Bluebetty

That's my hope, that the next person I like will say, "Me too!". :)

I agree! I was just thinking the same thing, I assumed the person I was with didn't have anything which was majorly naive on my part, but now I think, boy, I'm glad I already had to deal with it and know better instead of it (or something else/worse) happening in the future.

Actually if a person is in good health it seems to me that getting bad symptoms is rare, that in most cases they are pretty mild and don't last long (after the initial attack). So the concern really is, yes, impaired quality of life - not because of stigmatization but because no one wants to have to live dealing with this and not being able to have a normal sex life.

Here's the website, looks like a great resource https://www.westoverheights.com/

@Optimist: Although I am negative for HSV1 I haven't been able to confirm that there is no way someone could get it from kissing me (although they assure me it's "Very rare"). It isn't symptoms that compromise your quality of life (although sure, getting symptoms would suck), it is being a carrier of an incurable virus (which could cause symptoms) -either HSV1 OR 2. Your quality of life is compromised in BOTH ways, by having to refrain from doing anything that may transmit it, AND, wishing you could have sex with someone you feel attracted to and having to tell them you can't. It's horrifying. But, again, it's not about feeling stigmatized, it's about not being able to live normally. If someone said to me, "hey, yeah, I'll risk getting that" I would be compelled to protect them from their naivety! lol Maybe it's the way I look at things, for example I would not feel any negative judgement towards a person who was a prostitute, a drug addict, is HIV positive etc. I don't take other people's "judgements" personally. So maybe I just don't belong on this thread.

Thanks for the stats. I am in that same group. I really think the issue isn't "stigma", it's that no one wants to get this, and I wouldn't want anyone to take that risk with me. Thus the feeling of being in a prison.

So, they say the risk of transmission from female to male is 4% (assuming avoiding sex if there are symptoms), 2% with condom, 1% with condom + suppressive therapy. But has anyone seen a study where they compared the frequency of transmission during, say, the first year after being infected versus infected for more than a year once there are high levels of antibodies built up? That would be useful to know.

I think it's called postherpetic neuralgia.

@DarkManX I think it's just that it's *easier* for women to get it because the wet inside of the vagina is more hospitable for the virus to jump into.

@Turquoise621 you did absolutely perfect, I promise! Good for you, celebrate that it's over and done with. If you lose his friendship then he was never actually a friend. It's NOT YOUR FAULT!

I don't understand how anyone can knowingly take the risk to live in this prison. Statistically, only about 1 in 5 people has it I think. The thing to do probably is join groups of other positive singles. Then you never have the experience of someone looking horrified and running away and giving you the brushoff.

I'm sorry @November0001, I know what you're going through!

Sure, but he knew he had it, who gave it to him and everything. His motto is, "first time condom, second time condom maybe, third time- condom? NO!" He said this in front of a group and laughed. Even with a condom you can get it, so I don't think any sex is safe.

Yes, terrified. I know the chances would be .001% or something. I've never had anything resembling a fever blister or cold sore on my mouth and tested neg for HSV1, but I do have acne pimples sometimes right beside my lips - what if I touched my mouth at some point and it's just asymptomatic? As I said, being told it is very, very rare isn't much comfort.

@optimist Well there is that hope that the person got scared and will be more careful in the future but I see where you are coming from, there are some people who just have a death wish and are fine with keep playing Russian roulet, but if someone tells them they have something, they will run! But in my mind, I would NEVER invite anyone to take the risk of contracting HSV by comparing it to the risk of dying in a car accident or something. If the risk is >0, then they shouldn't do it.

I confronted the person who I thought gave it to me and he confessed that he knew he had it but didn't see a reason to disclose because it's "common" and the symptoms aren't anything serious. And he's gone on to give it to someone else. How does a person do that?

I understand. But "rare" or "uncommon" is no comfort for someone who prefers not to take the risk of getting the virus. Thank you for your information.

Leep I feel for you. There is nothing that makes this better. There is no way you can want someone else to be willing to take any risk getting this. And unfortunately the risk is never 0. You just have to find a way to have peace with it. Just think if you fell in love with someone who is married... You just have to live with it. I've researched herpes a lot in the past couple of weeks and there is just no way around it. You have to tell the person and be ready to accept never seeing or hearing from them again.

True - at least telling someone, and telling them that it is common and most people don't even know they have it - will wake them up to the fact that if they are having lots of casual partners they are putting themselves at risk. Even if no one is willing to take the risk, at least you contributed to educating people.

Well, in that case, it sounds like it is not safe having any kind of contact with anybody. Because how do I know I didn't touch my mouth and just don't have symptoms? I think I'm just going to not worry about this.

I mean HSV2 genitally. It lives in the lower spine. HSV2 oral lives in nerves in that region of the body. Is it in any way possible to be infected in both places or have the virus travel from the lower spine up to the mouth area and infect from there. I know, it sounds like a crazy idea but I haven't seen it specifically ruled out.

Thank goodness!

MMissouri, I would like to know why you believe that? I hope my question was clear, that I ONLY have HSV2 genitally. Can I still kiss or do I need to just kill myself? lol

Thank God, I thought maybe it was never safe to even kiss someone, even though the risk may only be only <.001. Thank you!

People who "make fun" of herpes are not mature and I don't know who would want to be around them anyway. I would not take any joke personally, as it is them making an ass of themselves and has nothing to do with me. I think the real concern is being afraid of not being able to find anyone to have sex with because the risk can never be 0.