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Thanks Beckie :) I realize that I am completely blocking my chances of meeting someone, because there are some things that I need to sort out. I will definitely consider a Skype session :) Thanks Brenda-you always say just the right thing to make me feel even just a bit better on my worst days :) You guys are seriously the best! Thanks for everything

Before all this, I dreamed of getting married and having a big family. But now I question myself and that happening. I think I need to remember that there are good people out there who are accepting of this. Maybe because of something they or a friend has gone through, or just because they have an open mind. I'd like to think that before this all happened to me, that I would give someone else dealing with H a chance. I feel that if you really like someone-black, white, male, female, or even someone with H-that you can't help it. If you like someone, you like someone. So hopefully someone down the road will feel the same towards me and see that me having H is just a minor inconvenience at times but that we will get through it and that it doesn't take away from me being a great person. I think that before I can get to the point of sharing myself with someone, I need to get back to loving myself and being okay with everything that's happened. I truly think that talking to a therapist about all this, to be okay with talking about it out loud instead of over the internet ;) , will be a huge part of my healing. It's just that getting an appointment is a lot harder that I thought.

I enjoyed reading this thread. I can relate to a lot of it. I saw that you guys read some good books and I'm in need of a new summer read. Can you recommend anything inspiring/uplifting for me by those authors or anyone else?

Thank you Brenda :) What is the opportunity you found in having H? What good has come out of it for you?

I never thought about it that way..to blame the reason I won't find someone on herpes, when either way, I still may or may not meet some one. I guess I just feel that I had an ok chance before H to meet someone, but now that I have it, it's way down. But I'm very lucky to have found such a great support group and that my sister is very supportive and doesn't get sick of my roller coaster of emotions. She says that I'm doing really well considering what's going on and that it's only been 2 months. I think that when I feel like crap, I need to get out and go for a nice long walk. Whenever I'm feeling down and I go for a walk, I feel ten times better when I get back. It's a natural high :) But I think that allowing myself to be ok with feeling a certain way, without judgment, is a really hard concept for me to understand. When I'm sad, I'm sad and I have all the shame towards myself and the night that I got H. I keep telling myself, "that's not who i am. I'm not pure anymore. I made a huge mistake. I betrayed myself and my friends..." the list goes on. I just don't know how to be ok with my thoughts and the things I'm feeling. I know that it's ok to be sad, but I just can't make peace with my past decisions. Thanks for listening. It means the world to me :) Johanna

Herpesaurasrex, I am new to this, about two months in, and I feel exactly the same way. Sometimes all in one day. "I'm a kind and caring person, there's someone out there for me who will accept me and love me anyways" to "I made a huge mistake. If I can't ever forgive myself for That Night, how will someone else love me." I've found some great and supportive people on here, including WhoopsiDaysi. She always knows how to make me feel a bit more optimistic :) I'm working on finding a therapist because this whole H thing has brought out a lot of negative feelings and emotions that I'm having a VERY hard time dealing with. But I think that coming here and asking for help is HUGE and a great step. I've found this community to be very kind and helpful. I joined another site before this one and this one is filled with many positive people and positive outlooks compared to the other. I hope you feel better soon. Everything happens for a reason and we're all here for you if you need anything! :)

Brenda, you always write such nice things and your words speak to me even when they are directed to someone else. Thank you so much for your kind words and support :)

