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Jasmine10

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Jasmine10 last won the day on November 23

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  1. Hi, Qn for those who have disclosed and found that there were people who didn't give a damn about Herpes. Are you able to explain why they don't care about something that so many of us here think would be the end of our dating life? I feel like if I knew WHY people didn't care I can start to believe that I can disclose and have guys not care (or even if they care, not ENOUGH to keep them away from my sexy ass!). From my vantage point whenever I hear "I disclosed and he didn't care at all!" I always ask WHY?? Why would he/she not care about a disease that CAN (although mostly doesn't) cause horrible blisters on a very delicate area, and might give you more of these every few months (or more often!) and that if YOU tell people they will run for the hills (which is what we have been told). Why are all these people not caring? I've had two girlfriends tell me in their experience men haven't cared (for the most part) I'm astounded. how can this be the case when it's been so entrenched in our culture as being this awful horrible thing nobody will want you if you have? Would LOVE any insights thanks!
  2. I am 1 year post diagnosis and I cannot believe I am still unable to accept my diagnosis. Still can't believe I have this FOR LIFE, still wondering if I will ever have another happy day in my life. Then I decided to go to a standup comedy show. And I highly recommend it if you haven't tried! (but see someone good) Having a live experience, with fellow human beings, with a real live person standing in front of you (as opposed to seeing someone on TV and MAYBE chuckling to yourself all alone) was such a great experience. I had bought tickets but before the show I was moping in bed thinking how much I hated my life (and I used to LOVE my life. not always, but literally the few months leading up to the fucking whammy I had finally gotten to a place where I felt happy on a consistent basis and felt that I loved my life - life is such a dick ain't it??) and that fuck it i'll just not go even though i bought tix and just be depressed in bed the rest of the night. So how was it? Well I had some fun laughs, and not one but TWO - one of those gut busting, delicious laugh your HEART out laughs. 2 amazing moments when i FORGOT. I forgot about H. Forgot about the loveless life I think i'm doomed to be living forever. Interestingly enough the second after those delicious laughs came I teared up. To see what a contrast the magical moment was from the reality of how I have been feeling for so long. And I think I cried also because I realized I haven't laughed like that in forever. Although I haven't been feeling all doom and gloom for over a year. Post diagnosis I didn't date for a chunk of time and decided to just not even THINK about dating someone, and actually got to a pretty happy place again when dating was just NOT on my radar. But then I met a guy I really liked, and the depression and reality and fear and emotions have hit me HARD again like a ton of bricks, and all the old stuff I had just put aside as I went through my days trying (and VERY often succeeding) to forget about this shit came pouring down on me again (and i've been struggling for a few MONTHS with my relapse it's not even days or even weeks) So I came on these forums to just share this tip of hey go see a LIVE comedy show, and saw this inspiration section (which I haven't come to in a while, I had been reading my EYES out in just the disclosure section - still scares the living shit out of me) and I couldn't stop reading! I read one person's thoughts (on hindsight) that really struck me. now that she is several years post D, she kicks herself for all the time and energy and emotions she "wasted" feeling depressed and woe is me. When things did NOT turn out to be so terrible afterall. And I think to myself "that is my NOW. I am doing the thing now that I could very well be kicking myself in the butt years later. So fucking snap out of it!" So the comedy show PLUS this section is putting me in a far better mood now than before when I was on my bed wishing this would all just go the F away. And reading some of the posts is finally making me even begin to ENTERTAIN the idea of at least telling ONE friend ( I haven't told a single fucking friend. Hence the enhanced isolation. But some posters said it helped, ONE gf with H mentioned that in telling people about it it helped her to accept it as people told her there was nothing wrong with her and most dudes didn't care what?! so now I'm at least entertaining the idea, and while my coping mechanism this past year has been ignore and not think about it (i don''t get OBs so it's easier) i now at least see that at SOME POINT (not NOW NOW but somepoint in the future) I could actually start coming out about it and from there, actually finally healing the stigma within me. But that said, I think i'm gonna go back to forgetting about dating for another several more months LOL cos at least I was pretty happy then. But at least I finally see this third way as POSSIBLE instead of just either denial or doom and gloom!
