jl13

I felt the exact same way you did when I was first diagnosed. I couldn't imagine anyone wanting to take the risk. It took me a while to even want to start dating again. I have been lucky and disclosed to two guys without rejection. The first one I knew wasn't going to turn into a relationship, so I didn't have much attached to the situation besides not wanting him to judge me since we did have a history. He was ok with it and we slept together a handful more of times. The other guy I was much more nervous to tell because I had feelings for him. He was also ok with it. I did wait like 2 months to tell him. We've been seeing each other for a few months now and he's never brought it up. I also pushed people away that were interested in me that I had mutual friends with bc I didn't want to risk them telling people. So I get that. I don't think it's dramatic haha but hey, maybe I'm dramatic too! :) The moral of the story is, one rejection won't dictate the future. I was SURE both guys would be like uh no thanks, you can leave. I had all of the same thoughts you had. I tried the dating apps for people with HSV 2, but found there wasn't much out there. So it can happen, even though it feels like it won't!

Ok, thank you! I'm hoping it just came up after or isn't related to H. Fingers crossed.

I'm wondering what the risk is of spreading HSV 2 if you are having an outbreak. I have been seeing someone for a few months now and he knows my status. He sometimes chooses not to wear a condom. I found a small bump the other night on my butt after we had sex without a condom. I always check before I have sex and I'm worried I missed this and had it during sex. It's super tiny and not open or anything, but I'm pretty sure it's still from H. I take a daily suppressive and lysine. What are the chances of it being spread given that I missed the bump beforehand?

I didn't have any outbreaks my first year and then a few around my period my 2nd year and I had my first bad outbreak since my initial one this year (I was diagnosed 2.5 years ago). H is just a tricky thing. It does what it wants. I also get the left leg pain. I think its a swollen lymph node. It does start to hurt when I am stressed or if I've been working out a lot. It's definitely easy to obsess over. As for valtrex...my doctor said to take 2 500mg pills a day during an outbreak. For maybe 5-10 days? For my first OB, it made the pain go away, but the spot was still there till it healed over. I was told to take 500mg 1x a day if I was just using it as a suppressive. How that helps!

I think it depends person to person to be honest and there really isn't a right answer to the "when should I disclose" question. I have been hanging out consistently with someone for about 3 or 4 months, but we've known each other for a few years now. He kept trying to take it to the next level and I would say "not tonight" or it just honestly wasn't a good time. I disclosed last week and he was ok with it. I think you need to decide when is right for you. I totally agree about wanting to get to know someone before telling them. I personally think you need to decide if the other person is worth it. Might sting a little more if it doesn't go well, but I think you need to get to know each other. I don't get the betrayed thing either. If you didn't sleep with him without telling him, then you definitely didn't betray him. I would say read as much as you can on H and be able to answer most questions someone might have. Could put their mind at ease initially than possibly going home and looking up worst case scenarios. But I don't think you waited too long and I don't think you betrayed him at all. If you are confused on what he wants from you, ask him. What else do you have to lose? Right?

Don't lose hope! I was diagnosed in Sept. of 2014. I was 28. I also stopped dating and thought my dating life was over. It took a while to tell my friends about it, but I'm glad I have. Made me feel like I'm the same person as I was before. It also helps to have someone to talk to about possibly disclosing to someone. While none of my friends have H, they know other people that do and that also made me feel like I wasn't so alone. My sister even connected her friend with me since she had been recently diagnosed too. That helped a lot. Anyways, I've been very cautious telling guys I like about it. I've told 2 and both have been ok with it. I knew a relationship wasn't going to come from the first guy regardless of H or not, so that made it a little easier, but I was still super nervous. I disclosed to him about 6 months after being diagnosed. I just disclosed to the other one last week. His response was, "Ok, so does this mean you can stop being awkward around me now :) ." He could tell I was worried and made jokes to try to make me smile. I was convinced both would freak and wouldn't want to see me again, but that wasn't the case. I'm sure I'll run into that situation, but the point is, you will have the positive reactions too. Even if you are dead convinced it's going to be terrible. Try to remember that if you don't get the reaction you hoped for. Just because he doesn't want to dive all in, which would be his loss, it doesn't mean the next one won't! :)

I thought I had read that if you have one, it does lessen the other, but I could be wrong, so don't quote me on that. I can say that I have mild/no symptoms for my hsv 2, but I don't have hsv 1. I think it just affects everyone differently.

I was taking it pretty regularly bc earlier in the year I was getting a very small OB once a month. And once I started taking them, they stopped. I am prescribed them as needed though. I was also sleeping with someone every so often, so I was taking them daily for extra protection. I haven't been on them for a few weeks and I actually have been feeling pretty good. But I guess as a side note, I've had hsv2 for 2 years with no OBs the first year and then had those small ones the beginning of the 2nd year. But I've felt less symptom-y since stopping them. Hope that helps!

