Bluebetty

But it is giving an excuse, because I do want to have sex and it's very tempting, I just have to be diplomatic and get out of the conversation.

Exactly, people are playing Russian roulette every time they have unprotected sex with a person who they don't know the STI status of. At least those of us who know we are infected are playing safe, which those who are unaware are not.

No, no... What I was saying was, I would rather let the person have the impression in their mind that I was not interested, rather than tell people that I am infected with a disease as the reason why I am not able to have sex. The guy I was with when I got my test results, after I told him I was positive, he got freaked out and ran out the door and hasn't contacted me since. I don't want to experience that again.

I wish I could "like" your comments like on Facebook. Thank you. I feel like it's nobody's business if I have herpes. I guess just letting them know I'm not interested with no reason given is ok. Now, if it's someone I'm spending time with socially and it starts getting to that point, then I would have to tell.

You can't give it to someone else! Especially basically telling them it's going to happen to them by announcing it up front instead of leaving it to chance.

What can you say to them? This person is really wanting to have sex and I'm sitting here locked in my prison. Of course, accepting an invitation like that is what got me here. Do you just say, "I'm sorry, I'm married" or what.

If it's such a no big deal isn't it better just to take Valtrex, insist on using condoms and put it out of your mind completely? I mean, how could you possibly say to a person, "I have herpes, now let's have sex (and you might get it)"? It's a nightmare.

I just don't think you can ask someone to risk getting infected with a life altering disease. Many people have died doing something where they thought that would not be the outcome. If I knew the person I wanted to have sex with had herpes and I didn't have it, no way would I expose myself to that. That was the reaction of the person I was with when I found out. I haven't heard a word from him since. It isn't rejection, it's him having good sense (although he's still taking unknown risks with other people). I understand the policy here, but I also think this shouldn't be a "death" sentence for people's social lives and that anyone having casual sex should know what the consequences could be and blame no one but themselves if they catch it.

@Thumper - I can empathize. I feel like a lot of people make lite of having this and say you can still have a great life and everything but I don't see it. I don't feel as if I'm being rejected by men, I understand completely that a sane person would not knowingly take the risk of contracting this. But living alone and sleeping alone do suck. There is no way around the fact that the risk can't be 0 therefore we are "wrong" for taking our Valtrex and going on with life just the way it was before this happened (pretending we don't have it). Yes, it's bad when someone is so ignorant they act like they might get it from touching you but then those people probably have other "issues" too. All we can do is wait for the cure which I believe we will have within 5 years or so.

Having to sleep alone every night is pretty awful. When I'm feeling bad I look at people who have had arms and legs amputated or are bound to a wheel chair or have terminal cancer, then I focus on how fortunate I am that at least I can do something to make a difference in the world. But I get lots of inquiries about dating me from nice men and it REALLY sucks.

I believe everything will have a cure in the next decade or so. We are living in miraculous times. I did have to "put my life on hold" because there is no way I can assure someone there is no risk. People who do not already have this should not knowingly take the risk. Here is some new research going on that sounds promising. It involves attacking the virus through a lesion though, I wonder how it would work with an asymptomatic person.

I am in denial. I don't want to think about it.

I subscribed to Positive Singles and I was just grossed out. I don't want to have sex with someone who has herpes! lol

Interesting. I've been thinking this very kind of thought @Bambina3. What about HSV1, nobody ever thinks of disclosing that. What about HPV? I've probably got several strains but never thought it was any big deal. With antivirals and a condom and avoiding contact if there are any symptoms, there is at least a 99% chance they won't get it. I don't understand how someone could have sex with someone they know could infect them with a dreaded disease. Seems like it would cause an anxiety disorder. Otherwise, if you're going to let them know, just spit it out, "I carry the HSV2 virus which causes herpes" and let them tell you what they think. Another thing - I know this is very "woo woo", but from a metaphysical standpoint- a person who contracts herpes was unconsciously attracting that experience, vibrating at the right frequency to receive it. If they don't get it from you they'll get it from someone. If they are not meant to get it, it won't happen. I know this is how it happened to me. Louise Hay mentions it in her book "You Can Heal Your Life".

I know people with this (namely the person who infected me) who think it really is no big deal and therefore no reason to tell anyone. Same with most people with HSV1. I wish the world would just get over it, as long as you are healthy it really causes very little or no symptoms. And I've talked with lots of people who had a partner with it and never caught it. It's the fear of infecting other people that is the problem. But I recently told someone and he ran away acting like he might get it from touching me. lol

If you would lose somebody as a friend, then that means they only wanted you for sex. In that case they weren't good enough for you to waste your time being nice to. They can get a prostitute. How funny that they might get it from a prostitute as well. But I consider myself damaged and no way to change that. I could not let someone take the risk. If I started going out with someone and things got to that point, I would just say "I can't have sex" and they would say "why?" and I would tell them. There is no getting around it. I don't consider someone "brave" or "noble" or "a good person" for being willing to risk getting into this prison just for a few minutes of a good time.

Yes, and the scary thing is, I read that is isn't that you are shedding some days and some days not, but shedding intermittently around the clock so you could be "not shedding" at the moment they happened to test you, but shedding later that same day. This is why I choose to be on Valtrex even without breakouts.

I would think you are not very infectious. I do wish they would come up with an inexpensive home test for shedding so you know at the moment if you are unsafe.

True, the thing itself isn't bad, especially if you have no symptoms, it's the fear of getting it, and not being able to ever have a normal sex life again that is the issue.

I was thinking a lot of transmissions occur right after the person has been infected before they even know it, as during the first year the virus is sort of rampant in the body as the body works to create antibodies. (I was hoping to find a study that showed that people with old infections and high antibody levels are not as dangerous to those who aren't infected yet). And most people don't have symptoms. I think it's common because there are a lot of people having a lot of sex! :)

Well, here is one article: http://jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/203/2/180.full What it's saying is that although the rate of shedding (% of days on which shedding occurs) goes down over time, the amount of shedding when shedding does occur doesn't decrease by that much over time.

So just confirming, a guy putting his hand on his penis directly after having his fingers in your vagina is really a long shot, he pretty much has to have penile-vaginal intercourse with you to contract the virus, right?

So, it's pretty safe to say that HSV2 is spread almost exclusively through intercourse (and rarely from oral sex where the receiver is shedding HSV2) correct? So grateful for the experts on this forum helping reassure those of us who are freaking out that we will never again experience human contact!

Of course no one would do that if they had a way to realize it! But in the real world, it is highly likely that during sex a guy might take his fingers out of a wet vagina and put the same hand on his penis unless you were vigilant enough to make sure it never happens inadvertently. So if the virus can only live outside the body for 10 seconds how does asymptomatic transmission from male to female happen?

Yes, I think that's the concern! What if he puts his fingers inside you then touches his penis directly - any info on that? (obviously you wouldn't be doing that if you *knew* there was one but there could be one on the inside you are unaware of).