flygal

What a great post! Lelani, you are so inspiring! I'm having some trouble dealing with the fact that I took that light, fun feeling about dating away from a lovely man. We were in the early stages of dating, things were definitely going to the place of disclosure, so I did it. Badly, might I add. I guess I just didn't think there were still people out there that had no idea about STDs. I should have been less fearful, and more loving. Bless his heart, he's fairly recently divorced, and the info I gave him scared him to death. That's not my baggage, but I still feel terrible for ruining his newly single idea of dating! I am a believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason, but sure wish I wasn't the one to "enlighten" him. Hopefully it prevents him from exposing himself to something way worse than H. Love the quote you gave us. It is so relevant to what we are living with! H is an opportunity and a lesson. Sounds like you are doing a great job of learning from it!

Here is a link to a study of transmission rates: http://forums.webmd.com/3/sexual-conditions-and-stds-exchange/resource/3 So, from this you can gather that you should avoid sexual activity during an occurrence, that the use of condoms and suppressants also lowers the risk even more. Take what OhHappyDay said into consideration. Years of having the skin condition, having children, and not having passed the condition on as hope! And speaking of re-framing your mindset. I wish you would think about changing your name to something more positive! Thoughts and words have power. Make them work for you. Glad you found us! You will get through this!

I have also had this for 20+ years. And I'll suggest to you something that I learned from this group. Try changing some words in your head. And by that I mean the ones you associate with HSV. First of all, change disease, or virus, or whatever negative term you have running around in your head to simply... skin condition. Because, that is all that it is. Try changing outbreak, or sores, or whatever negative thing you have in your head about that to.....occurrence. Because again, that is all that it is. Doing that created a mind shift for me. Revenant is absolutely right that it lessens over time. And keeping yourself healthy is key! Don't let the stress, occurrence, stress, occurrence cycle get you. And you are so not alone. My Dr. told me last week that 1 in 4 Americans has HSV-2. And that 85% of them don't know it. So when you feel bad and alone, just look at a group of people and start counting. 1,2,3,HSV....1,2,3,HSV. I know couples that have been together for years, one is positive, the other still negative and they have 20+ year old children. It can be done. Don't give up on that dream! Things will get better. I know that's hard to believe right now, but it will.

What great info. I hope they get that out soon. And the fact that it is for therapeutic treatment is amazing! My jaw dropped when I read that. Thanks so much for posting.

Yes honey, things do get better. Peace is something you have to find within yourself. HSV-2 doesn't define you, unless you let it. Who were you before HSV-2? You're the same person. Whatever happens with your relationship, please don't let your status be part of it. And speaking of going and experiencing the world, now you have a reason to not go running blindly into that. Go bravely, and responsibly into your experiences!

I've been living with HSV-2 for over 20 years. I contracted it along with HPV from a guy I I was dating in college. That being said, I've been asymptomatic for years, but that does not exclude me from the disclosure talk. I've just recently had a very bad experience disclosing to a frightfully uneducated potential partner. It totally sucks to be rejected, but please always remember, they reject the HSV-2, and not you. I'm looking for buddies in any age range, any gender. I would be more than happy to mentor anyone, but would really love a woman in their 40s to help each other over this particular challenge.