and most dudes didn't care what?! so now I'm at least entertaining the idea, and while my coping mechanism this past year has been ignore and not think about it (i don''t get OBs so it's easier) i now at least see that at SOME POINT (not NOW NOW but somepoint in the future) I could actually start coming out about it and from there, actually finally healing the stigma within me. But that said, I think i'm gonna go back to forgetting about dating for another several more months LOL cos at least I was pretty happy then. But at least I finally see this third way as POSSIBLE instead of just either denial or doom and gloom!
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i don't have any advice but just wanted to send my heartfelt sympathy for what you are going thru. this shit is so hard for all of us (i too have shit to deal with on top of the fucking H) and i am just grateful we have this community to see how we are SO not alone.
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this guy sounds absolutely fucking amazing. you are so lucky! i have heard of many stories of people accepting H disclosure pre sex, but to forgive you after unprotected sex and go on to love you the way he has...i do hope it can work out between the both of you. a guy friend i knew broke up with his gf because they "lost the love"..then reconnected and he came to the realization that the intial throes of passion fade, and it transforms into something that doesn't feel like love because it's not that intense passion, but is actually something deeper more comfortable and long lasting. he's been married to that same girl now for 10 years.
and yes co-worker dating is terrible. if you disclose and he rejects you AND tells your other co-workers that would be horrible!!
and if you really don't want this guy anymore pass him on to me!! LOL he sounds INCREDIBLE - to even tell you to not stay with him because of H ..he sounds very mature, and that he has YOUR best interests at heart.
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Hi,
I am so sorry to hear you are going through all this! The suggestion I have is to sign up for the clinical trials of pritelivir, a new herpes drug currently in I think Phase 2 of testing that has already shown to be superior to Valtrex. Perhaps it can help you and you can get to use it before the years it's gonna take for the darn thing to come out to market!
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you are sooo lucky to have found a perfect guy who doesn't care. That's the worry that is ruining my mental health and happiness, if I will ever find someone. Tears are not outbreaks - i have a vagina that tears easily too, even pre-H. Try medicin mama's vmagic - lots of women have found it helps with delicate vulvar skin myself included!
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On 8/21/2019 at 1:12 AM, LoveTheMountains said:
@Jasmine10 Here is a link to an older topic I replied in. In it I outlined my major dating/disclosure experiences over the last 2 decades and you can kinda see my progression with self acceptance and confidence. You can also see some of the pitfalls of not having that (like dating men who weren't good for me b/c I didn't love myself enough at the time). Hope its helpful!
ahhhh thank you thank you thank you. i have gotten a relapse in my mental health cos of this stupid thing and found myself crawling back to this forum for some solace and saw your replies!!! THANK YOU!! I would like to get into the place of being happy and confident in disclosing too and have men still falling over their feet to be with me lol
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omg wow!!! love it!!!
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On 12/4/2018 at 3:20 AM, alllgood said:
Hi.... I read this whole thing and every damn word you wrote felt like it had came straight out of my mouth... Constant thoughts of forever being alone, or having to settle, because let's be real who the fuck wants this baggage. I was diagnosed before my 21st birthday, this past march, and I'm still completely devastated. I got it from someone i thought I could trust, and I even ask him to use a condom but he ended up taking it off and then well you know. I'm completely mad at myself for letting him and trusting him and i dont even blame him (I should but I hate myself so much more). It's dumb bc I didn't even really care idk why I even did it. It's crazy how much I relate to what you wrote. A week after my diagnosis I got a therapist through the app talkspace so I could let all of this off my mind without revealing who i was because I was so humiliated. I told my mom and shes been understanding but can't give much advice.... my dad would be so awful about it. I could only tell one of my best friends and it turned out her mom had it too so she doesn't find it a big deal, but I had to lie to my other best friend and say I got a second test and it was negative bc how she talks about it makes me feel so awful. I even have the debate between disclosure and nondisclosure myself... even months after the fact. I haven't been having sex because I cant disclose and I cant not bc the one time I thought I unknowingly passed it, ate me alive from guilt. I actually struggle with major anxiety, panic, and depression and since the diagnosis I have turned to drug abuse just to keep myself sane. I'm going to get help within the next week or so without my parents knowing but I just feel so hopeless. like moving onto my career and starting my life is the last thing on my mind because I feel like I won't ever be happy with this virus. And like you said, yea there are a lot of success stories, but I just dont think i can handle all of the rejections and potentially ending up settling. I have found myself more lonely than ever by avoiding sex (and going out because all I see are people hooking up), focusing on school or taking drugs to forget, and then when i remember, I sit on my computer looking for cures and vaccines. I stumbled upon the trial you are talking about and the only thing that went through my mind was "If I were rich id donate all of my money for them to get this damn vaccine". I do have to admit I dont think about it as often, but I definitely haven't made any progress either. I have had every single thought you have expressed in your post so I'm so glad I have someone to relate to. I have been on daily valtrex for a few months with no outbreaks, and before I had like 3 including my first outbreak. That is the only thing keeping me positive... I pray that I can find someone who can accept me who I am not just settling for, and even more that there is at least a vaccine in the near future. Let me know if you ever need to talk... I sometimes find it more comforting to share mutual dark thoughts than to only hear inspirational replies that I just cannot relate to.
