Elise1977

Gauley! Lots of my friends kayak the Gauley and the New River, which are relatively close to where I live. I've never done it though.

Got a text from him this morning:"Woke up this morning, still love you." And I bawled. An all-out, sobbing, ugly cry - and my dog came and lapped up the tears right off my face. I am doing a little better this morning, but still struggling with the idea of how I will forgive myself if I ever infect him. How can I do that to someone I love? How do you get over the guilt? I mentioned last night that I was tempted to remove myself from the equation so that he didn't have to make a choice, but that seemed to really upset him. Do you ever wonder that your partner is just a little less happy than they would be if you weren't around? The idea of causing him pain makes me nauseous.

I believe so.I suppose he could change his mind about sticking around if he ends up negative. Mostly I'm just grateful he didn't make me feel like a pariah. I'm sure for his own peace of mind he'll want to know. The best thing he said to me was "It could have just as easily been me."

Jeez! I just Google image searched "INTERTRIGO". Mine is nowhere near as bad as any of those pictures. Just a little red and irritated. My understanding is that herpes go haywire with steroid treatment, so I'd assume the fact that it goes away with hydrocortisone for me would be indicative of my irritation being the intertrigo and not related to herpes. Luckily it doesn't make my toes bleed like it did in grade school!

It's a little complicated. I have intertrigo, which I've had since I was a child. If I sweat too much or wear tight clothes or don't properly dry off, I get very inflamed, sore skin. One of the common places to get intertrigo is in genital folds. I know what that feels like. It goes away if I shower and air dry or use cortisone. I also get it under my breasts and behind my right ear. It's the only kind of symptom in the genital region I've ever had, and it's been diagnosed by several doctors. Otherwise, nothing. No burning or throbbing or aching. Either way, I started antivirals, so hopefully that will help reduce asymptomatic shedding. Our talk went ok. I was a mess. He felt bad for me and said the right things. I made him promise to research and think about what it means, since herpes is forever. He said he'd think about it, but that his inclination is that nothing has changed. He loves me for the person I am, and that unless this drastically changes who I am, he can't see himself going anywhere. He did say that if I gave him the herp I have no choice but to marry him...which I'm pretty sure was an attempt to lighten the mood but it kinda made me feel bad. I gotta work on not being so sensitive. But, its only been three days. He did hold me, kiss me and we were intimate without PIV sex. It made me feel a little better that he still thinks I'm sexually attractive. At least I can breathe tonight. I did what I had to do. Ball is in his court.

I am devastated. I was recently diagnosed as HSV2+ with an IgG >5. I have been dating a man for almost six months and decided to get a full STD panel for peace of mind. I had an HIV test last year, but I guess because I've never had a single symptom, I was never tested for HSV. I am not sure if he has ever been tested for HSV, so I suppose it's possible he has it, but I just have this gut feeling that I got it from my ex of ten years who cheated on me numerous times. Because HSV has been a non-issue for me, healthwise (assuming I've had it for awhile) I am not so upset about the diagnosis itself as I am about the fact that this man may decide he can't handle the risk and will leave me. I am also terrified at the thought of infecting him. I do not doubt that he loves me, but he's sort of...anxious when it comes to illnesses. I can see this affecting him in a way that makes his life miserable - constantly worrying about being infected, even if he doesn't want to be worried. I don't want to do that to him. While I've seen him since I got my diagnosis, I haven't had the opportunity to tell him (one night his mom was in town, the next night he was on his way to a party with friends), but we haven't been sexually active since I learned. I want to give him that choice. I know that there is already a good risk of infection given that we were very, very active with each other since March, often without protection as we'd both been HIV tested and never had any HSV symptoms. FWIW, we are both "older", as in late 30s, early 40s, and we both did our share of sowing wild oats in our younger years. I'm hopeful that the fact that we've talked about our relationship being long-term and serious (as in marriage level serious) prior to this diagnosis will mean he's willing to stick around, but I am bracing myself to have my heart broken. It will be a heartbreak of epic proportions for me, and it will take me a long time to get over if it comes to that - but I can't change anything. I can't make him take that risk. I'd rather he move on now than stay with me out of pity or obligation if he's going to be afraid to touch me or constantly worried and break my heart further down the road. I don't feel like a different person today. I feel scared, and lonely, and worried about my future prospects, but I'm grateful I don't have a more complicated or life-threatening illness. I'm grateful there is a community of people to turn to who know what I am feeling. I'm grateful I'm alive, and that I have friends. I'm trying to sort through all of this, and believe me I am breaking down in tears about once every thirty minutes, but I can see a light out there somewhere.