Jassabell-I'm sorry you get sad too. Myself and everyone on here is here if you need someone to talk to. Harlow-Thank you so much for the response. You covered all of my insecurities. I often feel sad thinking, how will anyone love me for this? Then I think, I need to give people more credit. There has to be someone out there for me. If they truly love me and accept me, they will be there for me to listen to my story and hopefully share something about them to me as well-good or bad. For my bad days, I do need to remember how blessed I am. All my grandparents are alive, my parents get along, I'm very close with my sisters, I have amazing friends, I have a dog I can talk tell everything to ;) I have enough to eat, I have a home, I go to school. I actually found a quote that I really like that has helped me through some of this; "The pain you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that is coming" -Romans 8:18. I also firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Through this site, I have slowly started to feel more positively towards H. That maybe having this will lead me to something great. Now, I've never been super judgmental of people, but since getting H, I've definitely been much more accepting of people's differences, disabilities, and struggles. It has strangely opened my eyes. Having H still brings me down. The stigma is probably the worst part. I find my self thinking, having H really isn't that bad. It's not a big deal. But that fact that other people think it's a big deal is what brings me down and makes me sad that I might not marry my best friend and have the big family I've dreamed of. I have always journaled, but I've found myself writing a lot more since getting H. It helps me a lot. I'm also training to run a mile. Since getting H, I decided that working towards a goal would make me feel better. I think that achieving something huge will be good for me. I always hated running, but my goal is to run a 5k. Walking/running is a great way for me to clear my head. I think the training will be really good for me. I'm really letting my mistakes eat away at me. It's really hard some days because I hate the person I've become. I think talking to a counselor will be really good for me while I'm home for the summer. And another thing I need to work on is realizing that, like you said, H is a small piece of the big picture.

I've been feeling pretty gloomy these past few days. I was doing SO well and then I just kind of slid down a hill. I can't seem to stop crying at night. I listened to my iPod before bed last night and that seemed to help but I still feel so sad. What kind of things do you tell yourself when you're having a bad day? What do you do to cheer yourself up?

me too! I was doing so well, but these past few days have been kind of gloomy. I can't wait to see how therapy goes. I'm just having a hard time deciding between two of them. I know either will help, but I don't want to make a wrong decision. I know I can always switch if I don't connect well with one, but then I have to go through telling my story all over again. I'm fine telling it online, but it's really hard to say out loud :(

My appointment went really well. My sister went with me for support and to ask additional questions. My doctor answered all my questions and even gave me a few numbers for therapists to see. I'm glad I went in even though I almost cancelled! :)

Thank you Brenda! Those are all helpful. I am actually going with my sister. She just graduated from nursing school so she is going with to make sure I get all my questions answered and well because she's one of the two people that know about this. I'm really not looking forward to going but I think it needs to be done. 7:45 am appointment so it will be nice getting it out of the way! I will let you know how it goes

Thanks Beckie! :)

I am going to see my personal doctor on Monday morning. I say personal, because she's the doc I've seen my whole life. It'll probably still be a bit uncomfortable, but it'll be better than talking to some stranger. I really hate talking about this with doctors but I'm hoping this goes better, because I know her. I am seeing her to clear up some things, because the doctors I have talked to already were just the woman who delivered the news and the doctor at my campus clinic. Neither were very helpful :/ I am also seeing her so she can help me find a therapist to help sort out a few issues that have come with this, just things that I need help finding peace with. Do you guys have any suggestions for questions I should ask her about H? Anything you wish you'd asked or anything you are glad you asked?

I looked up that book and it looks really interesting! I just might have to buy it :)

Thanks Judith!

Thanks Brenda :) Have either of you found any help dealing with this with therapy? I'm doing a lot better than when I first found out. A couple issues such as waking up with H on my mind every morning and feeling gloomy for a little bit, but then I'm fine. And I don't like to think about "that night"..having a hard time accepting my actions from that night. And not being "pure" anymore. But other than that I'm fine. I guess I just don't know if I should deal with these issues now, even though I'm not as upset about it all as I was in the beginning...or if I should wait it out and if they still bug me in a while if I should deal with it then...What are your thoughts about that? Has therapy been part of your healing process?

Wow Kristen :) That's a really great letter. I loved reading it! It's funny that you mention visiting a nursing home, because I've actually thought about that before, I just never have the courage to go in by myself. But independence is something I'm working on. This letter further shows me that I need to fully accept myself and my past and I need to have much more independence and step out of my comfort zone-it's grown a lot over the years, but it's still pretty small. Loneliness is also something to work on. I get bored SO easily and I really need to find a hobby or something to make me feel more at ease with just relaxing. But thank you for writing this letter. It says everything and more than I needed to hear :)

I thought of another question...with oral herpes, is it ok to share toothpaste, food, and drinks? Or should I steer clear of those things completely, even when not having an OB?

