Just found out my new boyfriend has herpes

[reb2468]

I’m a 23 year old F and I just found out my 23 year old M partner has herpes. We just started dating 3 months ago, and I was having pain when we had sex so i decided to go to the doctor. I found out that he gave me chlamydia, which was upsetting considering I asked him before we had sex if he recently got tested and was clean, to which he told me he was. Turns out, he never got tested since starting to have sex because he said he never noticed anything wrong, and he’s only had sex with 4 people total. After finding out about the chlamydia I told him that he needs to go to the doctor and get medication to get rid of it like I did. He went, and upon going they did a blood test which resulted in them finding herpes antibodies in his blood. He was extremely upset because he said he’s never had an outbreak, and he had absolutely no idea he had herpes. I believed him because of his reaction and it was a very difficult few days for us, especially because we just started dating. We talk about our future a lot, I’ve never met anyone I’ve connected with the way I’ve connected with him so I’m trying to be positive and not let this ruin our brand new relationship. I’ve always been very careful and I’ve always made sure I’m clean by going and getting tested usually after every couple new partners, if not every. I’ve also gotten multiple blood tests to make sure I don’t have herpes because I’ve always been seriously worried about it. When he told me, it didn’t seem like a huge deal to me surprisingly because I know how I feel about him, and his doctor said he has the virus that causes cold sores not genital herpes but to be careful and keep an eye out to make sure they don’t develop down there.  I’m trying to find a way to cope, and I came here looking for support for people who have dealt with this in the past. If anyone could help me with their experience and how they dealt with this situation, that would mean the world to me. Sorry for the lengthy post, if you’re still reading I really appreciate it and look forward to hearing feedback. 

[Blue1982]

Hey just wanted to say that this is extremely common for people to not know they have herpes.

up until I had my first outbreak I thought every time they were doing routine STI tests that herpes was included but I had no idea that it’s not included in a regular STI panel.

i got genital herpes from my long term boyfriend performing oral on me and we both didn’t know he had oral herpes. He has never had a cold sore but most people are asymptomatic.

this has made me learn so much more than I thought I knew about sexual health and our healthcare system.

At least now you have knowledge on how to protect yourself to lessen the transmission rate!

and also I just wanted to add, I know you didn’t mean this in a mean way at all but calling yourself or somebody “clean” is a little insulting for people who do have an STI because it insinuates that they are dirty. Just wanted to throw that out there even though I know you didn’t mean it that way!!!

[Blue1982]

also wanted to add that if the doctor told him he has the strain that causes cold sores then that sounds like HSV1 which is typically oral sores but could be genital sores too.

if he’s never had an outbreak then it’s hard to say where his is located.

if he takes antivirals it will cut the transmission rate down a lot, both orally and genitally!! 

[reb2468]

13 hours ago, Blue1982 said:

Hey just wanted to say that this is extremely common for people to not know they have herpes.

up until I had my first outbreak I thought every time they were doing routine STI tests that herpes was included but I had no idea that it’s not included in a regular STI panel.

i got genital herpes from my long term boyfriend performing oral on me and we both didn’t know he had oral herpes. He has never had a cold sore but most people are asymptomatic.

this has made me learn so much more than I thought I knew about sexual health and our healthcare system.

At least now you have knowledge on how to protect yourself to lessen the transmission rate!

and also I just wanted to add, I know you didn’t mean this in a mean way at all but calling yourself or somebody “clean” is a little insulting for people who do have an STI because it insinuates that they are dirty. Just wanted to throw that out there even though I know you didn’t mean it that way!!!

Thank you so much for your reply, I’m sorry for saying it the way I did I promise I didn’t mean it like that!!! I just meant free from any STI’s, which is how I should’ve said it in the first place. What’s frustrating is his doctor told him unless he has outbreaks they don’t recommend giving medication? Which seems odd to me, I feel like he should be able to have medication just knowing that he has the virus. 

[Blue1982]

No worries!! I know you didn’t mean it in a mean way at all (I used to say the same thing before I got HSV and now I’m slightly more aware of what I say) don’t worry about it!!

yeah depending on the doctor some are really not into giving out antivirals unless someone has frequent outbreaks unfortunately.

i deff got my genital herpes from my asymptomatic boyfriend performing oral on me though and we both didn’t know he had it at all!