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Thanks nic :)

Thank you Pacific. I think relating H to anorexia and not feeling good enough gives good perspective. I guess lots of people don't feel good enough, for many different reasons. I just hope that I can get past my insecurities someday. peachyogurtisawesome, thank you. I know that I could have gotten something worse and at least I'm not dying, but I just feel like herpes has such a bad stigma and that's why it bums me out so much. Plus, like lots of other people probably say, I never thought I'd get an STD. I've never even gone all the way to having sex. I guess I'm just an example that anyone can get an STD. But getting herpes has made me slow down to think about what kind of relationship I want to have and what kind of person I want to be. I don't want to be kissing strangers anymore. I want to be with someone I like and someone who likes me back. Juvia, I think knowledge is good too. I have read lots about it on here and other sites. I even met with my doctor over the summer and that was very helpful. Uncomfortable talking about it, but helpful.

Adrial, thanks for the comment. I think you are right about a lot of things in that paragraph..I've never had a boyfriend before. I've been interested in guys, but it's never gone anywhere with them. So I think, putting herpes aside, I'd definitely be ready to date. But with herpes in the picture, I DO feel defective. I don't even know if my friend is going to follow through with setting me up with this guy and i'm not going to push it. If I happen to meet him, great. A part of me wants to meet him, but a bigger part of me just doesn't want to deal with meeting him, deciding how I feel, and potentially disclosing. Disclosing right now to me sounds like the scariest thing in the world. I agree with you that time heals. At the beginning of all this, it felt like the end of the world. But a few months later, I started to feel like myself again. Ever since I got back from my cabin for the week of the 4th of July, I felt so refreshed! It was amazing. It was like the gray skies cleared. So right now, I do feel more myself but my therapist Sarah always tells me that I need to be nicer to myself ;) By that, I think she means to stop saying that I'm not worthy of being loved, that I'm a bad person, dirty, etc. I guess I just don't know if a 20 year old guy would be ok with dating a girl with herpes...I feel like a lot of people my age do have relationships but they're still wanting to have fun and I feel like me having herpes instantly makes things serious. Pacific, thank you-your words mean a lot to me :) Haha I love your idea-junk food, movies, and allowing myself to be sad for a day but then doing things to up myself the next day sounds like a great plan. I have journaled all my life and I found journaling to be a great way to get things out through all this. I have filled a whole notebook and started a new one since the beginning of all this. Well, I have more motivation to work out, eat healthier, and get in better shape. I feel a stronger urge to travel and see the world and to only surround myself with people who make me happy. I appreciate people's differences and the fact that life is short, so we shouldn't let stupid things control our decisions. I think a big change I've made is that I make it a priority to get a good night's sleep. I don't party as much as I did last year-for multiple reasons, but a few are that I will be 21 in 10 months and because I still have fun at parties without it. Drinking sometimes brings up things that I don't like to things about, so I've distanced myself from it a bit. But like my therapist reminds me every time I see her, being nicer to myself is something I've been working on. I have post-it notes on my dresser with things that I like about myself written on them. Thanks again Pacific :)

Thanks, those are good ideas :) Just yesterday, a new friend at school showed me a picture of a cute guy and she wants to set us up. Before all this, I would have been plain old excited for the possibility. I am excited now too, but a bigger part of me is terrified. I don't know if I'm ready to date..or if I EVER will be! But right now, hearing about possibly meeting this guy sounds really scary and I don't know if I should see where things go or if I should just start right at the beginning by being JUST friends. I have HSV1 genitally and orally so I feel like it's a double whammy haha agh it's just all so frustrating sometimes! It's confusing and I don't know what I want right now

I don't know what was going on last week haha I just fell into a little hole for a few days but I'm feelin better

I'm sorry..I'm not usually this negative. I've just been stuck in this pity party since yesterday and it's not going away. I know those things are all true and it does make me feel a bit better so thank you. I just wish I didn't think about it all the time. I was doing so well and I was feeling really optimistic but I've just been hit with this wave of sadness and it's not going away