hi @alllgood thanks for your reply I am popping back into this forum after a hiatus where I just wanted to forget about this and live my life. Now that i've met a guy I like this nightmare is coming back and I felt like coming back again. almost a year later..it is definitely BETTER when I am not dating - many times I completely FORGET about it and even experience happiness again. But now that I've met someone I like...it's eating me again and and I feel upset that I may very well not pursue this relationship because I just don't want to have to deal with this shit. Yes if everyone with this could just donate to a gofundme to theravax or whatever we'd have millions of dollars! I am considering just being single until a cure comes out. i too pray for a vaccine/cure in the near future!!! that's kinda the one thing that gives me a bit of hope but gosh how many have already failed?! anyway it's been a long time since you posted this how are you feeling now? Just send me a PM cause I might miss your reply to this!
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On 12/19/2018 at 5:38 PM, LaurenElise said:
Hi Jasmine10: Girl, I can totally empathize your feelings as I was just diagnosed two weeks ago yesterday. My outbreak was horrendous and now that I finally feel better from that, I've been dealing with urinary retention for 9 days. I met a guy on Bumble at the beginning of November and I thought he was a really great guy and that we were heading towards a relationship. He even waited until the 4th date to get physical with me. I thought I hit the jackpot. Almost 2 weeks later I had my first outbreak and I knew what it was immediately. He ended things with me that day and had all kinds of BS to tell me. That he had slept with people who have herpes but he never caught it. That he's never had any symptoms and his doctor said he has nothing to worry about. And that since he had chicken pox, the HSV antibodies show up in his blood. After doing research I know that is all a big freaking lie. I even found his ex-wife on Facebook and messaged her to see if she knew of him having herpes. I know it's him though because two weeks ago I tested negative for HSV because the infection was so new. Like you though, I'm not even mad at him. In fact, my anger and disgust with myself subsided rather quickly. I actually believe that nothing but POSITIVE can come out of this situation. Dating has been a total nightmare for me and I've met oh so many frogs. Well this is going to filter out the frogs real quick and I'll be able to find someone who truly cares about me despite my HSV. You'll be surprised by how many people actually have HSV but they just don't talk about it. This is also going to give me a personal growth opportunity. Instead of trying to get a guy based on sex, I need to use my other MANY qualities to form REAL relationships with people. This is also going to get me back in the gym and eating healthy again to keep my immune system up. I KNOW how crappy you feel right now and for a few days I wanted to end my life. And if someone rejects you, they could have easily rejected you for the way you wear your hair or the way you chew your food. I urge you to try and find the positives in this situation despite it feeling so bleak right now. Hang in there ❤️
Hi @LaurenElise I am popping back in after leaving the forums for a bit to forget about this condition - thank you so much for the reply I super appreciate it. I am tiptoeing back into the dating world and am reliving this nightmare all over again now that I have to actually think about it and it's making me want to go back to not dating. I Really really like your attitude about using this as a positive!!!
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On 12/2/2018 at 2:39 PM, crookshankshey said:
Your post broke my heart. That’s how I felt when I was first diagnosed though I was married. Now years later, I found myself single with this dirty secret I was deathly ashamed of.
But guess what? The first guy I hooked up with totally cool with it. Like no pause. Had sex right after I told him and we are still hooking up four months later and he doesn’t want to use protection anymore (I’m the deciding factor, still working out my feelings about it) and I told my best friend who said “oh yeah it’s super common.” This evil secret that made me feel like a leper all these years doesn’t have power over me.
Honestly I've come to a peaceful acceptance of it. My thoughts are: we have a bullshit don’t ask don’t tell policy of herpes in the medical community. People aren’t encouraged to be tested and then 90% of people who have it don’t know. So we are left to be the responsible educators. It’s so common. If someone doesn’t want to hook up with get into a relationship with someone with an incredibly common skin issue that 1 in 8 Americans have (1 in 5 women) then cool, but you are going to miss out on some great people 🤷🏻♀️ and I don’t have time to feel bad about myself.