  3. i don't have any advice but just wanted to send my heartfelt sympathy for what you are going thru. this shit is so hard for all of us (i too have shit to deal with on top of the fucking H) and i am just grateful we have this community to see how we are SO not alone.
  4. this guy sounds absolutely fucking amazing. you are so lucky! i have heard of many stories of people accepting H disclosure pre sex, but to forgive you after unprotected sex and go on to love you the way he has...i do hope it can work out between the both of you. a guy friend i knew broke up with his gf because they "lost the love"..then reconnected and he came to the realization that the intial throes of passion fade, and it transforms into something that doesn't feel like love because it's not that intense passion, but is actually something deeper more comfortable and long lasting. he's been married to that same girl now for 10 years. and yes co-worker dating is terrible. if you disclose and he rejects you AND tells your other co-workers that would be horrible!! and if you really don't want this guy anymore pass him on to me!! LOL he sounds INCREDIBLE - to even tell you to not stay with him because of H ..he sounds very mature, and that he has YOUR best interests at heart.
  5. Hi, I am so sorry to hear you are going through all this! The suggestion I have is to sign up for the clinical trials of pritelivir, a new herpes drug currently in I think Phase 2 of testing that has already shown to be superior to Valtrex. Perhaps it can help you and you can get to use it before the years it's gonna take for the darn thing to come out to market!
  6. you are sooo lucky to have found a perfect guy who doesn't care. That's the worry that is ruining my mental health and happiness, if I will ever find someone. Tears are not outbreaks - i have a vagina that tears easily too, even pre-H. Try medicin mama's vmagic - lots of women have found it helps with delicate vulvar skin myself included!
  7. ahhhh thank you thank you thank you. i have gotten a relapse in my mental health cos of this stupid thing and found myself crawling back to this forum for some solace and saw your replies!!! THANK YOU!! I would like to get into the place of being happy and confident in disclosing too and have men still falling over their feet to be with me lol
  8. hi @alllgood thanks for your reply I am popping back into this forum after a hiatus where I just wanted to forget about this and live my life. Now that i've met a guy I like this nightmare is coming back and I felt like coming back again. almost a year later..it is definitely BETTER when I am not dating - many times I completely FORGET about it and even experience happiness again. But now that I've met someone I like...it's eating me again and and I feel upset that I may very well not pursue this relationship because I just don't want to have to deal with this shit. Yes if everyone with this could just donate to a gofundme to theravax or whatever we'd have millions of dollars! I am considering just being single until a cure comes out. i too pray for a vaccine/cure in the near future!!! that's kinda the one thing that gives me a bit of hope but gosh how many have already failed?! anyway it's been a long time since you posted this how are you feeling now? Just send me a PM cause I might miss your reply to this!
  9. Hi @LaurenElise I am popping back in after leaving the forums for a bit to forget about this condition - thank you so much for the reply I super appreciate it. I am tiptoeing back into the dating world and am reliving this nightmare all over again now that I have to actually think about it and it's making me want to go back to not dating. I Really really like your attitude about using this as a positive!!!
  10. Amazing thank you for the positive share!! it's true...if more people were tested and we all knew how common this really is it wouldn't have the terrible stigma it has. thank you for such a positive framing of this!!
  11. wow..I'm so touched to hear you come back every now and then to read my words..thank you for that acknowledgement. To know that my words can make even a bit of positive difference to someone else means so much to me.
  12. thank you for your compassion - and for sharing your feelings. Do have some compassion for yourself too 🙂 I am doing so much better now with regards to this, and life's way bigger challenges are now occupying my mind so much so that I don't even have much mental bandwidth to even think about this - I realize that there are much bigger things in life to focus our thoughts and energies on!
  13. I understand...heart hit the ground like pure gravity indeed. i had stomach palpitations (fear) for 2 days in a row. just being in total fear of my future life. I'm doing much better now a month in so I have faith you will get better too. As in some moments I actually feel - oh shit! I didn't think i could ever feel happy ever again but look here it is! 🙂 Sending you hope and soothing energy.
  14. oh i'm so glad to hear this thank you for sharing. I have shrink appt this week but i've been doing BETTER so i may not even need the anti depressants so that's good progress. glad u are doing so well after 6 weeks!!! and how suportive most have been!!! so so happy to hear that! this may not be as bad as i thought then..i just keep thinking EVERYONE is gonna bail!
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