I hate these kinds of posts yet here I am complaining about how sad I am...I mean I don't hate the sad posts. I've come far enough that I am able to read them and try to cheer other people up, but I definitely love the more cheerful ones. I'm just feeling down right now...I've come so far from the beginning though. I was diagnosed in April but I realized that I've thought about herpes every day for the past 6 months. Every single day. Is it ever going to go away? Even when I'm not thinking about it, it's there. It just sucks. The whole thing sucks. The fact that I've never had sex but I make one mistake and bam-I get herpes. The fact that the guy who gave it to me moved to California and is off living his life. He just got to walk away like nothing happened. My friend Maggie who was with me from the beginning of this is too busy with her new friends and has left me in the dark. The fact that every guy I've liked since starting college has never wanted a relationship with me and only wanted to be with other girls and hook up. It all just sucks and I hate that I think about it ALL every day. I just want it to go away. I miss when I didn't have all these issues in my head. My therapist finally got the fact through to me that I don't need to be worried about marriage and having kids right now. I'm 20 years old-I can worry about all that 15 years from now. She also helped me understand that it doesn't matter how I meet someone-that it's the guy that matters. So if I don't meet someone in a bar or at the store, but rather online or on a herpes dating site, that's fine. As long as I have a connection with the guy, then it doesn't matter how we met! But I can't help but think, and I know how horrible this sounds, but even though I have H, I know that a lot of guys don't want to kiss someone with herpes (i have it in both places) and I wouldn't either so what are the odds of me finding someone. I just don't want herpes to be running through my mind every time I kiss someone. I'm just so scared that I'd pass it on to someone or that someone would pass more onto me...if that's possible? That might sound a bit ridiculous but the thoughts are all there.

I've heard that quote before but it's a nice reminder. Needed that, so thank you! :)

I would love to hear more too! Thanks for sharing this-I can relate to some of the things you said! I thought my life was over too, I've only learned and grown stronger from this experience, I've been on quite the roller coaster too. I still get gloomy, but I'm working on it!

Loved this. I'm actually dealing with a friend being distant right now, so this helps with that too! Thanks :)

Aw thanks for sharing! I'm so glad that it went well for you. I love reading about disclosures that go well so I'm glad you shared. How exciting!!

congrats on the good news :)

Wow, great to read such a positive outcome. Congrats on your decision to study abroad. Sounds like a blast (: As you said here, I am also trying to focus more on me. I need to learn to be my own best friend, instead of relying on others to make me happy (:

Thanks for sharing Nigella! I really needed to hear a happy ending like this right now (:

I like this. Thank you for sharing (:

When I was first diagnosed with herpes, it felt like the end of the world. Every day was a struggle. I kept reminding myself, "It's not cancer, nobody is dying." But it has honestly been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. It was almost 4 months ago that I found out. For about 3 out of these 4 months, I woke up with this dreaded, sinking feeling EVERY morning. I was sad all day and I wondered if I would ever be truly happy again. I am :) It took me about 3 months to get back to being happy but those 3 months of allowing myself to be angry, sad, lonely, and anything other emotion were needed. The first week that I found out, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and I didn't' want to do anything. I cried SO much. I got mad at myself and others. I felt trapped. And I needed those emotions to be let out. The things that have helped me are this amazing support group, long walks, watching FRIENDS ;) my sister, my therapist, a journal, and all those crying sessions in the shower ;) Time heals all wounds. Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe those two quotes. I know that the second one is hard to understand in this situation but I've learned so much from this experience. I've only grown stronger from it. (What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger :) ) This change in my mood is so sudden. I was still kind of gloomy a few weeks ago, but ever since I got back from my cabin for the 4th, things have been different! My therapist has helped a lot. When this first happened, I hated myself so much. I would just stare at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I hated myself so much and that I was a terrible person. My therapist, Sarah, had me describe good things about myself in one of our sessions. I said that I'm a good friend, I care about people's feelings, and some other stuff. Then she had me tell her what I think makes a good person. So I said someone who is kind, someone who helps others, a good friend, etc. And she pointed out that one of the qualities that I used to describe a good person is also a quality that I used for myself. It was then that she helped me to realize that having H and the way I got it, do NOT make me a bad person. I'm a GOOD person. Sarah gave me "homework" one time, which was to think of two things that I like about myself each day and then share them with her at our next session. It sounds so dumb, but it really worked. Slowly, it worked! She was so proud of all the things I came up with: I like that my sisters and I are all really close, I'm a good friend, I stick to plans and don't flake when something better comes up, I like my curly hair (I used to straighten it almost everyday in hight school), I'm open minded, I don't judge people's differences, I like my pale skin, and I like my toes. That last one sounds weird, I know, but I have a friend who always complains about her toes and how she hates how stubby they are. I mean, yeah her toes are stubby, but they're toes!! It doesn't matter haha but Sarah thought it was great that I could love something like that about myself. A HUGE discovery I made in therapy is that I want to have the talk with a guy before I kiss him-so this guy is aware of the fact that I can spread this not only through sex, but from kissing. (I have HSV-1 both orally and genitally). This was really hard for me at first, because I was super bummed about not being able to kiss someone til AFTER the talk. But you know what I realized? This is actually REALLY good for me! I think that having to decide if someone is worth having the talk with or not before kissing them is good. Because then I can decide if they're worth my time and if I truly like the guy. If I were to kiss him before the talk, then I would probably be confused if I really like him or if I am attached from kissing him. I'm bad at writing out my thoughts so hopefully this makes sense! But when I realized this in one of my sessions with Sarah, it was like this huge silver lining! I couldn't believe that this would be a good thing, ever! But it really is. Another big thing is that I thought that this secret of mine would stay just between my sister, my college friend, and I. But no :) I actually just told a friend the other day! This friend of mine is very open minded and I knew she wouldn't judge me. It was so much easier to talk about than I thought it would be. She was not judgmental. Just asked some questions and told me that she has another friend who has it!! I was shocked! So yeah, it went really well opening up to her and I'm glad I told her! I feel like I'm forgetting a lot of stuff to say, but I guess to sum it up, I am happy. And it's not the end of the world. I do believe that I will date people in the future, I still might have kids and get married, I'm not a bad person, and things do get better. I'm still nervous about getting another big fat coldsore on my face, but I can't worry about things that might not happen. Thanks for all the support. You guys are amazing! :)

danielle, thanks for sharing! I'm glad it went so well for you :)

Hi Katie :) I'm 19 and have had H for since April. I have come a long way since then! At the beginning, I couldn't eat, sleep, or have fun with friends. I still get really sad about it..usually when I'm on my period, because I get super emotional :p But I'm doing so much better since then! (Thank God!) But I totally understand what you mean when you say that some days you're ok with it, while others, it just bums you out so much. I have a lot of shame because of who I got it from and just started seeing a therapist so that I can hopefully deal with some of it before heading back to school in August..which I am totally dreading. I'm still really new to this but I'm am here if you want to talk! Welcome to the forum. Everyone on here is super nice and supportive! You've come to the right place :) Johanna

Loved this. Thanks for sharing :)

Lelani, Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad you had a happy ending :) I love your name by the way-very pretty! Johanna

Thanks Adrial! I'll keep that in mind :)

Thanks, that means a lot. I finally got an appointment in for a therapist. Next Thursday at 4 pm! I'm really anxious about it...I'm excited to finally be talking to someone but also worried and feeling the same way I did before my doc appointment. But I'm SO GLAD that I went to my doc appointment. My sister and I were there for 4 and a half hours (!!!!) but it was well worth it. So I'm hoping the same goes for this appointment.

