ShaeShae

@inka where do you wish to go? I would love to go to Italy!

Defender! Centipede! Joust! Asteroids!

Hi John. Keep breathing. I'm only breathing right now through the unconditional support I have received from my new friends here in the forums. I am learning to hope again, even on the days when all seems lost. You are NOT alone.

I love Zelda lol

Hindsight is definitely 20/20 lol. I can think of a hundred other biting remarks I could have come up with :)

@inka - Truly insensitive and hurtful. And made more shocking by how attentive and real he was leading up to that moment. Made it all the more devastating because of that. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I feel better every day that I am here on the forum.

@hawazin, I would give it a few months. Easier said than done, I know, but maybe she just does need time. I would give it a shot, because you never know until you try. Practice patience and take the time to work on yourself, activities that are healthy and diverting for you. Be the best 'you' that you can be. Then try again with a clear head and an open heart. There is no promise that it will work but then you can say you tried, if it doesn't work after that, that's on her then, not you. @E9507 I was with him for several months. We had reached the point where intimacy was becoming an issue, wanting to take it to that next level.

That definitely puts a different spin on things. It appears you are not exactly in the same boat as me. . . It's certainly a delicate situation to be sure. Have you spoken to her at all recently or has it been 'radio silence'?

Let me be the first to say how very sorry I am to hear that. I was recently dumped after coming clean. He left me with the statement: "I cannot possibly bear the thought of having a disgusting sore like that on my face, let alone on my junk". . . Which, naturally, destroyed me. To him I said: "You're not a man, you're a coward". And it's true. You and I have quite unfortunately been judged by our partner's eyes, not their hearts. And just like I am holding onto to hope by a thread that there is a real man in this world, willing to take me on, you too must hope that there is a true woman, worthy of everything you have to offer. Because the rest of them are shallow fools. I keep hoping, even when my hope feels utterly pointless. I hope anyway. If you need anybody to talk to, I'm here. I'm still new at this too but I can lend an "ear".

I really would love to upgrade to a Wii just so I can download all the classics on it. Had a Nintendo 64 up until recently when my ex stole it. Grrrrrr......

I still play Super Nintendo sometimes! :)

@Who. . . Have you ever heard Iron &Wine? Right in the neighborhood of Bon Iver. And the guy has a killer beard! I'm a sucker for a beard haha

I love City and Colour :)

I am 29. I am from Oregon. I have known about my H for only a few months now. I like Radiohead too! But I really love Ray LaMontagne, Bon Iver and Joshua Radin. Among many others. I hope to go back to college soon.

Hi all, So I was rejected not that long ago for having H and it hit me really hard. So hard in fact that it caused my first ever outbreak. It was thankfully very mild and a mere nuicanse which gives me hope that that's the worst they'll ever be. Every day is a still roller coaster of emotions though. The fear and self-loathing still comes in waves. I have made the decision to start dating again, to try my hardest to not give in to the self-pity though! I am going on my second date tonight with a really nice man. There's a problem though. I can't get my god damned H out of my head whenever I'm around him!! It is so frustrating!! I've technically seen him twice already, our first date was dinner then the next day he joined me on my evening walk spontaneously. He is so handsome and smart and makes me laugh. And I cannot bear the thought of him walking away. I look at him and my mind is instantly clouded by "when do I tell him?" Or "I can't ever tell him, I'll just reach the point where I should tell him and then I'll walk away rather than endure the shame of another rejection" and better still "Why do I even bother with this torture? What kind of person am I to even ask another person to share in this burden?" I am terrified of spending the rest of my life alone. Because I've always known I want a partner and a family for this journey called "life". I am a sharing and giving person, but absolutely not like this! I don't want to lose this guy when it seems so promising! I am crying as I write this, filled with an impossible combination of longing and paralyzing fear. I just want to be normal again! And to have the courage to tell him, even if he may walk away. But once for me was truly enough. I have spent my whole life being rejected by many people, even at times my own family, because I'm already a "black sheep". And I still don't handle it well. So where's the balance? How can I do this and survive? When is enough enough? I don't know how to do this.

I'm in the same boat. Still dealing with the emotional roller coaster weeks later. It was my first disclosure since finding out I have it. I feel like a pile of filth even still. Does it ever get better? Can I ever disclose again? I don't know if I can expose such a vulnerable part of myself ever again if all it is going to get me is rejected. Today was not a good day for me. All day the words "I wish I didn't have this, I wish I could be normal" have been cycling through my head over and over again. I want to be normal again. The only advice I can give you right now is this: find somebody to talk to. An objective, unbiased listener. I have entered counseling since being rejected, in hopes that I can feel even the slightest bit less shame. I would look into it if I were you.

