Scared to Death in A Foreign Country

[Healingjourney]

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. I’ve read a lot of your posts and I’m so inspired by all the strength I see. Right now all I feel is darkness and despair. I am all alone in Bali (traveling 3 months already and 2 more months to go) and feel my vagina changing tonight and expect the painful part to come any day. I am terrified, absolutely terrified. My friend said she would hardly walk or sit on a chair. How am I going to go through this alone in a foreign country with a 20kg back pack. I just want to hop a plane and go home tomorrow but my home life isn’t a comforting place either. I feel so alone and don’t know where to go or what to do. Yes I’ve been taking Valtrex and resting. I have support from friends on the phone but nothing makes me feel better. I will be honest I’ve contemplated suicide, I’m ashamed to say it, I know it’s ridiculous. I’m angry that the person who gave it to me knew he was in an active outbreak and I don’t have a time machine to go back. I feel like I’ve ruined my life with one bad decision. I’m sick, scared and alone, I don’t know what to do. 

[no_joyride]

I think it is common to contemplate suicide but it's not the answer.  I know it's horrible and scary right now, I am also in a foreign country... where sex outside of marriage is illegal and a positive test means a phone call to the police!

Get yourself into a comfortable room.  Take advantage of talking to friends.  On days when you feel good, do something a bit fun and touristy.  You still need to enjoy yourself. Get a massage, doesn't have to be full body, could be your feet or shoulders. Treat yourself to lots of delicious food.  Drink Jamu!  It might mean that you don't get as far with your backpack in the same way you had planned but you can still enjoy the time that you are there. 

One day you will look back on this trip and think "Gosh I wish I would have enjoyed myself rather than sitting in my room trying to figure out how to go back in time.'

Really there isn't anything that you can do but you need to carry on and not let this 'little skin condition' hold you back.

You are a strong, capable women.  You can do this, I know you don't want to...  but you can.

[Healingjourney]

Are you in Bali? If I go to the doctor here and it’s positive, will they call the police?

[no_joyride]

7 hours ago, Healingjourney said:

Are you in Bali? If I go to the doctor here and it’s positive, will they call the police?

@Healingjourney   I am not sure what the law is in Bali, but I was saying that I can relate as I am in the middle east and that is the law here.  I can understand what it feels like to be away from home, unable to get medical care due to reasons beyond my control.

[VhYolo]

How are you feeling Healingjourney? Not everyone first outbreak is the same, so yours might not be as bad as your friends was. 

[Healingjourney]

@VhYolo I wish I could say I feel better. I’ve had zero relief for the three weeks since I found out and now it appears to be breaking  on my hands after avid hand washing and hand sanitizer this Is another challenge I am unprepared for. I am at rock bottom and see no relief in sight. 

[VhYolo]

Are you doing ok? Hows your trip?