Amazing thank you for the positive share!! it's true...if more people were tested and we all knew how common this really is it wouldn't have the terrible stigma it has. thank you for such a positive framing of this!!
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On 11/29/2018 at 8:44 PM, Victory_in_Defeat said:
I have never associated with something more than I associate with this. This just sums up all of my emotions, even now. I'll admit that every now and then I come back to this post and read your words just to remind myself that there is someone else out there that feels the same way I do. Thank you so much for this.
wow..I'm so touched to hear you come back every now and then to read my words..thank you for that acknowledgement. To know that my words can make even a bit of positive difference to someone else means so much to me.
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On 11/20/2018 at 3:46 PM, RaymondPlacido said:
What a wrench this whole situation threw into our cogs . I come on here and real all of your experiences and mindsets and my heart aches . i tend to show more compassion for everyone but myself so i dont even care about my GHSV 1 . ( diagnosed this past august and currently experiencing my second OB ) . @Jasmine10
Just like you, the worst part of this is convincing myself that life is normal. Im 25 and only had sex with 3 woman so you can say i barely got my feet wet is the social dating scene. I feel like the gates closed right on my face and now im most certaintly destined to be single ( due to a slew of issues like you mentioned yourself 😂)
But i still have my crude sense of humor and my disdain for the general population has been reinforced lol . i just felt like pouring some heart out so if youre reading this , im sorry the universe qualified you for these forums and i really hope each and everyone of us can conquer this battle against ourselves and truly be unphased by living with H .
thank you for your compassion - and for sharing your feelings. Do have some compassion for yourself too 🙂 I am doing so much better now with regards to this, and life's way bigger challenges are now occupying my mind so much so that I don't even have much mental bandwidth to even think about this - I realize that there are much bigger things in life to focus our thoughts and energies on!
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On 11/3/2018 at 4:51 AM, McCalister said:
Thank you Jasmine, everything you said made utter since to me. Dealing with the physiological frustration can be wayyy overwhelming..
I have HSV as of yesterday.. My Heart hit the ground like pure gravity, there many things i wana say about this..
I understand...heart hit the ground like pure gravity indeed. i had stomach palpitations (fear) for 2 days in a row. just being in total fear of my future life. I'm doing much better now a month in so I have faith you will get better too. As in some moments I actually feel - oh shit! I didn't think i could ever feel happy ever again but look here it is! 🙂
Sending you hope and soothing energy.
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On 10/31/2018 at 4:17 PM, uniqueone said:
I got my diagnosis six weeks ago. I cried for two weeks. Thought everything was over.
One guy bailed on me completely. The rest were supportive. I'm still playing with one, even though the way we play is different. Still hot. Still fun.
I've met a very nice guy very recently. We get along really well. I had to disclose this week. That went better than I expected. He is still interested.
Ive gotten on antivirals and antidepressants. I feel I have a sliver of hope.
I don't know if sharing my story is helpful to you, but I'm here with you.
Try to keep your chin up.
oh i'm so glad to hear this thank you for sharing. I have shrink appt this week but i've been doing BETTER so i may not even need the anti depressants so that's good progress. glad u are doing so well after 6 weeks!!! and how suportive most have been!!! so so happy to hear that! this may not be as bad as i thought then..i just keep thinking EVERYONE is gonna bail!
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awww thank you @Amando!! certainly hope so!! so lucky your first was a successs!! 🙂
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Hey @Redfaith417 thank you SO much for offering support even tho you are sick and tired! yes you are right. There are way bigger catastrophes that sometimes i myself have to laugh at the ridiculousness of ending a life over this STUPID fucking little thing - but i know it's all the stigma. it's that stigma and thought that i'm now unlovable cos of this stupid fuckign stigma and i'm so so bad at it
i'm so glad you are so posiive and thank u for sharing how you've handled so much worse. this is the worst thing to ever happen to me in my life which just shows how fortunate i had it before (not that i didn't have other chronic issues that actually cause me MORE pain but the emotional destruction of this is just SO severe w the stigma). anyway i'm doing my best now to find meaning in life other than with love and dating and see whether and how life can be worth living anyway. as of right now i can't imagine ever reaching the levels of joy and happiness i was enjoying right before this hit, but i'm hoping medication + meditation will at least get me somewhat back to normal. even HALF the level of joy I used to face will be better than this crushed feeling.
thank you for sharing your strength.
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Cut diagnosed as herpes?
in General herpes discussion
Posted
Great! Please let me know! The first time i had it was after a guy was too aggressive with sex/touching me down there and that's the typical pattern I see for myself. I think it has also just happened randomly though and my gynae says the skin there is thin so some women can be more prone to cuts.