Thank you for making me smile today.

Just checked the first link. I actually already started using Desitin yesterday and oh what a relief it is! That's a great tip!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I experienced this just last week. I woke up from a pretty normal, restful night of sleep and went to work like I always do. But something was different that day. It was that sort of "tight" feeling like there's a rubber band squeezing your heart/chest all day and you can't take a deep breath. I couldn't take a deep breath all day and it didn't feel like my heart was beating so much as it was "dancing" on top of my stomach which made me nauseous. I was completely scatter brained all day. Could not put my finger on why ever. Still cant.

Hi all, Sooooo, I think I may be having my very first outbreak but I'm not sure. I was diagnosed with a blood test. It just doesn't seem like what I would have thought since I think of "herpes", I think of "blisters" right away. But that's not what's going on and I can't get any definitive information from the Internet (surprise, surprise). I figured I'd reach out here before bothering my doctor and having to come up with a co-pay. . . . It started about 3 days ago with a general itchy and sore feeling "down there". I now have 3 very small red sores near my anus but no blisters. They feel raw and tender. I have been monitoring with a mirror twice daily. I checked just now and my inner labia are pretty swollen and red now. Aching too. Is this normal? I'm sorry for the TMI I but I know there will be no judgement. Help?!?!

Thanks everybody. I know that right now I am feeling completely humiliated and defeated. And I know I would never wish this on another person, but thank you @kdavis for letting me know I am not alone in this. I am very leery about ever opening up and disclosing to a potential partner again. I am definitely afraid of being rejected again because I don't know how many times I can take that. Once was definitely enough. Not that I would keep it from any potentials, but I just wouldn't find any potentials. I don't know. My head is certainly pretty messed up right now.

Hi all, I'm still really new to this. Only about 2 months post-diagnosis. For one thing it's still hard to accept my diagnosis, having never experienced symptoms of either hsv 1 or 2. But anyway. . . . The day after finding out about H, I came clean to the guy I was seeing. He was cool at first, but then let Google freak him out for a solid week or so. But he came back around after we were able to talk about the actual realities, based on some very credible information that my doc gave me. But. . . . 2 months later, he let it get to him and I have now been rejected. The first time I have opened up to a potential intimate partner about this and I have been rejected! It took every ounce of courage I possess to tell him that and I have been thrown away because of it. Thrown away and refused as dirty and untouchable. It has brought on whole new levels of shame that I cannot put into words. I do not know if I have the courage to try again with anybody. I cannot face another rejection.

Hi all, I'm still really new to this. Only about 2 months post-diagnosis. For one thing it's still hard to accept my diagnosis, having never experienced symptoms of either hsv 1 or 2. But anyway. . . . The day after finding out about H, I came clean to the guy I was seeing. He was cool at first, but then let Google freak him out for a solid week or so. But he came back around after we were able to talk about the actual realities, based on some very credible information that my doc gave me. But. . . . 2 months later, he let it get to him and I have now been rejected. The first time I have opened up to a potential intimate partner about this and I have been rejected! It took every ounce of courage I possess to tell him that and I have been thrown away because of it. Thrown away and refused as dirty and untouchable. It has brought on whole new levels of shame that I cannot put into words. I do not know if I have the courage to try again with anybody. I cannot face another rejection.

Went to my doc last week, dealing with pretty typical issues stemming from ovarian cysts. We decided I was due for a thorough workup including STD screen. I expected nothing would come of it so I am still in shock that my doctor called me 3 days ago to let me know I am positive for both HSV 1 and 2. It keeps sinking in over and over again. I have not been able to sleep since then and I am not even scraping by at work. I got up and walked out this morning, I was so unable to cope. I am so in shock because I have NEVER had symptoms!!! I am so scared about what all of this means. I am currently in the early stages of seeing somebody, very new, we have not been intimate yet. I was immediately upfront and honest with him. Told him in person the day after I found out. He was so understanding at first but after spending the next day being overloaded with too much information from the damn internet, he is now unsure, and I am not educated enough to convince him otherwise, being completely in the dark. I may lose him if we cannot reach an understanding. I feel so many things right now: Filthy, ashamed, guilty, dirty, untouchable, unlovable, lost, uneducated. . . I feel like some kind of whore trash is what I feel like. I want a do-over! I am burying myself in shame and I cannot get out.