And I like that you related an OB to getting your period-never thought about it that way! :)

Thanks, you two! A massage is an excellent idea :) I looove when people rub my back. I give really good ones so I always ask for one in return haha ;) Call me old fashioned, but I'm waiting until I get married to go all the way with a guy. I think that's why H bummed me out so so much. I guess everyone feels invincible to getting it until boom...you're the one who has it. But I really like your ideas for working around an OB! That makes me feel a little less bummed :)

Katie, that was a great article :) Some parts really spoke to me. There are definitely some things I need to work on such as eating more healthy (I have a MAJOR sweet tooth), exercising, getting outside more, becoming more independent and more comfortable with independence, and just being more okay with myself and to not care what people think of the things I do. So at the end of the day, I need to be able to truly love myself. I don't know if you guys have seen "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" or if you've heard this quote anywhere but another thing to think about is that "we accept the love we think we deserve." WhoopsiDaysi, thank you so much for your opinion. I guess I was looking to see what other people thought of "dating" themselves and wasn't really sure how to think of it but you explained it in a way that makes so much sense to me. I journal often and I have been writing a lot about H since I got it and that has helped me a lot. I think a new journal topic for me is to write about what you said!-write about the things I love, what makes me tick, that kinda stuff. Even to write about my insecurities and how to become more comfortable with them. Thanks so much guys! :)

Thanks Katie, I really appreciate your support :) I think that me getting involved with online discussions has helped a lot in the healing process. I have my sister and one friend that know about it and they have been there for me more than I ever could have asked. They've really been great. But talking to people like you on here, who know what I'm going through and are there to tell me it gets better and that I still have a chance at love means so much. I have 3 sisters and my two older ones are in their early twenties. One has a serious boyfriend and one is starting to date this new guy. I guess guys never really paid attention to me until college and when they did I guess I got a little..sidetracked by it. Not to say that I got around, but I had my first kiss in college and I guess if I could go back I would take all my kisses back (not a long list at all but a decent amount) so that my first kiss could be with someone who really truly matters to me-or someone who I felt that I might have a future with. Same with when I was at that party and the guy and I went alone in a room and he went down on me. It was my first and only time doing that. I just remember while we were fooling around, how I was wishing for next time that I did that, that it would be with someone I really cared about :( I suppose with the whole dating thing, I look at my sisters and see how happy they are. And while I'm doing pretty well with everything now, a lot better than before, I just get kind of sad when I look at them. I'm so happy for them and so happy that they're happy, but I just kind of wonder if that will ever be me :/ Or if it is, will I have to wait until i'm 25, 30? Nineteen just seems too young for some guy to accept this..but who knows, I guess :/

Hey everyone! I'm 19 and I feel kind of discouraged about dating... I suppose at this moment, I'm still in the process of accepting things-just want to say that I've come so far in my two month journey so far..better than I ever could have imagined. At the beginning, I had some pretty dark thoughts and I just felt miserable ALL the time! Now, because of this site and another support group I joined, I feel much more happy. And, time heals all wounds :) I am hesitant to say this but I'm sometimes...grateful for this virus. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever say that..and mean it!! :) It has opened my eyes up a lot and I've become much more accepting of people's differences. But my question is, have any of you younger people on here had a good dating experience? I feel like I won't find someone accepting of this, until I'm in my mid to late twenties. I see my two older sisters dating and they're both in their early 20s and I'm incredibly happy for them but I feel kind of discouraged because I feel like I'm not going to be in a relationship until five, maybe ten years down the road. Have any of you younger folks found someone accepting of H? :-/

So I don't plan on dating anytime soon. I'm still getting comfortable with all this and I need to..re-accept myself. But down the road, when I'm dating someone, how do I keep things going when I have an outbreak? What creative things do you guys do when you can't have sex or kiss? I'm just looking for positive stuff to this virus, to keep me from getting super bummed about not being able to do stuff with my future guy. One more question..I hate to ask this but whether or not I'm having an OB, can a guy still touch me down there or is that not even an option even when I'm not having an OB? Can someone just wash their hands after? :/