It took me a while to get back into even wanting to date. I also had the same views. Who is going to want me? Who is going to be willing to take the risk? I've slept with 2 people since being diagnosed. One I knew had H already, so we already knew each other's status and the other one I told him and he didn't care. I've slept with him a few times since telling him. And as far as I know, he doesn't have H. I don't think I did a good job explaining to him. Like I fumbled over my words and I was awkward haha but he was just like ok. I'm 30 and I've dated guys since, but honestly, life has gotten in the way before I've ever had to disclose. I do have someone from high school interested in hanging out again, and that makes me nervous bc if it gets to that point, I don't know if I'd want to disclose bc we have mutual friends. So I know where you are coming from. But I also don't want to let it stop something from potentially developing. But as much as it sucks and as much as there is a stigma to genital herpes, it's the same as oral herpes. My understanding is that the main difference is where it lives in your body - at the top or bottom of your spine. So, you get cold sores, you just get them down there. There isn't a stigma with cold sores. Cold sores on someones mouth don't really deter people from dating someone. So why should cold sores down there? Mainly bc of the stigma and people being uneducated about it. But to answer your questions - some days it's hard to stay optimistic. Other days it's better. Herpes doesn't change who you are. I still think I'm just as hilarious as I was before and that I have the same awesome qualities to bring to the table. But rejection sucks. Big time. Especially over something you can't change. But H doesn't define you. And you do not have to only date people who are also positive. It's scary to think about telling someone you have feelings for. But you'll realize they weren't right for you anyways. Just research what you can and don't make it a big deal. Because it's not. I know it feels like it is, but it's not. And I still have trouble with that too, so I know it's easier to say that. So just know what you have to offer and how awesome you are, and focus on that. That will help you build your confidence back up. Hope this rambling mess helped some! :)

Ok, thanks! That's what I figured, so good to know for sure! :)

Does anyone know how long antivirals take to work? I'm not in a relationship, but do hang out with a "friend" every once in a while. He knows about me having H. But do you need the antivirals in your system for a while to be most effective? We hang out once in a blue moon. If I know we are going to hang out, I take the meds. But I just didn't know if they were just as effective the first day of taking them vs taking them for a few days to build up in your system. Hopefully this mess of a question makes sense! Thanks!

So I've had H for about 2 years now. It does get easier! Especially when you accept that you can't change your situation and you see it for what it is. A skin condition. And yes, much easier to say that to do. I've tried to wish it away. It didn't work. I tried to pretend I didn't have it. I do. It was making me miserable. Will it suck at times? Sure. But you are still the same person. And honestly, telling my closest friends I have H is what made me realize that the most. Listening to people talk about H is definitely hard. But the majority of those people know nothing about it. Or what they do know is wrong. I love my friends, but they are very judgmental. I never planned to tell them. But I knew I would need to tell some of them bc I would need them one day if I was ever rejected by someone bc of H. My first friend I told had a not so great reaction. She said "doesn't it suck you can't have sex anymore:" Uh well it would if that were true. And then I asked her what she knew about it. It was all what she saw in the media or general things that just weren't true. So I told her about it. I found that to be true with the majority of my other friends too. They knew nothing about it. But they knew who I was. And it didn't change their opinion of me at all. And I was able to educate them on it. They asked questions and I answered them. They still try to set me up with people they know, which tells me they don't see me any differently than they did before. But before I told them, I'd have to listen to H jokes or try to laugh through ones in movies or on tv, and it sucks. But now I can actually laugh off some of them or even make jokes myself with them. Telling my friends also had some of them tell me about other people they knew that had H, so I didn't feel as alone. Now don't get me wrong, it took a year and a half to tell most of them. I wasn't ready to tell some of them until then. And that's ok! You can take your time telling them, if you even want to tell any of them. But it made having H easier for me and I was able to educate them on something they didn't know much about. But you have to do whats comfortable for you! :)

Oh for sure! I check every time I feel tingling or itching. I think it's going to turn into an OB every time. It never really has, but I still check!

I haven't heard of betadine. I'll have to look into that. I'll put melaluca on mine (tea tree oil) and that helps a lot. I get the tingling around my period too but the past few months I also got a little bump. Haha my first OB was, what I thought, a pimple on my butt, so I know what you mean! The past few months, they've been in a different spot than my original OB. So who knows. I just treat them like outbreaks. I'll look into that betadine. I have found that a lot of things people say are triggers aren't for me though. Like stress and chocolate and up until recently my period and so on, so it's different for everyone. Basically, H is a jerk and does what it wants. But you'll get a handle on it all!

I have trouble sometimes too. Sometimes I get a little bump that doesn't follow the stages of H - the opening and scabbing and all that. It's just a little bump and then goes away in like a day or two. Super confusing and frustrating but I figured out that it usually happens around my period, which I know can be a trigger. H is tricky and annoying at times. I know it seems like you won't get use to it, but it will get better. I still think about it a lot and check for outbreaks all the time, but waayyyy less than I use to. You'll figure out what works for you. I decided to take the meds a few days before my period this month and during it, and no little bump. Take it one day at a time! It gets easier!