Brenda, I found it so hard at the beginning when people said that it would give me time to step back and see what the real issues and insecurities were there, because I was SO sure that it was H and just H. But the more I think about it, I realize that before H, if I liked a guy or a guy liked me I would go all in with texting him and wanting to hang out. I thought that if I made out with a guy at a party that maybe, just maybe, something would come of it. I was so upset about H because while all my friends were hooking up with guys, I go..half way haha with a guy and I get H. It was SO hard on me. The more I think about having H though, I realize that one good thing is that now when I like a guy or a guy likes me, I can step back and really think about my feeling towards him before jumping in with both feet and getting hurt. Because being honest, I've been hurt a lot my first year of college. I was getting attention from guys that I never got in high school, so when someone was even remotely interested, I jumped in with my feelings and texted them and just got hurt, because in the end things didn't work out. I was so blinded by what guys wanted until someone I chatted on the phone with from another support group said that guys will hook up with anyone just to hook up. That hurt but was a huge wake up call. I hate saying this, just cuz it sounds weird to say, but I've never gone all the way with a guy (my school counselor referred to it as intercourse, which is technically what it is..) but I've had oral :/ Which I REALLY hate to say...I've only done it once and look where I am..I was going to wait until I got married to have sex because I would have been pure, clean of STDs, and it would have been really special. I don't know if I consider oral to be sex-I know people think differently about it and I'm still on the fence about it...I'm just still so ashamed that I won't be pure when I meet "the one." Looking back I get really mad at the guy I was with because I kept pulling my pants up and he kept doing it. I didn't think much of it at the time because I was SUPER drunk but I even told him at the beginning that I didn't want to have sex..but again, at the time I guess I didn't really consider what we were doing as sex..I wasn't exactly in the right mind set though..i'd had a lot to drink that night. Anywayyys...I think having H will be good in the long run, because it now makes me really want to get to know a guy and really see where my feelings for him are at before I jump in. Whoa, sorry this is getting to be a novel ;) but I just had to get it all out there. So I guess the more I learn about my opportunities, the more accepting of having H I become. I don't know if this makes sense, but I'm on the road to being accepting of having H and realizing that it's not AS big of a deal as I once thought it was, but I just cannot accept the night I was with that guy. it hurts so much to think about what we did and how I realize now that I didn't really know what we were doing. Time heals all wounds though, and I think therapy will be a huge step for me-I hope! Wowza this is way longer than I intended haha thanks for always listening though :) Love, Johanna

I was watching a TV show (The Client List) where the mother and daughter were talking about dating. The mom has been married and divorced four times and has started seeing someone new. Her daughter asks her, "why do you keep trying?" And she answers, "cuz I deserve to be happy. We both do." It really stood out to me and I wanted to share it with you guys! Because, well, WE deserve to be happy too :) I will definitely go to a therapist-I'm working on setting up an appointment now. As for the weekend seminar, it's just not ideal for me right now. I'm a broke college student haha if I were to go, it wouldn't be until after I graduate probably, which is in 3-4 years. Hopefully Adrial is still doing the seminars down the road! Plus only two people know about the H, so I'd have to find an excuse for my parents, family, and friends.

I loved this thread! That's so great about the handouts :) When I was first diagnosed, I went to a walk in clinic near my school. The doc called me a few days later with the results. She basically said 'Its hsv-1. This is the better of the two. There ya go. Bye' I couldn't believe that she didn't inform me at all. I then went to my campus clinic to get more info..they weren't very helpful either. Just recently, I went to my primary doc and she was great! She answered all my questions and looked up the ones she wasn't sure of. I think it's horrible that there are docs out there like the first two I saw. It was so hard learning about my diagnosis and knowing hardly anything about it. Docs should encourage people to join a support group..I am so grateful that I found the HOpp when I did. It is just the coolest and very inspiring. Thanks Adrial :)